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AIBU?

AIBU to ask how other people deal with feeling jealous and dissatisfied

4 replies

Octopus37 · 22/12/2019 20:31

Sorry this is going to be a selfish rant, apologies to all those who are going through worse things and I know I'm probably going to be flamed and told to count my blessings. Finding it really hard to be nice to my DH at the moment cause I am so fed up, there's no point talking to him cause he is just defensive and thinks he's never done anything wrong, which pisses me off. We hardly get any time together, not alone a date night or anything fun. He works shifts and has been out delivering presents, I couldn't go with him tonight cause our younger Son did't want to go and our older Son is out. TBH feel quite sidelined, we don't have much family around but DH is one of these who puts himself out for people, which is lovely but I sometimes wish I was more of a priority. Your probably going to read this and think I've got no friends, I do have friends who I put myself out for a lot as well, just wish we got more couple time. Also cant talk to him cause a family friend is ill in hospital, they are getting old and it is quite a regular occurrence, seem to be on the mend this time, which is good obviously. Just sick of seeing people of facebook having a great life, having parents who support and love them, lots of fun, quality family time, couple time etc, really feel that we don't get that. Have two boys aged 12 and 9, 12 year old has been difficult the last couple of year, 9 year old starting to get that way, they don't have a lot of enthusiasm for doing anything fun. Between the two of them (more older than younger one), we have had a bad run of medical things (again I know people who have had far more) but have never had a year with so many hospital, dental, doc appointments and problems with school. Talked to my Sister this morning and got into a slightly tricky conversation, she envies other peole too, I said that I envy her cause her house is like a show home and her DH is around at the weekend to do stuff to the house etc and not in so many words that they are financially very secure. Yes, I know money doesn't bring happiness (we are not poor, just not rich), but will always look poor compared to DS and DBIL and a lot of our friends. We are moving house soon which is a big expense and I know we are lucky to be able to stretch to that. Suppose I just wish that I felt like I mattered sometimes, especially to my DH, would be amazing to be put on a pedistool and for him to feel that he is lucky to have me. I know I sound like a selfish princess, just feel pretty low tonight. Think everyone ( family friends etc) just takes it for granted that I will always be there to do most of the donkey work and look after the kids. I am self-employed, work bloody hard for not that much money although I know I am lucky that I like my job. Sorry for brain dump, know I need to tackle one thing at a time, can anyone relate?

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CSIblonde · 22/12/2019 20:43

You need to prioritise adult time without the kids, even if it's just Friday night fish n chips & cheap wine at home. Also, why did you let your son dictate you couldn't go with DH. We all have to do stuff we don't fancy now & again. Be more assertive & put your foot down. As to jealousy there are always people who have more, doesn't mean they're happy. I worked with a wealthy women whose accountant husband beat her so badly he left her deaf in one ear & with short term memory loss issues. She had a wealthy family but still wouldn't leave him as they'd told her "she'd made her bed" & wouldn't help her.

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Cucumbersalad · 22/12/2019 20:59

It's a cliche, and not easy to do, but nevertheless, you need to start counting your blessings and being thankful for all you DO have. And again, not easy at all I know, but aim to rejoice for other people at what they have/have achieved. Actively do this - say in your head/ aloud, "I'm so happy for X that they have y. And I am so lucky to have x, y, and z!"

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Cucumbersalad · 22/12/2019 21:01

Envy is a horrible road to go down, for your own sake, try to get out of this mindset. It only brings bitterness and resentment, and no pleasure whatsoever.

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Octopus37 · 22/12/2019 21:20

Thanks for the advice, I know its such an ugly feeling. I do generally rejoice for other people when they have achieved great things, eg I have a friend who has opened a café this year and who is getting married, quite appropriately I couldn't be happier for her. Its true about the adult time, just need to get DH on board with this without being defensive. Its true that envy is awful, have to try and nip it in the bud, it is something I have always struggled with

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