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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Dinnee

15 replies

Pawsandnoses · 22/12/2019 19:17

Background - DM has always been very controlling & everything has to be done her way otherwise she sulks in silence for sometimes days on end.

Anyway, I have never had Christmas in my own home (excepting before I left my parents' home) I am now middle aged. When I was with ex-H I lived 100's of miles away and still expected to travel to them (I did for more than a decade). Have been with DH for a few years and have previously gone to them as didn't have the energy for the battle. This year decided that we were fed up of running around with the kids and sorting out pets, so would host. They were very welcome with my (also middle aged DB) who lives with/sponges off them.

Heard them talking earlier when at their house with DD about turkey (we're having goose, beef and chicken because DM only eats chicken). It appeared she had sent my DF out today to buy turkey and she was saying that it needed to be cooked early on Christmas day. She's already insisted on making her special stuffing, which is actually only paxo with a bit of onion and chopped apple in it and I agreed to that. Thought I'd message my Dad to ask as if it was intended for some other reason, but he read the message 45 mins ago and no response. AIBU to think that if you're not going to accept what your host is providing (we are accomodating all of DM's dietary requirements already) then you eat at home and come over later?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawsandnoses · 22/12/2019 19:18

Sorry, title should be dinner, opened the Christmas sherry when I got home😂

OP posts:
TheresWaldo · 22/12/2019 19:19

Just ignore them and cook your dinner as planned.

Pipandmum · 22/12/2019 19:26

Just cook the diiner you planned. Have you told your mother you will not be serving their turkey?

sophiestew · 22/12/2019 19:31

When are they due to arrive? If you have time to stop them from travelling, just message tomorrow saying you all have norovirus.

Then enjoy Christmas without the ungrateful fuckers.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/12/2019 19:34

Are they at your house? Is she expecting to use your oven to cook this bird?

Leeds2 · 22/12/2019 19:37

Why does she want to cook a turkey, if she only eats chicken? Presumably, she doesn't normally do a turkey if she is hosting?

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 22/12/2019 19:38

Am I right in thinking she’s bringing turkey even though she doesn’t eat it? That’s very weird!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 19:40

I assume she normally does turkey and chicken?

Just tell her there's no room in the oven.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 22/12/2019 19:46

My parents have bought the meats, pigs in blankets , posh stuffing, canapés (I usually make my own canapés, stuffing and pigs but DM has insisted I enjoy my one year old and spend as little time as possible in the kitchen) and according to DF a case of champagne is chilling in their shed. This is despite the fact we're hosting we often do, I like to and I like being at home. It also means PIL come to us too and DB, and family so we don't end up schlepping around for the days seeing everyone. We didn't host last year as DS was due boxing Day and didn't want to cancel last minute.

DM says we've hosted before we always put on a lovely spread and she enjoys my cooking, but I've only just gone back from mat leave and to stop fussing and let them treat, she offered to buy all veg, cheeses make dessert etc but I said I had to do something, so we've compromised, it's saved us a fortune and the invention is good so I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth!

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 22/12/2019 19:49

You need to find out the intention, if she's being awkward call her out and say no Turkey, if she feels as you're mother she should be helping out and she's saving you from buying a Turkey then talk to her and accommodate it. She's not buying it for herself, she doesn't eat it.

PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2019 19:52

If they’re bringing it fully cooked and just t be reheated, I wouldn’t get too bothered about it.

Original poster
Pawsandnoses · 22/12/2019 19:58

She's always had to have turkey and pork because that's what my grandparents served. DB eats both, DF, DH & I aren't fans of either. I've had a response that DB likes turkey so DM wanted to bring some with them cooked and that he didn't know. I'm not trying to appear ungrateful, but this isn't about being helpful as she'd have asked rather than done it in secret. She didn't realise that I could hear as had gone upstairs to DD (DF is a bit deaf though so NDN could have probably heard the conversation). This is just about trying to be in control. We're going over to them on boxing day and she can cook (make my DF cook) whatever she wants to then.

OP posts:
Thehop · 22/12/2019 20:00

Say no! You’ve got more than enough choice!

Original poster
Pawsandnoses · 22/12/2019 20:24

There is absolutely enough choice and my brother will eat pretty much anything so I know that he's not driving it. Just working out how to respond so that DF isn't caught in the crossfire of her sulk. She regularly makes his life hell, and I know that his relationship is his responsibility, but he is an oap so I do worry about him. I get a bit fed up of having to put up with her BS though to avert a drama.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 23/12/2019 10:41

Just say "oh we have more than enough meat. Maybe you could keep it for New Years lunch"

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