To only spend a couple of days with my mum at Christmas?

[AriadneCrete]

I have two weeks off work my mum wants me to spend the full two weeks with her. However... Christmas at my mum's is not an overall pleasant experience. My extended family/family friends can be extremely rude. I'm late 20s and in their culture I should be married with two children by now, so I get constant comments about why I'm not married yet, why don't I have a boyfriend etc. I also get comments about my weight (too fat, need to lose weight), my boobs (far too big apparently... although I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do about that). The worst couple constantly make pointed comments about how I've "wasted" my expensive education because I'm "just" a teacher. My cousins/ family friends' children have all done the "right" thing, got married as expected and are doctors, solicitors, working in the city etc.

When family/family friends say these things there's nothing I can say back because in our culture it would be deemed very rude and disrespectful. My mum knows it upsets me and she's scaled down on her own comments (not completely though) but says nothing when other people do- in her eyes it's completely normal to say these comments and blames it on my "British sensitivities".

Another reason why I don't want to go is a lot of her friends turn up announced, which means I have to constantly be "on"- hair done, make up on, nice outfit etc, when actually all I want to do is relax.

I've had a really tough few months and being around them at the best of times makes me feel like such a failure, I genuinely don't think I can cope with the appearance, job, lack of boyfriend scrutiny so I only want to spend the bare minimum at my mum's. But she is a full time carer to my sibling and when I'm there she gets a break, which she fully deserves. So I will feel bad if I'm not there for long. But on the other hand surely my mental health takes precedence?

I feel torn because I know she needs a break but at the moment I am just not strong enough to be torn to shreds under the guise of "jokes" and if I dare be upset, told not to be so sensitive. So AIBU?

YANBU. She may deserve a break but it's not your job to provide it. That's a separate issue and not your problem. I'd go for one night and one day!

Do what makes you happy. Explain to your mum how terrible staying there makes you feel and you want to do your own thing.

I’ve had to do similar. My only
Lives a few miles away but she wanted me over there for 4-5 days in a row. I had to put my foot down.

The way they treat you is not right. I think your mother needs to have a re think about who she invites around.

When family/family friends say these things there's nothing I can say back because in our culture it would be deemed very rude and disrespectful

so called friends/family are being rude and disrespectful to you.
I'm surprised that you go at all.
Let the rude extended family give your mother a break.
You are working full time, and deserve to have a relaxing break - at most I'd call in for part of a day, I would definitely not stay over, and would definitely let mother/parents know why you will not give up more of your holiday.

Your mental health is as important as siblings physical health - you need to take care of you, not subject yourself to two weeks of insensitive and bitchy comments of ignorant and rude extended family.
Send her a list of respite centres/day care options.

I wouldn’t go overnight at all!

Go fro Xmas day then go home and relax for 2 weeks.

They can’t be rude and disrespectful if you can’t either!

My mum knows it upsets me and she's scaled down on her own comments (not completely though) but says nothing when other people do- in her eyes it's completely normal to say these comments and blames it on my "British sensitivities"

Tell her you’re not coming and that’s why. She can call it British sensitivities if she likes-you’re still not coming and there’s nothing she can do about it!

Oh, except for telling them to stfu if she wants you to ever come again.

What’s her priority-letting them be horrible or seeing you?

In most cultures insulting people is considered rude. Perhaps you can choose to respond in a way which calls people out on that rather than being hemmed in by cultural expectations. Your needs matter too. You need a break from this bullying. It's not OK for people to minimise the impact that this will have on you.

Point out to whoever that to blame someone's "British sensitivities" is utterly racist, they wouldn't accept comments like that based on their origins. You seem to be from a culture in which being female equates to being a doormat.

It sounds like your mum is surrounded by people who could give her a break, if only they chose to.

Tell her you've got lots of dates with eligible bachelors set up over the holidays and can't stay long ... and then go home, sit in your pjs and watch movies and enjoy yourself!!!

Sounds like bullying to me, just because they are family it doesn’t make it ok. Personally I would stay away.

Three days max then leave and do your own thing. And tell her to shut up every now and again. You get one life, live it as you please.