Feel like I’m being replaced

[Littlepeak34]

Don’t know if this is a common issue with mothers or if I’m just being really stupid and need to get a grip.

DS is 2 and until recently my MIL has barely seen DS as she lived many miles away. She has recently moved to be closer by and I admit she is brilliant with DS, constant interaction, my DS loves it.

This is where I am starting to feel rubbish. I have always been number one to DS. He follows me round and always happy to see me. I have never felt like this before even with my own DM who babysits DS every week.

So MIL has been seeing DS and he is starting to want to hold MIL hand over mine, wants to be picked up my MIL, when I ask if he wants a cuddle from me, he says no and clings onto MIL and doesn’t really Want to interact with me when she’s there. It breaks my heart. I feel like I’m being replaced.

In the back of my mind I know I’m being ridiculous and this new relationship will be good for DS but I’m struggling to be happy with it. I want to be his number one.

I have always had a fear of rejection so think this is affecting me. Is this a normal feeling? Some reassurance please :(.

It's normal and it will pass. You'll always be his mummy.

One of my DGS was like this with me. My DD is a single parent and we helped out. Given a choice he would most often choose me and my DD would sometimes feel hurt, although she was always the most important person in his world. I asked her if she wanted me to back off but she knew it was good for him to have other close relationships.

At some point it changed, definitely when he started school but probably before.

It could be the novelty for your DS, and also as a GP I have less angst and more patience than I did as a mother and most often got to do the fun things. The one thing I have always done (with all of my DGC) is stuck to the parents rules so I wasn’t allowing them to do as they pleased, but I get to give them back so could spend a bit more energy and attention in a shorter space of time.

However if you feel your MIL is overstepping boundaries then you need to make some. That could be less time together or making sure she follows your rules. You are his number one, she will never replace you and if you can hold on to that then you could maybe use the time she spends with him to do something that relaxes you?

Oh and on his recent list of important people in his life I was a bit put out when he couldn’t decide where I was somewhere between his dog or his best friend. But mum has always been number 1.

I sympathise OP. You're not being stupid either so please don't think that.
I went back to work when DD was 4 months and my Mum looked after her. As she got a bit older she would always cry when I went to pick her up. It really upset me and I felt jealous of their relationship. Sadly my Mum got cancer and died when DD was 2. I felt horrendously guilty that I had been jealous.
You're his Mum and toddlers do go through funny phases. Embrace the fact he has a close relationship with her and he isn't clingy to just you.

Thank you all. That’s made me feel a little better. She definitely doesn’t overstep any boundaries, not at the moment anyway.

She’s just a doting grandmother and I know she is so good with him because she can go home and relax. Obviously as mothers, we rarely get a break and so it’s hard to give constant meaningful interaction and playing.

I will keep all your comments I mind. Thanks :)

It’s normal, children start to move away from Mum aged about 2 it leave a space for a new baby 😉

There will be a new baby too soon.