Dreading Christmas lunch

[CrazyMoma]

AIBU - Christmas dinner is in our house. Issue is my brother & family usually turn up late. They kinda expect my kids who are older to watch their kids, my kids are getting fed up & feel they are expected to watch the kids all day & feel "dumped on". My DH is fed up with this & has said if they aren't here on time for dinner then they will have to wait until the buffet in the night. We tend to have our Christmas dinner late so no-one feels rushed on Christmas morning. Cos their kids can be demanding we tend not to have a family game after dinner cos one of them with kick off & my DH & kids are totally fed up. I totally understand what my DH & kids are saying love my DB & kids dearly, & tbh I am fed up with it too but at the same time don't want to be fighting about Christmas day. I know i'm kinda being a door-mat but, i'm trying to keep the peace at the same time totally dreading Christmas day - any advice.

[BarbedBloom]

I was forced to look after younger children when I was a teenager and it ruined my Christmas every year. It sounds like you are spoiling Christmas for everyone else to please your brother. I would give him a little leeway about time if the kids are little but I would tell him if they aren't there by X time, you will be eating without them.

[Bluerussian]

Why do your children have to 'watch' their younger cousins when parents are there? I don't understand that. It's certainly not fair and your children would be well within their rights to go on strike and be preoccupied with their own stuff.

Tell your brother that dinner will be served at x time - an hour before you intend to serve it - and they'll probably turn up bang on time.

Suggest you go to bros next year for a change, might be nice for his children to have Christmas day at home, or plan to go to a restaurant for lunch and have a festive buffet in the evening.

[Jaxhog]

Tell him that dinner will be served at x time, and you will start without them if they are late.
This. And do it.

And/or just don't invite them next year.

[hifolks]

Being late is very rude and making it all about them. It's not.

[gingersausage]

Why is your brother more important than your husband and children? That’s what you should be asking yourself.

[Cherrysoup]

Every time one of their dc needs attention, direct them to their parents. Your dc shouldn’t have to deal with younger annoying dc on the day.

[ThanosSavedMe]

Tell your brother that dinner is a **time. Include your dc in what’s going on so they don’t get dumped on. Play your games after dinner. If someone kicks off, tell them off or give them something else to do. Don’t let you fb and his family dictate what is going on.

To be fair though, if you e never told him this is a problem, how is he supposed to know?

[Survivingchipandkippee]

I think you need to set boundaries with your brother otherwise he thinks your ok with the lateness and his kids behaviour. Have a fab Xmas and remember about yourself. Sometime we forget about ourselves in our desire to please all. X

[MashedSpud]

Tell your brother you’re all eating at x time.

Inform him your dc want to enjoy Christmas and not babysit. If he wants them to do childcare it’s £50 an hour, payable upfront.

[CeCeLaine66]

How late are we talking here? Why are you letting your brothers family dictate your Christmas? None of you are happy except your db and sil.
Think about it.
They are turning up (late!) getting fed with no input into the prepeartion, have babysitters on hand so they can sit down and relax....and have everyone pandering to them
No wonder they’re so keen to come to you for Christmas!

I’m with your dh if they aren’t on time they don’t eat. Your dcs should not be on hand to mind the youngsters this is thier Christmas too. Tell your dcs to do thier own thing. If you want to play a game then do so, if the children kick off leave it for your brother to sort out.

Tbh this is the reason I stopped hosting extended family Christmas’s as not only was I expected to do all the prep, cooking then clearing up afterwards. I was expected to mind the toddler relatives running round my feet whilst cooking and parents sat in other room chilling out expecting to be entertained and waited on hand and foot! It totally did me in.

Put a stop to it or you’ll be doing this for evermore with your resentment growing each year!

[Arthritica]

How about your kids watch an age-appropriate (for them) film/video game in one room, ensuring the young cousins can't be dumped on them?
Have their escape plan sorted ahead of time so you can prevent them being used as babysitters (unless they actually like playing with their cousins)

[Fluffycloudland77]

Stop inviting them. Who routinely turns up late on Xmas day? Wtf.

[DisgruntledGuineaPig]

Actually, I'd cancel them..

It sounds like your dh and dcs are dreading Christmas day rather than looking forward to it because of your brother and his family. Would everyone have a better day just the 4 of you?

If you cant face saying "we dont want you here", I might lie and say you've got the vomiting bug going round, at least one of the dcs is looking unwell and you think you wont be well enough to host Christmas day. (If your dcs are teens, they can be ropped into this!)

Offer to have your brother over on boxing day, (or next weekend if you have boxing day plans already ) but saying you'll just be doing a buffet as you cant face big cooking.

Go on, how many Christmas days will you have left with your dcs at home? Make them fun!

[SabineUndine]

I rather think you're all going down with flu tomorrow so you'll have to uninvite them.

I can't understand why on earth you invited them in the first place.

[Callthemidwifeplease]

Tell him dinner is at 2pm if its actually at 3pm or whatever works

[Heismyopendoor]

Time to step up and actually look out for your husband and DC. This year should be the last that you have your brother and his family over.

[DisgruntledGuineaPig]

Oh yes, wasnt it in The Good Life when Jerry had "political chicken pox"? Basically so Margot could cancel all their plans over Christmas..

Someone needs political flu. I bet your kids would be up for it.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

My MiL likes to be an hour late to everything. We tell her things are happening a couple of hours before they really are.

[justmyview]

Christmas dinner is in our house. Issue is my brother & family usually turn up late
Tell them what time you plan to eat, and eat when it's ready. If they arrive late, they can reheat leftovers in the microwave

They kinda expect my kids who are older to watch their kids
Possible they think the cousins enjoy spending time together. I think it is reasonable to expect children to look after younger cousins. Could you put a film on and let the children watch it together?

Cos their kids can be demanding we tend not to have a family game after dinner cos one of them will kick off
Are your nieces / nephews too young for the family games you would like to play? If so, as a host, you need to try to cater for your guests. However, if the children are spoilt brats who misbehave, that's different

[DukeChatsworth]

If you don’t stop this @CrazyMoma your kids will grow up to remember Christmas as a shit day. Don’t do that to them.

[justmyview]

Tell him dinner is at 2pm if its actually at 3pm or whatever works

I'm not sure about this. It seems to be pandering to him, rather than addressing the behaviour. If you tell him you'll serve lunch at 2 PM, lunch is served at 2 PM, and he misses it, tough luck on him. Remember, people who are "always late for everything" don't miss job interviews, holidays, or anything that actually matters to them

[Hollywolly1]

I'd cancel right now make some excuse,put your own family first.why on earth can they not cook for themselves have they no electricity every Christmas.This is just ridiculous carry on

[Hollywolly1]

And you are being extremely unfair to your children and your husband

[MakeItRain]

I think I'd be going with the sudden onset of d and v excuse. Tell them today so they have time to buy their own lunch.