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To get rid of these presents?

20 replies

Ermmmmname · 21/12/2019 23:43

So we’ve received some presents from someone we’ve made clear we want nothing to do with. We still don’t want anything to do with them.
Wasn’t sure if we should accept them, return them or donate them to charity?
2 addressed to me and DH, 2 for DD who isn’t old enough to say what she’d prefer.
YABU- just accept the gifts
YANBU- Reject/donate gifts

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2019 23:44

Have they got a return address? I’d send them back.


OhWellThatsJustGreat · 21/12/2019 23:46

If you've made it clear you don't want anything to do with the sender, return them. I assume you have a return address if you've given it as an option?


MrsAJ27 · 21/12/2019 23:46

Send them back if you can, if not give 2 charity or the homeless


Ermmmmname · 21/12/2019 23:46

Should add, sent through a mutual friend so might make it awkward for them to return them.

OP posts:

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 21/12/2019 23:47

I'd return them if possible, it sends a clear message. Maybe with a note saying any future mail will be destroyed/donated, so if they try again you just take them to the charity shop


FaithInfinity · 21/12/2019 23:48

I’d donate them. If you’re NC, even sending them back is in effect communicating with them. Donate them to a local refuge and imagine something positive coming out of the situation.


MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/12/2019 23:54

I think that, to an extent, it depends why you want nothing to do with them. So, if you've cut them out of your life because they're hard work and you'd just rather not see them anymore then probably not worth making a drama out of it so just accept the gifts but re-gift/donate at a later date as you wish. If they've done something really awful though (as in something abusive, dishonest or criminal) that means you don't want to be associated with them at all and need to make a stand then don't accept them.


Maryann1975 · 21/12/2019 23:57

I think return them, with a note like Lionel says, that Says any further mail will be destroyed. If you keep the gift, even if you donate them, they might think it’s ok to send more gifts in future, therefore prolonging the issue. If you send them back, they know you aren’t enjoying their gift. So a waste of time and money sending them.
Who did they send the gifts through? I would be wary of sending the gifts back through the same channels as it could be really awkward (depends on person/reasons for not wanting the gifts). I would send them back through Royal Mail or similar, or post them through the door if close by. (We’ve had a similar issue in the past and after the first return, thankfully nothing further was sent).


1Morewineplease · 21/12/2019 23:57

I agree with @MinisterforCheekyFuckery


Notso · 22/12/2019 00:03

It would have been better not to accept them from the mutual friend in the first place but I understand this was a potentially difficult situation.

It depends whether you think this might lead to more communication and if you want the person to know you haven't accepted the gifts.


CSIblonde · 22/12/2019 00:10

Return them. I donated gifts from NC relative & they then used it as stick to beat me with (the person who passed them to me for NC relative, told them I'd donated them to underage single mum's support place across the road).


Boots20 · 22/12/2019 00:12

Sounds like they are offering an olive branch? Depends completely on the situation as to why you dont want them of course


Ermmmmname · 22/12/2019 00:15

When the mutual friend gave them they were in a big bag with others so no idea at the time!
I might do the donate then, as I don’t want to make things awkward for the mutual friend but I really don’t feel comfortable accepting them.
I like the idea of something positive coming out of the situation! I feel a bit guilty taking away presents that were meant for DD but she does have plenty otherwise anyway.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 22/12/2019 00:17

It depends why you want nothing to do with this person. If they wronged you in the past, could they be trying to make amends? (EG, if the person was an addict of some kind and has now got clean and is trying to build bridges, it might be a better, kinder thing to do to accept the gifts.) If the person is abusive and manipulative, and you know these gifts are an attempt to reel you back in, just give them to an appropriate charity (why shouldn't someone else benefit - the gifts can't cause distress to a stranger.)


VenusTiger · 22/12/2019 00:22

You’re not taking them away from DD, as you’re not accepting them or expecting them in the first place.
Donate them and get a message back to sender to let them know. Call it closure.


LilQueenie · 22/12/2019 00:33

more importantly I would ask mutual friend to stay out of the situation and refuse to pass on gifts or messages from now on.


Fatasfooook · 22/12/2019 00:59

Don’t return them. If you are going NC and they know this then them sending gifts is them trying to instigate contact. If you return they have their desire of a reaction from you. Open them and put the contents in the charity shop.


IncrediblySadToo · 22/12/2019 01:07

Does the mutual ‘friend’ know you’re NC with this person? Is so, then they shouldn’t be acting as a go between for this other person, your friend might need to pick an side’ here. Atbthe very least they need to return the gifts and make it clear they won’t be used by this other person.


pumpandthump · 22/12/2019 05:05

We've had this previously. I drove to persons house and left the gifts on the doorstep, with a note asking them not to involve mutual friend again and I also asked the mutual friend not pass on further gifts.


Piffle11 · 22/12/2019 09:24

We had this: birthday gift sent to DS via family member. Family member knew there was a massive issue between us but was hoping it would ‘blow over’ (never will). I gave the gift back to FM and said we didn’t want it, or anything else from them. Ever. They still sent cards for birthdays and Christmas but I know their writing and they go straight in the bin.

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