AIB unrealistic in wanting to change my life?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Sorry if this is long.

This is not just because there's a new year coming up, but good timing. I have been seperated for over 2 years, still living in the marital home. I'm will be starting divorce proceedings and buying my ex out of the house next year.

This process needs to be gone through, I will find it incredibly stressful. Ex is not always very reasonable. He was controlling and abusive. Still is. Or tries to be.

As if this is not enough, I really feel ready to start putting myself first a bit more. Sort my diet out. Take more exercise (I used to do a lot, 2 under 2 and single put paid to that) drink more water, less wine. With the aim of improving my health. I could do with losing weight but hopefully that will be a beneficial side effect...

Agree some reasonable contact arrangements (I've had 2 nights child free in 4 years, one when I was ill) maybe go out.

I don't know why I'm posting really. I feel motivated, and a but overwhelmed. Any support, or pointers? Kicks up the arse?

I don't know why there's a vote. Accidental.

Read Gary Barlow's autobiography. Yes you can do it.

Thank you, I've just looked it up. Reading like I used to is also on my list, so I'll order it!

It's really impressive.

Not unreasonable in the slightest! Good luck.

New year new you, new life. Go for it.

Thanks. I've spoken to a couple of people about it, and they think I'm setting myself up to fail. The divorce/house will be enough for me to deal with, apparently.

Can you afford therapy?
I've started to go. It is definitely helping.

What sort? I've had a course of cbt through work though if I'm honest, I haven't found it that helpful. Well, I say that, having someone to talk to has helped, but I dont think that's the point!

I wasnt in your situation but I found reading How to do everything and be happy by peter jones very helpful. It was recommended on mn and Ive been recommending it on here since.

Of course you can make changes.
Yes the move and divorce process will have some stresses and anxiety but you know it is coming and can therefore be as prepared as possible to reduce stress. You can’t control your ex but you can control how much emotional energy you are willing to invest in any bullshit he tries to throw at you. Nod and smile. OK HUN. Then crack on with what you’re doing - keep focused in other words.

In terms of child free time, if you don’t have a family or friends support network then how about professional sitting service? There is a website sitters.co.uk I think, all fully verified etc etc. Worth looking into. Or if you don’t want to do that, a local gym with a crèche so you can get a swim or a work out in once a week - just basic ideas, you don’t HAVE to be shackled to your kids, there are ways to get a few hours a week to yourself (outside of contact hours)

You can absolutely change the things you don’t like about your life, bring more happiness, positivity and personal growth, why the hell not??? It’s not like you’re setting a goal to be a millionaire by next Xmas, you just want to be happier - it’s completely within your reach and control!