As a kid I loved Christmas and have a lot of special memories. However I have a lot of Christmas memories of loneliness and the season generally makes me reflect of those no longer here.
My mum passed away when I was young and that’s when my siblings stopped coming over for dinner. Instead myself and my dad would spend it with my grandparents which was fine, but dull. It would be like any other day but with others posting on Facebook how wonderful the season was. My teen years was spent with sometimes not even a Christmas lunch, Nan watching her soaps (we would have to be in silence), I’d have a book and my grandad would be watching sports all day. It was fine but pretty shit.
This year we lost our grandad, Nan in pieces obviously and doesn’t want to spend it away from home. My dad is bringing his new partner (he’s had a few since, all quite nice) and her adult son and grandkids (never met them before). I’m driving so no drinking (awkward polite conversation me thinks). My siblings aren’t able to make it and while they’ve been able to bail, I cannot say I’m bailing and spending Xmas with one of them.
I’ve been with my partner for a couple of years now and keeps going on how much he loves Christmas. How I need to stop being such a grinch and just enjoy spending time with the family. Well I’m not. I’m skint and can’t wait for the season to be over. I know it’s hard for him to understand. I don’t want to be Debbie downer and I have tried getting in the season but the more I try the more upsetting it is. Does anyone else feel this way?