To be pissed off that no one can be bothered to come and see us?

[JoylessChristmas]

NC because this is completely outing.

I'm single. One DD who is 9.

I try to make Christmas as exciting and fun as possible. In my pre-teen years Christmas was a lovely time with extended family and I would like that for my DD too. Things aren't straightforward as I have a difficult relationship with both parents (divorced) as in general my childhood was far from happy.

My siblings live in different parts of the country. Every Christmas I make sure my plans include travelling around to see them. Even doing it this way it has been difficult to spend much time with them because of their other commitments. They don't really travel to see us. One in particular has never even attempted to. If I didn't travel to see them, we wouldn't see them at all. We do occasionally see them at family occasions, when they happen, but DD isn't always there.

This year finances have made things difficult. Spending a lot on petrol and hotels was going to be a struggle. Even so, I tried to organise going to see everyone. They didn't get back to me so we're not seeing most of them. One is coming to visit but at a time which means DD will barely see them.

I don't want to talk to DD at length about it but I know she's upset as she loves seeing her aunts and uncles.

I feel so disappointed. I don't care if they don't want to see me but I do care that they can't be bothered to see my DD. I get on fine with them. We haven't fallen out. They just have other priorities.

If I challenged them about it they would probably say things are difficult because they will be seeing my parents. Because of a few incidents in recent years where I have been terribly hurt and let down by one of my parents (which was nothing new for them but it involved my DD so took things to a new level), I don't want to see them at Christmas.

It feels like I just pay the price for being on the receiving end of shit behaviour and standing up for myself and my daughter.

I would add that it was still me doing all the travelling around before all this happened.

I know this is a long post about nothing but I'm feeling angry tonight.

Can you make plans next Christmas that only involve you and dd? Maybe a trip together somewhere new (even just in the UK) over the holiday and specifically avoid visiting anyone?

I absolutely love Christmas. I loved it as a kid and I love it as an adult with kids.

But I've never been a 'Christmas visitor'. I just don't understand the need to start travelling about and visiting people at the busiest time of year, just because it's Christmas.

I much sooner post a gift and a card and visit people at other times of the year.

Oh what a shame! BUT I really genuinely think you can make it an awesome day just with your daughter and she'll be able to remember Xmas as a fab day where the two of you just got to have an awesome amount of fun.

Well, none of them have Christmas at their home. They all actually travel but not to us! It's difficult to make much of Christmas when you are a single mum of one and your family are busy elsewhere.

I'm not even talking about Christmas Day. I don't expect them to come to us on Christmas Day. I mean the entire Christmas period.

Don't do it. Don't expect others to do it. Christmas is a dreadful time to travel.

We've taken to visiting at different times of the year and family visit us at other times too. We'll visit inlaws (who are less than 100 miles away) between Christmas and New Year but even that is cancellable if the weather turns.

Make the Christmas you enjoy not the one you feel obliged to do. If you and DD want to travel the UK for Christmas then do it. If you want to see family then Skype.

I feel your pain OP - we are the ones that travel as well!

Neither of my siblings have been to my house at all and only one of DH's siblings has ever been. I really resent it tbh and it has changed how I feel about family.