MIL anxiety over gifts

[Orangeblossom78]

MIL rings me when then rest of the family is out about specific presents for me, DH and the DC. I'm really not sure. She told me she needs to know an exact thing, to stop the worrying of not getting it right.

I get this every year. I'm not sure why it is so hard just to get something and it not being 'right'. It stresses me out and makes me wonder if I should so the same

I don’t see anything wrong with your MILs approach, this way she knows she’s buying something that the recipient likes.

My side of the family do lists, usually with a choice of 2 or 3 specific ideas. Everyone gets something they want.

DH’s side of the family do not do lists. They seem to have a “let’s try and guess what X would like” approach.

DH has criticised the list approach. He thinks it’s rude to give out lists (even though my side of the family request them), and that it takes the fun out of presents because there’s no surprises.

But we’ve had some really unwanted stuff from his side of the family, including clothes that are the wrong size (never with a gift receipt), books and board games that we already own copies of, chocolates that are a hated flavour, and so on. I know they mean well, but I do wish they’d ask rather than wasting their money on things we can’t or won’t use.

My DM does this to me. I don't mind her wanting to get something that will be appreciated, but I very much indeed mind being made to basically be her intermediary for the whole thing!

So I now tell her something specific I'd like, and then to speak to the people concerned for what they'd like. Which she now does. Works a treat for DH and the kids (17 and 13), they get what they'd like, DM has no shopping stress and I don't need to get involved. Would this work for you?

Blimey she has left it late.
What have you got them? Suggest something that would match - ie you have bought child Lego set A, ask for Lego set B.

She's using you and is too lazy to think up gifts herself.

Okay here's some real gift anxiety: I'm buying a family member a beautiful silk dressing gown. She's probably a generous size 16. Do I buy the 16 which looks a bit skimpy or do I get the 18 which would have more wrapover but would that insult her? Oh the ANGST!

I'm not lazy. I just don't want to waste money on something that will be wasted.

Well according to some MNers, they don't appreciate most gifts, chuck them away or give them to the charity shop so if your mil has ever been on here, I can see why she's anxious.

I agree with you OP. I think being given a gift that they have thought of and is a surprise is the best kind. I'm actually very happy to receive a bath set as I like baths and chocolates are always welcome. I appreciate every gift I'm given

I would get the 18 and say something like the reviews were mixed on sizing for that brand and you were making sure/thought nightwear better not too worry/ ...make sure you can change it for smaller size if possible

Go for the 18. Include the receipt so she can change it.

Mention NOTHING about the size, whether that brand comes up small, etc. You'll just make things weird.

Good advice, thank you.

I do this to my grown up children. I want specifics for them and their families. Drives them mad but I was sick of them moaning about the presents I used to buy. My daughter in law never wore or used anything I bought her. My son thought anything I got him was rubbish. My daughter would just smile in a sarcastic way at her gift.
So,....now they complain I ask for detailed ideas.....Might stop bothering at all.

If you each add to a wishlist all year round, people can choose something off it (whether now or for your birthday), so it's still a surprise what you'll get, but it will definitely be something you want.

And then they might also start to learn what kind of thing you like and be more spontaneous.

There's a website here you can use: www.addwish.com/home.html

I wish my MIL would do this, the answer would be cash, or if cheque if she prefers 😬