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Do I force everyone to come or just let it go!

26 replies

Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 21/12/2019 16:29

I have been given tickets today for a fairly local event, this evening, by a relative as they are unable to go now. It a festive event I've wanted to go to for a few years but not got my act together to actually get the tickets in time.
Here's the dilemma we are going to a different but similar event with some other family members tomorrow. My dc 15,15,11 are saying that both are really boring and will only go to one event. So I suggested to DH that we go this evening without DC as I feel that they are ok for a couple of hours at home by themselves. DH hates leaving dd11 Y7 at home alone even when her older siblings are there. He has done it a couple of times but only when we are literally a five minute walk away. I know I can't force him to because if anything did happen I would not be forgiven. So AIBU to force dc to come with us both this evening and tomorrow, do I force just DD to come this evening or do I give up on this evening and just go tomorrow?
Just need some perspective really.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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MyNewBearTotoro · 21/12/2019 16:30

Can’t you just go without DH and leave him to look after DD?


DeathStare · 21/12/2019 16:31

Unless there is a good drip-feed coming as to why your DH has issues leaving an 11 year old with two 15 year olds for a couple of hours, I'd tell him he's being ridiculous and just the two of you go.


theendoftheendoftheend · 21/12/2019 16:31

Take the 11 yr old with you and leave the 15 yr olds at home?


Bessica1970 · 21/12/2019 16:33

Don’t force anyone to do anything! You want to go - no one else does, go yourself and leave everyone else to do what they want. It doesn’t sound like your OH really wants to go anyway.


DeathStare · 21/12/2019 16:33

If your DH really won't leave your DD, then go on your own.

I definitely wouldn't force the DC to go to a similar event they don't want to go to twice in two days


TwoOddSocks · 21/12/2019 16:33

Bribe the 11 year old to come an leave the teenagers?


CarolinaPink · 21/12/2019 16:33

If you can trust your 2 x 15 (and presumably you can) go with DH to what you want and leave them to babysit. You have a mobile, right?


ISmellBabies · 21/12/2019 16:37

Dh is being ridiculous but what can you do. Sorry everyone is pissing on your parade op.


LouLou789 · 21/12/2019 16:48

Leave them all to it, and go yourself, maybe round up one or two friends to come along too, or an older neighbour who is on their own and would enjoy an outing


Grumpyunleashed · 21/12/2019 16:52

So 4 of them piss on OPs parade or OP pisses on 4 peoples parade.


HelloDulling · 21/12/2019 16:54

I’ll come! I love Christmassy things! Do you have a friend like me?


TheNewSchmoo · 21/12/2019 16:55

Don't force people to do things they don't want to. No-one will enjoy it


MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 21/12/2019 17:01

Take the 11 yr old and leave DH and the boys at home instead. Smile


Iggleonkupsy · 21/12/2019 17:05

Do you have any friends who may be up for going? Worth an ask! I'd snap up the opportunity to do something festive tonight (if I wasnt already babysitting for friends!)


Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 21/12/2019 17:56

No drip feed DH is just sooooo overprotective. 11 year old is adamant she's not going it's really not worth the stress of everyone moaning is it. I've messaged a couple of friends to see if they are up for it. However it's now starting raining and it's an outdoors event so maybe we all stay in and enjoy tomorrow instead 😔

OP posts:

ISmellBabies · 21/12/2019 18:09

Grumpyunleached the op is not pissing on their parade. They are refusing to have a parade. If anything, the op is trying to parade on their piss. But she's not insisting on it, as they are insisting on pissing on her parade.


Livelovebehappy · 21/12/2019 18:23

Maybe making them go to one event is just about ok, but definitely not forcing them to go to both. It’s a bit unfair to make them go two nights on the trot to something they find boring.


LiviaSoprano · 21/12/2019 18:25

Why force them to go to things they think are boring and don't want to go to?

Can't you go on your own today if no one else is bothered?


KellyHall · 21/12/2019 18:28

I'd just go without any of them.

But, I do like my own company and can't stand trying to do things with someone who doesn't want to be there - it reminds me of my first husband!


nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 21/12/2019 18:44

pair them up the two 15 year olds and the 11 yr old and DH. each pair has to come to one event each with you. then you get to go to both but they only need to come to one 😁


Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 21/12/2019 18:58

@Liviasoprano if I didn't force them to do things they found "boring" sometimes we'd never go out as a family. I sometimes do things I don't particularly enjoy because it makes them happy. I think I was pushing it today though.
@nocutsnobuttsnococonuts Great idea for the future actually I've always liked to divide and conquer. The thing about tomorrow is it includes some cousins they don't see that much and one of them in particular would be upset if he didn't see them all.
Staying in it is this evening but nobody's going to be pissing on my parade tomorrow.

OP posts:

CodenameVillanelle · 21/12/2019 19:00

Does your DH want your 11 year old to develop confidence and independence skills at all? Or keep them a baby forever?


Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 21/12/2019 19:04

@CodenameVillanelle I agree I'm working on it the 15 year olds are boys and 11 year old is his little girl. Don't worry she pushes back. He won't get away with it for much longer!

OP posts:

CodenameVillanelle · 21/12/2019 19:08

Yeah, that's not good for her at all. If he has some macho ideas about being more 'protective' of a girl remind him that if he keeps her dependent and doesn't teach her self reliance, appropriate awareness of risk and common sense she'll be more vulnerable when she gets to secondary school.


Runworkeatsleeprepeat · 21/12/2019 19:25

@CodenameVillanelle She's at secondary school and is doing very well. I've already had a discussion about it with him and getting him to reign it in. It's ironic really as he's got a much younger sister and has always commented about how differently his dad treats her compared to him and his brothers. He does it to the boys too always getting them to ring him when they are out. I have pointed out that when he was 15 he was out clubbing and drinking. I know times are different now but he's got to let go otherwise my daughter will rebel against it for definite she's one feisty character.

OP posts:
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