A little kindness goes a long way?

[HTruffle]

I'm currently in the throes of a D&V bug and feeling shitty as you'd expect.

Everyone else in the household (DH and 2 x DC) are fine so far, fingers crossed they don't get it. Kids are far too young to understand (5 & 3) but came up for cuddles and my eldest asked if I was OK. My DH on the other hand has been huffing and puffing around all day because obviously he's had to look after both kids on his own. Since he got up this morning he's spent a total of around 5 minutes with me, so I've had no company, no offers of anything (I can't eat or drink yet but for example to pass me a book, or hot water bottle etc), and just been given the impression that me needing the day 'off' is causing him a headache.
For info, they're good kids, but full on as they all are at that age. I work very part time hours while he works full time but I do 95% of the household jobs including every Christmas present for his entire (huge) family.

Just feel that when I need some kindness and love back in return it's sadly lacking. AIBU? I struggle to know whether to say anything or what to say to him, because he's basically a very good and decent man, but surely everyone deserves to feel looked after once in a while?

He's basically not a very good or decent man. He's not kind to you when you're sick, he begrudges you being unwell and doesn't want to parent his own children.

So sorry OP.
D&V is really miserable.

I'm a firm believer that when you are ill you can really see your partner clearly.

You are doing too much.
He's not used to doing his share.
That needs to change.

Do not apologize for being ill.

Do tell him his lack of consideration for you while you are soooooo sick is deeply upsetting.
Let him hear this.

Somehow he thinks its ok to feel pissed off with the person in the house who does the most, when she dares to become ill 🙄!!!

How dare you become ill.....🙄

He is behaving badly, he needs to know this.

You need to reflect on how you have allowed things to get to a stage, where you do everything and cannot be unwell for even one day.

Not a good place to find yourself.

You definitely deserve better than this.

I hope you feel better soon.

I also hope you make the changes in the dynamic in your relationship that are clearly necessary.

💐

Thank you both very much for your replies. I told him in the evening that I’d felt really disappointed in his manner all day and he apologised. I think we need to chat again but this may be a case of him treating me how he’d want to be treated ie plenty of peace and quiet when what I wanted was some tlc. I am grateful for your kind response, billy1966.

Honestly if my partner had d&v bug I wouldn't be going anywhere near them. If you are well enough to read a book surely your well enough to get it yourself?
But he shouldn't be angry that he has to look after his own children , that's not right.

Good for you OP. He doesn't need to be in on top of you, just a regular pop in to check do you need anything.

Women often do do, too much. Then the house nearly ceases up when they dare to be ill.

Men know bloody well whats involved but some can carefully look the other way.

Do not rush back OP to doing everything. Take this opportunity to shift the dynamic.
It's a great time to do it.

Doing everything is fxxxing thankless and a road to major dissatisfaction and resentment in a relationship.

Don't be pushed into a situation where your children go to and depend on you for everything.

In life situations you can be a looser or a learner.
Take this opportunity to realise you do too much in your home and are going to make the changes in your life so that D&V isn't a catastrophe for everyone and not just you.

Wishing you a speedy recovery 👍💐