AIBU to want DH to pick his present to me?

[HuggedTrees]

I do all the Christmas present shopping for all family on both sides/kids and friends etc. It’s what I love doing and choose to and it works out with free time/jobs so for me it’s not a chore and something I look forward to. So I am not a put upon wife in that sense.
I have given DH some ideas over the last few months, he hasn’t given me any ideas so I’ve bought him his Christmas presents. Today he asks me what I want, says there is no point in buying me something I don’t want, and it’s better for me to tell him and get something I want. So I gave him a few ideas and he said he hasn’t got time to research them and is a bit annoyed that 4 days before Christmas I have got his present and he can’t get what he wants now as I’ve bought him a few little things.
AIBU to be sad that he can’t think of something that he might think I would like rather than me coming up with the idea for him?
I absolutely love thinking of what to buy people and the enjoyment people get from things, and this year is the first year since a pay increase we have been able to really treat friends and family so I’ve been enjoying it. So now he’s spending all day trying to find something on prime which I’ll see as I use the prime account, he doesn’t have one when we were going Christmas food shopping.
Might go and have a cry in the shower.

DH is crap at presents and hates shopping. I am good at presents and love shopping. I’ve done all the Christmas shopping and today I went and got my own stuff for him to give to me.

He stayed at home and did a pre Christmas clean.

The only thing he will pick himself for me is a wee stocking / pruck bag of smellies and chocolates.

This works for us and we are both happy with it.

Sadly, I can top that
My ExH hasn't spoken to my in 2 months. No idea why, and I'm not asking. It will be some petty imagined slight, no doubt.
Yesterday he text me to ask what the eldest 2 wanted for Christmas. I suggested he ask them (both grown ups btw not little kids). He had already asked the youngest 2 what they wanted, so not an unreasonable suggestion.
He said, I don't care to do that
I said, OK
This morning he text again, Aren't you going to suggest ANYTHING????????? (His emphasis, not mine)
I consider telling him to do one, but don't want to be petty at Christmas so send over a few ideas for each of them.
I know that he has seen the messages, but has he replied? No.
He's got what he wants and is back to ignoring me
It was always my job to think about presents (I never got one after the first couple of years), and even though we have been divorced 10 years, its still my job.
I'm kicking myself for falling for it

@hazell42 if I were you I’d say to your eldest that your dad asked for Christmas and you hoped you suggested things that you would like. So call him out on it, and don’t kick yourself, you weren’t doing his bidding you were trying to protect your children

He's just making excuses

Oh if I buy you something and you don't love it then I'll be sad so its easier for me to just opt out altogether.

It's rubbish. Did he ever buy you presents?

My dh told me a couple of days ago that he hadn’t managed to get me anything yet and only had a very limited budget so I suggested a couple of shops that I liked stuff from. He’s had to be trained over the years, I don’t shop for him, all his family he buys for and he buys for the kids. I think it’s a difficult dynamic where he seems to see it as your job !

I’ve bought loads of stuff for myself the last couple of months and also last night on qvc so I’m getting treats for myself, it’s a shame they don’t make more effort. I’m not putting a lot of effort into his, but I think why ? When he doesn’t for me ! Really otherwise our relationship is good, had some rough times this year but really reconnected recently and getting on, but can’t get it together to show me with a gift 💝

@HuggedTrees

Good idea. I might just do that The kids tell me has has invited himself round to my house on Christmas morning. He has neither asked nor informed me about it. I am assuming (-hoping-) that he is not intending on staying for lunch.
I might just let it slip out when we are all together

I agree with Sn0tnose's assessment of andyjusthangingaround's post.

OP, YANBU. Regardless of the "languages of love" it's doesn't take a genius to pay attention to the person you supposedly love and just see what they like. It sounds like OP isn't even bothered about the price, just that for once she gets a gift she hasn't had to do anything about.

It's not an unreasonable ask, actually. And I get fed up hearing people (mostly blokes) going on about it being 2-3 days to Xmas and they haven't had time to get anything. Well, Xmas day is the same date every year, we all have all year to sort something out.

My ex used to use this excuse, did the same on my birthday too, and some years I'd get nothing, not even a card, because he never did cards. He never organised anything from our DC either. Yet would get stroppy if I didn't get suitable gifts on his birthday/Xmas day/father's day, including sorting out gifts from DC. One of many, many reasons I left, which all generally point to him being a selfish git.

I've literally just had this conversation with my DH. We've compromised in that we will go shopping together tomorrow so that I can show him a few things/styles I like (apparently a list of things isn't enough) then go and have a coffee and cake (which he can also pay for) while he goes back with DS to either get what I picked, something similar or something completely random. Win Win in my opinion as he'll be confident he's got me something I'd like, and I also get a surprise of knot knowing exactly what he's got for me until Christmas Day!

I work with all men ( I’m the only female in a team of about 20) and I would say this is standard behaviour for about 75% of them. Depressing.

My DH used to be pretty bad at shopping and surprises but I realised that he learned his behaviour from his own (crap present buying) dad. Since I’ve expressed my expectations he has been much much better.

OP YANBU. And I agree that having this discussion now, 4 days before Christmas is not cool. Even when there might be financial reasons for not shopping until now, there is no reason why the thought & decision can’t be made in advance.

I have has 20yrs of zero surprises on Christmas Day because my DH insists he needs a list. It’s actually pretty crappy opening a gift when you know the content. Six weeks ago I told him that I wasn’t prepared to do that anymore. That I wanted him to simply choose what he wanted to buy for me, based on what he thought I would like. He initially panicked but I have ignored all attempts at getting me to discuss & finally last weekend he appeared extremely pleased with himself 😂 I have no idea what it will be & tbh I really don’t mind. It’s the fact that it’s a surprise that he has put thought into.

Haha Edina that's so cool. I'm really excited for you now! I bet it's lovely.

Edina, please come back and tell us what you got!
We had a big chat, he’s bought me something that I’ve mentioned before so not a surprise, but next year I’ve said I want a surprise. I really enjoyed when we made little stockings for each other, I mainly got random crap from various service stations over the year but had the best fun.

100% agree, not the hubby but the ILs, couldn’t be arsed to think what to buy the baby so gave cash...via bank transfer, couldn’t even be bothered to withdrawn cash and put it in a card 🙄