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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think presents should wait until Xmas day?

51 replies

StayDetermined · 21/12/2019 14:20

I’ve always done presents on Christmas Day only (the exception being unwrapped gifts of chocolate or similar), or some after Christmas Day if visits to relatives happen then, which has happened for the past two years.

MIL wants the kids to open theirs this weekend during our visit. Children are 2 and 5 and really believe in Santa. We do Santa stockings and one big present, and then rest are from the giver delivered by him, so she would still get credit for them. We live far enough away and she won’t/can’t travel to spend the day with us as FIL is too old and infirm to cope with the journey.

I want to wait. AIBU to insist on it or should I back down with grace?

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 21/12/2019 15:02

I think you're being a bit mean. Of course MIL would like to see their reactions. They'll still have the rest for xmas day.

Ibeatmykids11 · 21/12/2019 15:07

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AndAnotherNameChanger · 21/12/2019 15:07

Santa only brings presents from Santa.

Massively ungrateful of you to prevent MIL from getting to give the presents herself to her GC - and frankly you're stopping your kids from getting the most out of all their presents. Especially at the age yours are lots of presents all in one go is overwhelming - much better to spread it out.

Ya-also-bu to put won't/can't when the reason is that her husband is too infirm to be able to travel - she can't.

YouFellAsleeep · 21/12/2019 15:10

Why did you make the Santa thing confusing by saying he delivers other people’s presents? What a weird way to do it. YABU to not let MIL see the children open the presents.

dreichXmas · 21/12/2019 15:11

You should back down with grace OP

This isn't a fight you need to have, it isn't great to try and control other people's presents.

Original poster
StayDetermined · 21/12/2019 15:29

Kids have now had the presents from MIL and SIL.
They were/are an absolutely huge pile, and have duplicated at least two of our presents as they bought a lot more that was suggested (I didn’t tell them what to buy at all, just gave them a list of a few things the children would like, looks like they’ve bought them all and then some)
Kids are having a ball though, and MIL is now happy, which is the most important thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
StayDetermined · 21/12/2019 15:31

And for those of you saying Santa only brings presents from Santa, we’ve always done it as Santa is like a postman and delivers presents for everyone, just different traditions I guess.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 21/12/2019 15:39

Well done OP. Sounds as if Christmas may be hard for MIL if FIL is not well and this has made her happy.

ManiacalLapwing · 21/12/2019 15:40

We do Santa stockings and one big present, and then rest are from the giver delivered by him, so she would still get credit for them.
YABU. It should be up to the giver if they want to follow your tradition or to give their gifts to the children themselves. It's easier for the children to understand who the gifts are from if given in person, and the giver has the pleasure of seeing the children's reactions to their gift. I also think it's nicer to spread gifts out a bit over the Christmas period, not have them all on one day.

NameChangeNugget · 21/12/2019 15:51

I think you’re being incredibly mean

sleepingpup · 21/12/2019 15:52

I think you're being very U.

They want to see the gifts they've bought being opened because it's a lovely joyful thing. Isn't it lovely your DC have grandparents who care.

Spread the joy and love Op. Give a little on the traditions. There will be lots of pressies left to do that with.

This is what Christmas is all about. Sharing joy - not rules set in stone.

Hope you have a very happy one.

dreichXmas · 21/12/2019 16:58

Good decision OP.
Even if it was irritating for you.

crosstalk · 21/12/2019 17:18

You seem to have compromised OP well done.

We tended to have one on Xmas Eve for DC - a small stocking for them on Christmas morning, and some after lunch.

The DC also saved any to open with family on Boxing Day or the following week. The pleasure was prolonged and Christmas morning wasn't a snatch and grab (with tags getting lost which made me despair). It also meant more time for walks and cooking.

But each to their own. Clearly some people can't have gift givers round but thanks to skype and facetime and video sending, it can be joyous.

RedPanda2 · 21/12/2019 17:23

If some people's children think all gifts are from 'santa' who do they address their thank you cards to??

sleepingpup · 21/12/2019 17:36

Everyone has their own traditions @RedPanda2 .

Clearly you write thank you cards. Maybe some don't.

JaJoJe · 22/12/2019 11:39

You are not being unreasonable.

My kids wouldn't anyway, they themselves have always been assertive on waiting until Xmas, it would make them upset to force them to open something early and I wouldn't force it on them - their self restraint is one of the qualities I'm really proud they have.

JaJoJe · 22/12/2019 11:41

redpanda - I have never written, sent or received a thank you card in my life (I've only even heard of them on American websites) and would be utterly baffled if I did, it seems wasteful and redundant and turn what should be a selfless experience of giving into an selfish expectation of receiving an emotional reward.

NoseyBuggerMummy · 22/12/2019 12:05

YABU, they're her presents and she wants to see their expression when she opens them. You won't be able to keep up the santa delivers all presents thing anyway - they'll get gifts given to them from various people in the future and people aren't going to keep up the pretence.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 22/12/2019 12:10

Why on earth should other gift givers subsidise 'Santa'? The gifts are from GP so they should get to give them surely?

Cremebrule · 22/12/2019 12:22

I think you’ll end up tying yourself up in knots trying to get Santa to deliver all presents. We’ve always had to split Christmas across families and it is just normal for us to open presents when we see grandparents. We’ve done one set this weekend and will do one set at new year.

22Giraffes · 22/12/2019 12:23

I don't understand why Santa brings presents from other family and friends, seems a bit unfair that the giver is denied the pleasure of giving the gift!

EmrysAtticus · 22/12/2019 12:24

YABU. ILs are with us this weekend and we just did presents to and from them. DS still has plenty to open on Christmas Day and I think it is nice to spread it out as otherwise Christmas Day can be a bit overwhelming for some children.

tashac89 · 22/12/2019 12:31

I grew up seeing my cousins confused about how myself and my sister got more from Santa than they did. My youngest cousin always thought she had been bad and didn't deserve as many. My kids have always had just stockings from Santa and the rest from us plus family gifts that are given to them by the family. It was heartbreaking to watch, especially when I was old enough to know and not allowed to say anything.

Pfefferkuchen · 22/12/2019 15:29

If some people's children think all gifts are from 'santa' who do they address their thank you cards to??

they have more than enough opportunities to write thank you cards for Christmas once they no longer believe, parents can thank in the meantime. People don't buy presents to get brownie points, they buy presents to make little ones happy.

mumontherun14 · 22/12/2019 15:33

We did this last night with my DSIS as they are away to inlaws and travelling for a week. We had bought my D nephew something we really knew he would like and were so excited to see his face opening it. We all swapped presents and it was a lovely night. The kids get so much its nice sometimes to space it out.Mine are young teens so not as much about FC but I think you'd BU to deny their grandmother the joy of seeing them open their gifts x

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