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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner's Family

3 replies

MelancholyMother · 21/12/2019 06:27

Hi all.

I'm looking for some opinions/advice.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

Basically my when my DC was a few weeks old
my partner's mother decided to scream in my face while I was holding my DC because I wouldn't let her take my child out with her.
Some context here, my partner had an accident and needed medical attention. We called his family for help as I was unable to drive and sitting in A&E with a newborn didn't seem like the best idea. When they arrived they began making comments about me under their breath which at first I kind of rolled my eyes at originally. The comments were along the lines of 'don't bother with her, she won't trust us with the baby anyway.'
Further context, I had an emergency Caesarean section and had a hard recovery also due to pelvic girdle pain developed in early pregnancy. My partner had to do most things for baby in the first couple of weeks and I was starting to get back on my feet and wanted to do things for my self. However, whenever his family was there I would find DC being taking from me because I was 'changing the nappy wrong' or something of that variation. DC was also taken from me when I tried to do the first bath because they wanted to do it.

We invited them over numerous times but were often knocked back because they were with their other grandchildren. The only way they wanted to see DC is if they were to have DC minus me. I still don't understand this as there was no previous issues with his family and myself. Eventually they didn't bother because I was asking to tag along. (I have family but they live a couple of hours away so don't see them as much as I would like) So this is the only company I really have and would have benefitted from it.
Anyway, that day his mother decided to scream in my face while I was holding my sleeping DC and demanded they take baby away with them. I was not in a position to drive or sit with my partner for hours in A&E so we called thinking they could help. I didn't want to be away from DC as I was just getting time that I lost at the beginning back and trying to bond more. Like I say I was also still in a lot of pain (which they disputed was true because 'they know people who were fine in a week after a section')
So, after this my partner has seen them without DC a couple of times and his family haven't reached out asking about DC otherwise.
This was 6 months ago.
My partner wants to take DC to visit on Christmas Eve, in his words for a 'peaceful life' as he thinks if he doesn't visit then they will kick off again.
Partner's dad wasn't involved in the situation and he feels like he is losing out. I understand this but he also hasn't made any effort to visit.
I do not want DC anywhere near them.
Partner thinks I'm stubborn.
So what do you all think, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/12/2019 06:39

NO sorry ..there is no way you are being unreasonable.They behaved like absolute morons and they do not deserve any relationship with your little one .I would suggest you carry on as you are without them. They sound unhinged and stark raving mad. And most importantly they do not ever get to choose to seperate a baby from its mother..who the hell do they think they are. Your partner needs to grow a spine too and tell them that as his partner and mother of his baby they should respect you. Just leave it OP .Do nothing and do not let baby go. Atleast until they can redress their awful behaviour,start treating you with some respect and be civil. Based on what you have said they deserve nothing.Stick to your guns in protecting yourself and your child from them.You are not unreasonable in the slightest..they are and also so is your partner for wanting a peaceful life.He should be protecting both of you .

KatherineJaneway · 21/12/2019 07:04

I don't think this is a battle you can win so I'd let him go. They'll get to see dc for a few hours and hopefully his family might be less inclined to think poorly of you (even though you did nothing to deserve that treatment). I don't think taking a stand will help here.

Marmitepasta · 21/12/2019 07:10

Hmmm tricky one. They sound like total twats btw. However, if I didn't have anything else planned on Xmas eve, I would prob let them go for an hour or two and I wound stay home. Then enjoy my Xmas without them. But if I'd already had something planned with baby and others, i wouldn't be changing plans and would suggest another day.
I am not a big fan of my fil and avoid seeing him but don't stop dp and he kids going (they don't have mega regular contact anyway so it's seems pointless to stop them)

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