Hi there,
I 24F have just moved back to my home country after nearly 4 years of being at university. I have had the nice surprise that my country will help fund my startup. I feel elated I am getting to pursue this. I feel so lucky and it's surreal.
The reason I want to ghost my friend is because she has done lots of problematic stuff however this is the straw that has broke the camels back; asking her to visit my country for years, she is going at the drop of a hat for New Year with her controlling 37 year old boyfriend and a group of people who include a university staff member who was horrible to me. It broke my heart in a way.
In university, me and my friend used to be each others enablers like lots of people are in their early twenties. She was promiscuous and would cheat on her boyfriends. I had a rough set of teen years and got diagnosed with complex PTSD that led me in to drugs and drink. My poison. Our university city is the party capital of our country so its normal for drink and drugs to be consumed whenever and however. However after a bad night in A and E 18 months ago, I realised I would die if I didn't change so went to therapy. I got clean, got intensive CBT and DBT therapy, read books on my condition started a sport I fell in love with. Giving up drink and drugs was like losing a best friend. I did it though. She parties still.
I did an internship that I would have to be up for on Saturdays so I couldn't party and ended a good degree grade. It has been the most challenging year of my life but the most rewarding. My friend however hid behind her 37 year old boyfriend and as she works an unpaid internship and he pays the rent, she does what he wants. In my opinion, my friend isn't too dynamic. Really critical and has hurt me a lot. Doesn't believe in MH issues, said she was going to feign suicidal ideation to get out of writing an essay. And she got a bad degree grade too. They make me feel like a bit of a freak. My other university friends have truly stuck through me throughout everything and I have time for them. So supportive over my business but also give critique. Her response 'I'm jealous' and a snarl.
Since I got clean and have had my 'glow up', I'm realising that friend contacts me more and more the more she hears I have success yet wasn't very kind when I was having problems. Her boyfriend would always exclude me and say shady things, was rude to my friend when we were at a festival, and she was having a panic attack and has made derogatory comments about my 'big booty' to her in front of me.
She keeps ringing me now she has heard I have started my business. Any argument that I need a break from friendship will result in me feeling I've done wrong. I ask whether I feel like this though as
- She has a really different worldview and as shes been my friend for 3 years I should carry on. She also has nice traits and buys nice gifts when I see her
- Ask if she's changing. I changed, I changed my life. But she keeps doing not so nice things and I don't enjoy time with her.
- Ask myself that it's my problem I feel such a misfit around her.