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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What happens on your birthday?

62 replies

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 20/12/2019 23:07

My birthday is Christmas Eve.
I've conditioned myself to think that cards, maybe a present, done, then onto Christmas. This is the way it's always been, despite my lovely parents, partner and children trying.

I don't want an extravaganza or even a party. More than 10 minutes would be nice though. Actually family remembering a text (not even a card) would be nice.

This is more of a poor me than anything to be fair. I think I've turned it in to a non event from years of non celebration.

So my aibu is:

Do you celebrate more than 10 mins = not unreasonable

Naa get on with Christmas = I'm unreasonable

Light hearted by the WAY.

OP posts:

PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 21/12/2019 00:07

My birthday is the day before my teenage sibling.. Therefore there's so much planning for her birthday I kinda forget about mine.. I get up open cards and if any gifts. Then go about my day. Dh goes to work.. Ds school. And thats it.
Maybe a take away in the eve

I never have expectations then there's never disappointments.
But in honestly it doest bother me.

Feelingstupid123456789101112 · 21/12/2019 00:10

I think birthdays so close to Christmas get gobbled up in the festivities. My sister’s is Boxing Day and mine is New Years Eve. As a child, my mum suggested we pick a day mid June to celebrate our birthdays but this seemed daft and we grew up in the Southern Hemisphere so our actual birthdays were in summer, which we liked. Our brothers birthday is in August and we definitely noted that his birthday was a stand alone event, rather than a string of small celebrations 😂
As an adult, I literally couldn’t give a shit. In my twenties I was always expected to choose NYE activities as it was also my birthday. This year, I’m turning 31 and I will be on the couch in my pyjamas.

Monny1 · 21/12/2019 00:11

My birthday is Christmas Eve too! I usually celebrate with a meal out with my family. Hope your family remember to celebrate it more this year. It’s not excuse because of Christmas. They get a chance to be fussed over when it’s their birthdays.

peppersaunt · 21/12/2019 00:11

Happy birthday to all fellow December birthdays (20th). My sister’s birthday is also this week so we would have a small half birthday celebration in June when we were young. I’ve celebrated by having a chest infection diagnosed. Yippee.

Original poster

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 21/12/2019 00:13

Aww lovely responses.
Happy birthday December babies.
As I said it's OK now just a bit when family don't acknowledge.

As a child it was hard though.

OP posts:

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 21/12/2019 00:13

My birthday is mid summer so no issues with Christmas etc, DH and I tend to go out for the evening somewhere and pre DS we'd often take a last minute holiday or city break around that time, but on the actual day I'm often at work. Can you celebrate the weekend before?

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 21/12/2019 00:14

Oh and DS was six weeks early, I'm actually thankful for that because he was due on boxing Day!

bridgetreilly · 21/12/2019 00:19

I'm always amazed by the people who expect/demand a huge fuss for their adult birthdays, tbh. Mine is on a normal date in the middle of the year and I don't have parties, go out drinking, take the day off work or expect anyone else to. Family and a few friends will send a card and a couple of them usually get me a present. And these days, half of Facebook will leave me a message over there. That's it.

So, I understand why it's frustrating for children to have Christmas/New Year birthdays, but I really think adults should be over it.

bridgetreilly · 21/12/2019 00:21

Close family not remembering is pretty poor, though. It's not like it's a difficult day to have in your mind!

whenskiesaregrey · 21/12/2019 00:24

My birthday is the 4th of Jan which I think I may have read is the most depressing day to have a birthday. Everyone is poor, dieting, in the gym, going back to work z depressed, fed to of partying. I hate my birthday. If anyone remembers my birthday, I feel honoured. I just hate how 'obliged' it makes everyone feel.

lifeisgoodagain · 21/12/2019 00:41

My birthday falls in the summer holidays and we were often away when they were school age, I was lucky to get a card but I tended to engineer things so we had a fun activity (part of the holiday but I chose the schedule) or a special meal etc - best year was a lovely carriage ride, part of the package but the date fitted

woodymiller · 21/12/2019 01:00

Tbf January birthdays are probably worse. Try & organise a night out - everyone's doing dry January/on a diet/skint/all of the above. Presents - either bought in the sales or re-gift

Sugarhouse · 21/12/2019 21:02

My birthday is Xmas eve too I just don’t even bother doing anything anymore it’s a rubbish time for a birthday and I’m so preoccupied with Christmas prep

PebbleBubbleFountain · 21/12/2019 21:34

It was my birthday last week. My DP does make an effort and I do get birthday cards which is nice (although finding space to put them up with the Christmas cards can be tricky!). I have a 'significant' birthday next year so will probably try arrange something at home with a few close friends.

Before DC we would have a spontaneous day out in the summer e.g. overnight stay in London to see a show as a mini birthday thing. Now our days out are to entertain DC!

Peterslee · 21/12/2019 22:22

My baby (toddler) will be 2 on Boxing Day and it really upset me last year that nobody bothered much other than both of our sets of parents. Everyone had commitments and plans for Christmas. Sad to think that she will forever not have a ‘proper’ birthday party

Original poster

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/12/2019 20:48

Thanks all. I'm fine with it these days to be honest but for young ones it's quite sad.
Peterslee I hope your little one has a good birthday.

OP posts:

whatswrongnow · 22/12/2019 21:18

My dd is 11 on Christmas Day. We've spent years explaining that she can't really have a full on birthday on Christmas Day. We have Christmas morning and then dinner. After dinner we have her birthday cake and presents

Animum2 · 22/12/2019 21:43

Mines in June and I don't wait around to see if anybody wants to do anything to celebrate on the day, my dh and I will plan a day out for just the two of us and that suits us. His is 2 weeks later and we do the same again then, though he has 2 nephews birthdays in the same week so a lot of family stuff happens as well

ew1990 · 22/12/2019 21:46

Mines Christmas day. I do get separate presents though. But just open them in the morning with Christmas presents.

It never feels like my birthday

Mollypolly2610 · 22/12/2019 23:43

Mine is Hogmanay. Always feels like half a birthday as it seems to finish at midnight!

runninguphills · 22/12/2019 23:56

Mine is in the Summer but I never make a deal of it. I get cards but do say that I don't want gifts. I never take a day off work and generally don't arrange to go out.

It's my choice, I never make a deal out of anyone else's birthday either except say 'happy birthday'. I think that my friends/family accept this - as I still have great relationships with them!

UserName31456789 · 22/12/2019 23:58

Could you not have a family celebration a different day? When DH or I have our birthday on a weekday we always defer to the following weekend - could you do something similar and get spoilt on the 28th?

Gibble1 · 23/12/2019 00:29

DS’s Birthday is 19/12. When he was little we used to wait until they went to bed and then put up the Christmas decorations but leave his birthday cards on the mantel as all of us get our cards up for a week before they go.
One year he asked if we could put the tree up early in Dec and I explained that it would be up for his birthday etc etc, he still wanted it up. A few days after his birthday, as I put him to bed, he asked if next year we could leave the tree til after his birthday again.
We were very lucky and we have amazing family and friends who all are very careful to ensure his birthday presents arrive in birthday paper (I’m end of April and have had Christmas paper before lol) and we all used to ensure that the Christmas presents (which we all used to exchange that day too) were in bags in the hallway and swapped on the way in/out and made no impact on his birthday.
This year he was 16 and has been a complete pita and DH and I have been flat out with life admin and his sisters 18th and only had time to put up the tree early December so we did. I was a bit down as it was up for his birthday but he was at school and we went out for tea so it didn’t impact him.
One year we had our nephew on his birthday from lunchtime til the next day on NYE. Felt a bit sad for him as we had to go and see DH’s family but we took his birthday cake to the IL’s and I seem to recall that my lovely MiL bought him a present too.
We let them all stay up late and played board games, then at midnight we got our wellies and coats on and went out to look at the fireworks. DN said to us “Well, there are ALWAYS fireworks on my birthday” in such a cheery little voice, it melted my stone cold heart.

Holidaycountdown · 23/12/2019 00:34

SIL was yesterday, Mum and Aunt (2 years apart) tomorrow...we had a birthday lunch for 12 with cake/balloons/pressies today, I always try to make Mum’s birthday a separate thing to Xmas if I can. Must’ve been a bit rubbish as a child especially as her younger sister was born on her 2nd birthday!

Megan2018 · 23/12/2019 00:40

I do something low key with DH, usually a meal out somewhere and there is always cake. Then I have a separate birthday meal at a weekend with my parents, brother and SIL, and DH which is usually combined with Mother’s Day as my birthday often coincides and my family live 1.5hrs away. I often take the day off work for my actual birthday.
I get cards and gifts and feel spoilt but not in a showy way.

Some years my birthday is at Easter which is ok as long as not actually Easter Sunday. Fortunately no-one has got me eggs in lieu of a present though!

Next birthday will be my first as a parent though so it may change a bit.

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