to think it's a bit mean spirited for one of DH's colleagues to think they recognise me, point it out to DH, and describe me as someone who's dissing DH on a public forum?

[generallyfairlyunreasonable]

I know, I know - it is a public forum, and I appreciate that I take the risk with people who actually know me recognising me - and that's fine with me - if they know me then fine - it's at my own risk if they recognise me, and I'd expect most people to keep info and their interpretation of it to themselves - but I think it's kind of mean spirited for an MNer to read about me, think that I might be DH's DW, and then suggest to him that I'm posting nasty things about him in his absence which I'm really not (given that (a) he has a bit of a temper and (b) that all I've ever posted about is the way I'm feeling.

I don't know whether or not said person has got it right or wrong, but either way it's caused considerable harm to our relationship.

Is there / should there be some sort of unofficial mumsnet etiquette?

That really sucks, gfu. Does this other MNer work with your DH?

There's only one mumsnetter (to my knowledge, anyway) knows both me and DH independently of mumsnet, and I'm sure she wouldn't dream of doing a thing like that.

that is out of order of them, i9 think there is an mn etiquette. hope you are ok.

cx

Makes you wonder what this person hoped to achieve. Surely she was just stirring up trouble, and is way out of line.
I think if you know someone on here you should just keep the knowledge to yourself, with perhaps the exception being if there was a danger of the person being depressed and thinking of self harm.
This is just the lowest form of gossip.

Not good. Perhaps she fancies him.

Can you show dh what you have written - maybe he is thinking it is worse than it really is? Also does he have drinking buddies/ horrible women he works with that he sounds off too? If so he does the same thing.

Dino - apparently so. I wouldn't really mind if DH figured out who I was (and read this)(obviously have namechanged), but it's a bit different when things are already difficult and then he gets landed with this at work. Not sure what the person involved was thinking, frankly, but am struggling to think of a good motive. It would be OK if they'd said "generallyunreasonable has made a really funny comment, sounds like your DW", and then he'd searched and read the lot, but that's not the way it unfolded. Instead, he's now angry / distressed about how his colleagues may be regarding him - which I can sort of understand. Hopefully colleague will read this and decide that it wasn't such a great idea (frankly, could well have been the straw / camel thing and things are still fairly precarious), But tbh, it put me off posting here for a couple of weeks, which was unfortunate since it was the support here that was helping me dig my way out of a very deep hole.

No, YANBU - this is bang out of order. Loads of us find MN a really good means of support when we need to get something off our chest - and if we are concerned or upset about something that someone has posted on a thread, then we always have the option of posting our feelings on the matter rather than being sneaky and underhand.

You mentioned your DH having a temper. Are you OK?

I am sorry to hear that .

I have been off mn for a few weeks myself so I didn't see your earlier thread. I hope you're okay.

that is out of order IMO.

how does she know him?i could maybe understand if she was a close friend of his and you had been posting nasty,one-sided things,but many MNers post stuff about their oh's annoying them or whatever.my dp says he would rather i rant on here than rant at him.

Totally out of order! What did she hope to achieve? Particularly mean given that she clearly knew you were having difficulties.

Do you know who the mner was who shopped you?

• not at all that sort of temper! But just prone to speaking first, and thinking second (cf me, who thinks for about six weeks and then considers whether to speak - no more healthy). I think most guys would be riled if they thought a workmate had recognised their DP having a "virtual" crisis.

Still, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (or something) - bit sick of the tempering process to be frank.

I agree. Really crap, totally out of order.
I had a similar situation with a relative who knew I was a mumsnetter and was trying to work out who I was so she could see if I said anything about DH or anyone else she knew

No, I don't know who and frankly, I don't care.

Suspect not that difficult to identify by job/nationality/location - and tbh haven't bothered keeping that specially secret!

Can't think of anyone with an axe to grind - and only have DH's report of events - so who knows, could have been well-intentioned.

Mostly just need some friendly messages to restore my faith / confidence / justification in posting, I guess.

Personally if someone I suspected I knew posted stuff on here, common decency and manners would dictate that I wouldn't mention it, to anyone!! To do so, is just plain bloody rude. She's out of order.

It's INCREDIBLY bad mn and rl etiquette imo and the mumsnetter in question should be ashamed of herself imo.

I'd name change in your position and never post identifying details again. I think I could be recognised but I do my best to not post where I live or anything too obvious.

How unfortunate. What on earth did she hope to achieve? And so unprofessional to have this conversation with a work colleague. It is such a personal matter.

The only possibly good motive I can think of is that she wanted to warn you about posting any more on your dh as she'd recognised you. But she could have warned you by sending you a message via the 'contact a mumsnetter' link.

I agree that it's best to change your nickname. And don't forget to change your password, if it's one that's very linked to you.

I hope you and your dh make it up.