Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Gaslighting': One of the most overused phrases on MN

38 replies

SpicyRibs · 20/12/2019 21:21

'Gaslighting'

I'm seeing this phrase used more and and more regularly on MN. This is typically (as expected) in the Relationship section, often describing the (bad) behaviour of the 'D' H or P.

No doubt gaslighting exists as a recognised phenomenon ("to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity"). However, I think this term is being banded around too freely in situations where there seems to be no evidence to suggest anything of the sort.

Through it's overuse, imvho I think it takes away from those genuine situations where someone is truly experiencing this terrible form emotional abuse.

Dare I say it appears the most fashionable (for want of a better word) term to use of late.

AIBU to think this is one of the most overused phrases on MN?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 20/12/2019 22:43

You're missing the point of the thread. No one's denying it exists

BlackCatSleeping · 20/12/2019 23:20

Yes, but you are putting doubt in the minds of women in abusive relationships that maybe what they are experiencing isn’t gaslighting, maybe it isn’t abuse. One of the main reasons women don’t speak out about being abused is because they are scared that people won’t believe them. They are scared that what they are going through will be minimized and excused by the people around them. Oh, I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose, maybe he just misunderstood. Maybe he misremembered. Maybe you made a mistake. I heard it all when I was in my relationship. All the doubts. What I really needed was for that one person to say of course he knows what he’s doing. Of course it’s abuse. Of course he shouldn’t treat you like that.

I know a lot of people sneer about the LTB brigade on MN, but I for one am eternally grateful to them. They really do help so many women see the truth in their relationships.

LunchBoxPolice · 20/12/2019 23:23

“Mental load” is a close second in most overused phrases here.

CalleighDoodle · 20/12/2019 23:25

You really are being unreasonable and very, very naive.

Scarsthelot · 21/12/2019 04:42

No one is saying it doesnt happen.

And no, saying it's over used, isnt denting ir happens or denying abuse.

What we are saying is that people have started throwing it around when when someone disagrees with them or has a different perspective. Using terms that relate to abuse, when it's not appropriate does nothing help anyone being abused at all.

Pinkbonbon · 21/12/2019 04:51

Yes it is overused, but so? I'm glad as it means more people will google it and be aware of it. Same for NPD.

What i don't like is the fact that the two words are not used in conjunction. Disorderd people use gaslighting as an ongoing and systematic form of abuse. Neurotypical people don't gaslight.

But there are a lot of cluster b's out there so I'm glad the terms are being used, even if not in the right context. So that people can recognise them faster.

As long as I don't have to hear 'limerence' again. Cringe.

echt · 21/12/2019 04:57

OP, YABU for posting this here, when Relationships is where it apparently goes on. Possibly better posting this on one the threads where you think someone is playing fast and loose with the nomenclature. Hmm

And sn. Where anyone behaving like an arse probably had sn. As though nt people are all wonderful and being a knob is a symptom of neuro diversity. More ridiculous because the posters suggesting it seem to think they are right on and inclusive when they're just being fucking insulting to those with sn

What used to happen on MN, though less so now, was that X poster would describe the unusual behaviour of Y and within a few posts would be bombarded by posters saying haven't you consider that X might have an SN? you ignoramus/ thoughtless, etc.etc. So now some posters head this off at the pass by mentioning SN as a possibility. Then they get lambasted for doing so.

OneDay10 · 21/12/2019 05:11

Yes anxiety is another one- always self diagnosed though.
Seems like everyone has it these days.

WatchingTheMoon · 21/12/2019 05:15

I think there are a lot more abusive, messed up people out there than people would like to admit.

choli · 21/12/2019 05:22

Magical Christmas/Christmas magic is vomit inducingly overused on MN at this time of year.

Juliette20 · 21/12/2019 05:24

It’s like everything has to have a label. It cannot simply be because the person isn’t a nice person

People aren't as simple as being good/bad/lazy/hard-working. Nice/not nice is just another simplistic label.

PhilCornwall1 · 21/12/2019 07:19

I've read three threads this morning where the same poster has replied saying the person is "trauma bonding". I guess they were bored yesterday and decided to google a new phrase.

It's never possible for someone to just be a complete twat on MN, they always have to be diagnosed with something.

NameChangeNugget · 21/12/2019 07:39

Life admin gets my goat. Such a non event

New posts on this thread. Refresh page