Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


AIBU to ask you this question if you're divorced?

4 replies

boxingdaymadness · 20/12/2019 21:09

If you’re someone who’s never had a good relationship with your in laws, and you’re now divorced, how do you deal with your children’s birthdays? Do you still invite them? Ex doesn’t really have a relationship with his two sisters, one is NC with MIL and the other lives 20 mins away and they only see each other once or twice a year. Dad died when he was young, and he only has his mum. They have a weird codependent relationship, she has no life other than him and he does have a life, but his mum comes first sort of speak. If I knew what his family was like, I’d never have married him. We met and married fairly quickly, I hate that this dysfunctional family is what my children will call family.

We split earlier this year, he moved out and couple months later it was DS birthday. He asked if his mother could come round to see DS, I reluctantly said yes. She came, I sat in my bedroom I don’t want to do that again in my own bloody house! I don’t know if anyone remembers my thread, but I was just advised to grit my teeth and let her come round. The thought of seeing her fills me with dread, I hate this woman with a passion.

But I just want to hear what everyone does in a situation like this, if you didn’t get on with your MIL and now divorced, do you still see her at family events? Invite her to your Dcs birthdays? How do you deal with that?

OP posts:

AuntieMarys · 20/12/2019 21:12

I never invited inlaws to the dcs birthdays. Luckily they lived 100 miles away.


TheBusDriver · 20/12/2019 21:24

Remember it's about the children and not you


Welshmaenad · 20/12/2019 21:56

Mine live hundreds of miles away and only ever saw the DC a few times a year when we were together.

I am NC with them and all contact between them and the DC happens when they are with ex for contact. I don't really anticipate seeing them again unless one or both of the DC get married, if they're still around at that point.


Ellisandra · 20/12/2019 22:14

Why didn’t she see your son in your ex’s house? That’s the answer here - the responsibility lies with the blood relative to maintain relationships. Which isn’t to say that the other parent can’t - I’m divorced 10 years and yesterday took ex’s stepdad to a panto... Confused. But the actual responsibility lies with his dad. Why can’t he just take him over to his grandmother for a birthday tea, either on his birthday or near day, depending on contact days that week?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?