Hypothetical work related

[outherealone]

Question:

What would you do if you had to choose from two job offers.
Background, I am single mum with disabilities. I struggle with fatigue and mobility as well as some cognitive stuff.

Job 1.
Much more money than current job, considerable distance from home,
tricky journey which adds time to my working day and means a struggle to collect kids in time from childcare.
job needs commitment to office hours and doesn’t offer much flexibility.
Environment is very much set up for people with disabilities and very understanding and supportive.
I have all the experience required to do the job.

Job 2.
Less money than current role.
Very close to home, straightforward journey.
Would cut an hour off my current day and give more time to me and the kids.
Environment is warm and welcoming but the physical set up is not great and very much in need of upgrade.
I have perfect experience for the role, background fits but there’s aspects of the job I have limited / no experience in.
Very flexible and supportive of the needs of parents in terms of time out for kids and flexibile working.

Please vote

Aibu: job 1

Yanbu: job 2

Thank you

I think if you're exhausted by your current commute then job 1 is going to be too stressful as it's even further away. Unless like someone else said, there's the option of moving closer?

If you currently struggle with your commute, is job one actually realistic for you long term? No point in three big salary if it's killing you to earn it and you've no time or energy to enjoy it

definitely job 2. You will have more benefits, more stability, opportunity for progression, better pension, better work-life balance in the public sector.

Charity work is much less stable. Yes its a better salary but I know lots of people made redundant from the charity sector.

Why put yourself through extra stress through the commuting distance, on top of your existing disabilities?

It would work out good for you and your family in terms of commute, flexibility, less travel expenses and more job security.

Go for job 2.

you don't give the option of staying in current role?

I'd take the shorter commute every time - and that's with no school age children to worry about.
If an impact of your disability is fatigue, the lack of commuting time must become even more of a consideration.
LA (I presume) is larger than charity - maybe opportunities for promotion in the future.

OP go with job 1. The extra money will give you so many options to make life easier. It will allow you to buy in extra help.

For example you get someone to pick up the kids from school, bring them home, do homework and cook a simple meal every day. I hire a uni student to do this for me. Which mean when I come home the house is clean and food is ready. So I can spend time with the kids.

You can get a cleaner once a week too. The additional income has the ability to make your life so much easier, don't lose it!

Work life balance is priceless. Your children won't be young for long, so while you can, grab as much chance to spend time with them as you can. Money is not everything. Also, might option 2 improve their accessibility in the future (could you even help them do it in an advisory capacity?)

Could you move closer to job 1, if you cut the commute that way how would you feel about it?

I really can’t move. I’m a single mum with a mortgage, v complicated but I currently don’t qualify for a mortgage in my own name if I tried to move again. Money is a pretty big factor in my life (as it is with most people!)
Sorry not meaning to drip feed, money is hugely important to all of us

Sounds like Job 1 is better suited to you and only problem is the commute - would you be able to afford a childminder to pick up kids and make them tea / dinner so when you got home it's 1. Not manic and 2. Don't have to worry about picking them up : if you could just get someone to do an hour after childcare to set them up at home?

I think the deal breaker is not being able to collect from child care on time potentially with job 1. That’s not doable. Does the salary afford you flexible childcare options like a part time nanny?

Well paid jobs can end up being much more demanding than they sell it. You may feel you have to give your pound of flesh due to the pay. Then your stuck and likely to get unwell with the stress.

That said, for job 1 - do they have flexible working? Can you work on the commute? Can you work from home?

Job 2

Hmm thanks all for ideas, I have never considered having someone collect the kids and do teA, wonder how easy that would be to sort? They’re desperate for me to take the close to home job of course, bless them

Job 1 will be better for you but over time you would get exhausted from the commute and extra work. It's not worth the money. Job 2 if government should be able to make the required changes to make the workplace how you need?

I had 2 hour simple commute each way at one point and had to give up the job, it was too much and I have no disabilities. The time was more valuable than the money, esp with kids.

Also you may not find you are your best self if the commute makes you constantly stressed. Assuming you are still stable financially with job 2

There are websites like care.com to find part time nannies. That's what I used. And the nice thing about it is the kids don't feel like they are in childcare for a long time as they are at home, chilling with their toys.

I have also used gumtree and childcare.co.uk in the past. It's worth checking what is the availability in your area.

It costs me the same as having 2 kids in after school club.

WOuld job 2 up their offer to approx similar less the costs of commute , your time commuting and the cost of employing a school pick up and tea person, given job 1 have offered you so much more ?

I’m a single parent and my commute was 30 minutes each way. Two years ago I dropped 24 minutes off my working day because I simply couldn’t handle the school run, commuting, full day at work, getting home later, then cooking tea and getting her into bath and bed before the 7pm time she needed. Mentally it killed me as I was full on from the minute i opened my eyes to the minute she went to sleep and beyond with washing, housework etc. I took the hit money wise because I was going to end up burnt out. Although the money would have been fab, life needs to be easier not harder whilst they are little. It’s not forever so choose to suit your current or near future circumstances

@penneee that’s exactly how life is for me right now and with my condition cooking dinner is a rarity, packet food or a sandwich most nights for those poor kids

@Ariela they’ve literally told me today the offer is the top and there’s nothing else other than incremental rises as they happen. There’s no progression salary wise in that role

@JellyBellies very interesting thank you I will investigate further

I’m going to try and practice the commute tomorrow and see how it goes I was too nervous before interview to assess it properly

If you will be cutting it fine to collect kids then that would rule Job 1 out for me unless you have someone who could collect them for you. At our after school club it would cost me a fortune if I was late, even just a couple of minutes cost something like £10 per child extra (and if it was regular then they would terminate the contract). Remember that rush hour traffic can add a lot to journey time if you are trying the commute during the day. Depending on the role you can't always get away exactly on time either plus it always takes longer then you think to pack up, get coat on, nip to the toilet then get to car/bus stop. Good luck - it's a tough decision but I think I would go for the less stressful role rather than the money. Kids grow up so quickly, spend time with them while you can.

I love mumsnet women
All my real life conversations have been take the money take the money!

There is something to be said for an afternoon nanny/housekeeper who can collect the kids, and cook your tea as well as theirs, I wonder if there is anyone able to help with that?

Because of tax credit they must be ofsted rated but I love this idea!

Hi, have you also looked at Access to work? It enables funding to bring your potential /workplace up to the necessary levels for you accessibility wise. I'm a disabled mum of 3 and I'm a full time wheelchair user (paralysed from the chest down with widespread multiple daily joint dislocations, pain, fatigue) & after u could no longer work as a CCU nurse i worked/volunteered with an independent living charity.. So I've seen Access to work in play in various settings /people. Just wanted to mention it.
I'm lining to scopes page as theirs seems fairly straight fwd in explaining ATW & in a way that's easy for a quick perusal. I hope this helps and good luck!
www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/access-to-work-grant-scheme/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA6IHwBRCJARIsALNjViXCREjOuj9D95n9GbhgVQMFO2eOQcFdla8CqGD_n2FOkqe9l2Qmn5UaAhzKEALw_wcB