If a family member always sends gifts for your child...

[SinkGirl]

Is it not completely unreasonable to never reciprocate? It’s getting to the point I find it quite hurtful.

SIL has a DD who’s about three years older than our twins. When her DD was born we took gifts and have sent something for every Christmas and birthday. A few times I’ve made things for her (good quality, expensive things - I used to make these things and sell a lot of them so they’re not crappy).

When the twins were born I think she sent a gift but there’s been literally no acknowledgement of their birthday or Christmas ever since (they’re now 3) - on occasion they have sent a Christmas card.

DH decided not to send a gift for her birthday this year as he was fed up with it but I told him that’s out of order since it’s not DN’s fault and I don’t want her to think we don’t care. We’ve sent her something for Christmas.

I just don’t understand the mentality of it - I would feel awful if a relative always sent something for my kids and I never reciprocated.

We’ve had a really tough 18 months with both twins being diagnosed with ASD and one with multiple other disabilities - SIL hasn’t acknowledged it at all, no support or asking how we are doing. We do live several hours apart so don’t see each other often, but still.

AIBU to think this is just really rude and you don’t just ignore your nephews at Christmas and birthdays, especially when your own child always gets something from their aunt and uncle? I appreciate that they don’t understand what birthdays and Christmas are, but it still feels really unpleasant.

It’s not about money - they have plenty of it. Even a card would be something. I just don’t understand it, I couldn’t be like this.

Thanks all. I’m not losing sleep over it or anything - mainly I feel sad for my boys, they don’t have much family and it’s sad that some of those they do have don’t really think about them (my own brother is much the same but he doesn’t have kids or any interest in kids either so it’s a different issue). Of course I’m projecting as they have no concept of any of this.

I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want gifts, is concerned about the environmental impact or anything like that. I’ve thought about those things of course but it doesn’t add up. I think she just can’t be arsed. She talks a good game about being close, the kids being close etc. We haven’t been up to visit as we can’t manage such a long journey in the car with the twins so we don’t see each other as much as we’d like.

I’m not going to stop sending gifts to DN - they’re for her, not her mum, and it just feels petty and mean.

It’s not a huge deal, I just can’t really understand the mentality of it.