To not understand the angst about Christmas Day when we know it occurs every December

[TheOliphantintheRoom]

We've had 12 months to prepare for it. On line shopping for gifts and food makes it a breeze.

We don't have to wrap every present. Or any of them. Or send Xmas cards.

If you don't have the culinary skills to cook a Christmas roast (or like me, can't be bothered) then delegate it to someone who enjoys it or to M&S.

Say no to social occasions we don't fancy.

Pin a bit of tinsel on any old jumper for Xmas jumper day.

Don't bother about making memories with special experiences - the kids won't remember them.

Some people have genuine reasons to be stressed at Xmas - lack of money, loss of loved ones, illness. If you're not one of them then don't be an Xmas drama llama.

Love from Aunty Oliphant

I think a lot of posters are missing OPs point actually. She’s not saying “bah humbug” rather pointing out that people get very stressed about the minor details and it’s often really not necessary.

There are loads of threads every year from posters fretting about their canapés and side dishes or frantically rushing to the shops from work for Christmas jumpers or worrying that they’re not making it all special enough for the dc. I agree with OP - Christmas really doesn’t have to be a big stress fest!

The "special experiences" I'm saying not to bother about if they cause you stress are stuff like breakfast with Santa ...

And my DD isn't "poor DC" she's a lucky girl who adores Xmas cos she doesn't have a stressed out mum. Give it a go next year.

I agree. My mum would always get so stressed about cleaning before Christmas, in order to give herself a couple of days 'off' from being a housewife.

She also hated cooking, and made it quite clear that we ate early to get it out of the way.

My favourite memory is playing board games with the family.

I don't stress about Christmas. I do book food delivery as early as possible, and buy all presents on line. If something is missing we just do without. Spending time with my family is what's important. And although I have had the need for the house to be perfect so deeply entrenched, I try to ignore it.

Think you are right and there is no correlation between the stress some people end under and the enjoyment everyone gets at Christmas

But I think some people just find it much harder than others to ignore the external pressures and implied expectations. They internalise them.

So while some people can say "it's just a roast dinner for friends and family " and have the self confidence to know that it will be well tasty and they will be loved by their friends and family no matter what,

other people are trying to make it "extra special" and. "The best Christmas ever" with all the trimmings , making sure everyone has their favourite things, using posh recipies and hard to obtain ingredients all cooked to perfection to "show how much they care" because they have been told , and believe , that's how you show how much you care.

FWIW to the stressers, some of our best family memories are the times when things went wrong, because that's when people pull together and support you, or you are spending it with the wrong people

"Some people have genuine reasons to be stressed at Xmas - lack of money, loss of loved ones, illness"

I totally agree with OP. Those saying she is BU, or superior perhaps should try and put themselves in the shoes of people in these circumstances.

The sheer amount of stressed angsty threads/posts re Christmas for what are really very minor issues (I saw someone complaining the other day her DH bought the wrong gift tags ) is eye watering. Seriously, there are so many.

Yes, there are certain things which are important at Christmas and they're not fucking gift tags! Family being together, healthy and happy is paramount, and if this doesn't happen then that's stressful and upsetting, and half of this is because you can't control these things at all.

(A lot of it is also not Christmas stress, it's DHs being knobs generally - my DH doesn't help, he won't cook Christmas dinner, he doesn't think about presents for the DC - your DH is a dick basically and that's 364 days a year, you just notice it more at Christmas. So don't blame Christmas, just don't put up with it generally).

Don't bother about making memories with special experiences - the kids won't remember them

This isn't true in my experience - I have loads of special memories of Christmas from my childhood and really cherish them to this day (I'm now mid-30s). I want my kids to experience the same!

Must be great to be SO perfect

I agree with the OP. The expectations of Christmas have gone so over the top and I think Scrooge had an unfair bad press, and some of us are our own worst enemies when it comes to Christmas. If Christmas was indeed originally invented to brighten up winter (as many threads remind us frequently, and the birth of Christ was irrelevant), it's now having the opposite effect for many people: on December 26th, there is then a huge emotional crash for some people, that it's all over, and there's still dreary January to get through.

I think it's time for "less is more", and then we might enjoy Christmas more. We could all do without:

• The hype beginning in August: there are only twelve days of Christmas, and none of them are before December 25th.
• The Elf nonsense.
• The "have you been good for Santa?" nonsense.
• The Christmas card mountain.
• The parental "devastation" when kids stop believing in Santa.
• The expectation to eat, eat and eat. "But I made all these mince pies!"
• The disappointment at the lack of snow on Christmas Day. (In any case, if it did snow, everything would be ten times more stressful, as this country handles snow so badly!)

Of course children will remember special experiences forever, they will also remember the smaller traditions that were free or cost very little. It doesn’t have to be extortionate consumerist experiences like overpriced Santa’s grottos but making no effort at all definitely will be remembered. Trust me, I remember how crappy my childhood Christmases were which is why I try really hard to make my DC’s Christmas so great.

Prioritising what is important is a valid point. Some things really aren't worth getting in a tizz over.

However it's a time of year where things are busy, and people aren't feeling their best on top. I'm settling down now, but a week ago, my plans were going awry from having an ill child plus not feeling my best either. We have other family events on within the week before Christmas so that is extra organisation to deal with, and its a relief to get that done and only have Christmas to finish of preparing.

Is that you Morrissey?

I kind of agree

I start buying 6 months early and I'm 95% done by December (obviously not food and little extras) I honestly couldn't leave it til December to do things and I save a fortune as a result of shopping early.

Santa doesn't wrap gifts, he leaves them set up ready to play with and only family wrap gifts.

Christmas dinner is mostly pre-preped food that just needs sticking in the over/microwave, who has time to slave in the kitchen.

I'm currently a SAHM I dont have occasions to go to but I honestly cant see how they are a bad thing, go to the party and have fun thats what parties are for.

I've never owned a Xmas jumper, is that really a thing?

I disagree with the memories one though.

I dont even fully get the lack of money one, it cost what you want it to no matter if thats £20 or £2000 (most memories can even be done for free, if you dont do the consumerism of buying gifts) you can do Xmas so cheap with basic planning so I dont get the 'cant afford it'.

The Christmas experiences are about the only thing I enjoy. Even if they don't remember it years later (but they will)

@JaJoJe. For someone who writes so eloquently, I expect you are intelligent and well educated. However, you have a surprising lack of imagination for how tough some peoples lives actually are.

OP you're being really condescending. I don't stress about Christmas. I give my kids nice experiences and have fun but that's because at present there's nothing stressful in my life. We have enough money, no major family disagreements or particularly difficult characters, nobody drinks too much, no health worries. If you're in the same position you should probably count your lucky starts rather than patronising people who have more to deal with.

mammylamb - I know plenty of people have awful situations, I have read threads from a woman in a domestic violence situation thats too scared to leave, a women who lost her child in December (possibly the worst thing that could happen to someone, and something no one should ever face) and lots of people dealing with terminally ill family members (myself included).

I live well below the poverty line in the poorest area of the country so I have no idea where you got that I don't understand.

OP's point and my point where not linked to any of that though, how is saying dont buy into commercialism and spend money you dont have and dont kill yourself worrying about others opinions 'not understanding'?

OP you're being really condescending.

I'm really not. You're being obtuse. I've acknowledged that some people have genuine reasons to be stressed at Xmas - this thread isn't about them.

Re: special experiences. I'm not talking about baking Xmas goodies, putting a carrot out for Rudolph, making a Xmas bauble for Aunty Pat. Those are indeed lovely and what will be remembered in future Xmases. But they don't need to induce stress - we don't need to tie ourselves in knots making Xmas magical. The magic just happens!

@TheOliphantintheRoom

I think you're creating drama where there is none. I know almost no one who gets really stressed about the Christmas elf or the perfect Santa's grotto or anything minor like that. The people who do get stressed about those things are people who spend all year stressing about minor stuff. Most people just get on with Christmas and don't make a huge deal of it.

Most people just get on with Christmas and don't make a huge deal of it

New around here @ThreeAnkleBiters?

The magic just happens! Ho ho ho

I actually agree with PP. Most people get on with it - there'll be minor disagreements about wear to have Christmas dinner but that's natural when big families get together. I hear more people moaning about how OTT xmas is than I ever hear people worrying about their Christmas elf.

I agree.

Some people really do make it in to such a drama of a day, especially on here.

Hear hear OP.

I have only been on MN a couple of years but I am absolutely astounded by the unnecessary lengths people will go to in order to conform to some sort of invented magical perfection.