Name changed for this.
I need some help. I know I can be overly sensitive but I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable or not. I was going to write this months ago but then I thought it’s not worth it, I’m just being stupid. But then something else happened and then just wasn’t sure. I’m sorry this will be a very long one.
Basically, my close cousin died very unexpectedly in the summer. I have a snap chat streak with a friend and I only do it because of them. I don’t see the point of it but I do it anyway to please her. Anyway when he died I didn’t bother snapping her back. To me it just seemed ridiculous to be sending snaps just for a streak when someone has died. Tbh most things I couldn’t see the point of. When it happened I didn’t open or send any snaps. My friend messaged me and called me because she thought that was odd. I didn’t bother opening her messages.
She was currently on holiday in Dubai which she goes every year. She asked another friend to give me a call. Still no reply from me. Eventually after 4 days I replied on group chat to say I’m sorry for not replying my cousin has died. I opened my messages and snaps from my friends. They were mostly things saying “where are you” , “I’m worried” “is everything ok” etc. He died on Sunday and I messaged them on the group chat on the Wednesday evening. I didn’t say when he died. My two friends both said we’re here if u need to talk etc. The next day (Thursday) I messaged them about what happened and how he supposedly died.
Now the thing is on the Friday my friend is still sending me snaps. Mostly of herself on holiday having fun, out with family, going out to eat and watching the new BTS movie. I was shocked. Why would you send pics and videos to someone who’s close relative has died of you enjoying yourself. She didn’t just send me the snaps she also put it on her Snapchat story. I just didn’t understand it and thought it was insensitive. No way would I be doing that. For example if her brother had died. Would i be sending her pictures of my nice food in a restaurant or me having fun? I thought it was just awful. And 100% there would be no way on earth I would even do that. She chose to send me the snaps and she chose to put it on her story. I was going to say something but I bit my tongue.
I thought If I said something I was worried it would get turned round on me. Because you could argue that I shouldn’t have been looking and opening her snaps anyway and that it was my fault. And that I should’ve continued not to open them. But if someone is sending it to you, doesn’t it say more about them? As I said would never in a million years have done it to anyone. But I just left it cos I didn’t want to cause any argument. Also it could be argued that she was sending the same snaps to all her friends so she didn’t realise. But hand on heart if that was me I would make sure I wouldn’t have sent anything. Also with Snapchat stories you can block people from viewing them. I just don’t understand it as I cannot imagine myself taking all these pics and purposely uploading them for that friend to see knowing what a terrible time they’re going through.
Anyway, as I said I left it but It was always in the back of my mind. However recently I been chatting with my friends on group chat. We were all joking around and they were pretending that same friend is getting married and that I needed to get my Asian clothes ready for her wedding. I said I don’t have any Asian clothes and my friend said yes you do what about the pink one. Now the “pink one” was what I wore to my cousins (who died) wedding. Again I was shocked and said “but that was the one I wore to my cousins who died wedding. Unless u want to me wear it I can 😂” I was upset that she suggested this. But the reason for the comment “unless u want me to wear it I can 😂” was so that it didn’t make it seem I was upset, especially that’s why I added the emoji.
Now I was wary of the reply. Id have hoped she would’ve said sorry I didn’t realise or didn’t mean to. But deep down knew that she wouldn’t say sorry for the comment. So I Purposely, didn’t read it until the next day. I was putting it off because I was worried she’d disregard the comment and say something like “oh maybe not” or “whoops haha” or even”I don’t mind”. I was preparing myself for an insensitive comment back and was telling myself not to get worked up about it. As I said I can get upset about the littlest things. However, I was secretly hoping that that she’d said sorry. I would’ve been honestly “oh dw haha that’s ok”.
But this morning when I opened it, her response was “😳what did the poor dress do”. I couldn’t believe it, and especially that use of emoji as well . Perhaps I shouldn’t have added the other comment and just left it as “but it was dress I wore to my cousins that died” . Then I don’t think she’d have made that comment. I mean you’d have to say sorry if someone said that wouldn’t you! What surprised me was the fact she even remembered I had a pink outfit. She has terrible memory at times. And my cousins wedding was 4 years ago! I think I must’ve been talking about it all the time and I remember sending a pic of the outfit material on group chats. I never go to weddings so it was an exciting time. So I found it upsetting she’d even suggest that. I mean she could’ve thought it was different cousin that died or only remembered the outfit forgetting I wore it to my cousins wedding maybe? But nevertheless, she should’ve said sorry after I mentioned that I wore it to my dead cousins wedding!
So am I right to be upset?