Should I have done/said something?

[TheMoors]

I'll try and be concise; on my morning run route is a bus stop and there this morning, a mother seemed to be wrestling with her daughter, I think trying to get a coat on her.

The mum shouted (I mean, top of voice, shrill-shouting) in the little girl's face 'you're a fucking bitch' and 'do as you are fucking told' and shook her shoulders, before quite roughly shoving her daughter back in the pram as she was leaning/wriggling forward. The little one was only around 3, the wee thing just cried and said 'mum, don't want to.'

I'm ashamed to say I didn't say or do anything. What would you have done or said? What was the right thing to do? I feel such guilt at doing nothing and I can't stop thinking about it.

I think I’d have approached it in a “can I help, you seem a bit stressed” way. Possibly jovial tone - lighten the mood.

That's horrendous behaviour towards her child!

Unfortunately, you saying something in that moment won't make a difference to how her mother speaks to her the rest of the time. If she's spoken to her like that in public, it may be that she speaks to her that way all of the time.

I'm sure views will be split here about whether you should have intervened or not. I suppose it's none of your business but I would have felt the exact same way as you do!

If this is an ongoing issue with the child putting on a coat then she may of said those things in anger and frustration. I wouldn't of intervened.

I would have said something along the lines of 'they can be so difficult when they won't put their coat on, can I help at all?' and offered to hold the buggy still or something

I’d have asked if she needed help. No point feeling guilty now

I am not sure what I'd have done. Frustrated or not yorkshiregodscountry, shouting into a child's face that they are a bitch is abusive. Whether or not it is a one off or not, it was not acceptable.

I've read this now and too late not to read, and OP, am not having a go at you or anyhting but please can posters posting about possible child abuse please put a Trigger warning on it? I know I prob sound like a snowflake but am an abuse survivor and I try and avoid these posts as much as I can if I knowthey going to be about abuse. Am ok right now (sort of) but if I had read this on a bad day I might have had my CPTSD triggered. Thanks. Am sorry if I sound a bit pathetic saying this.

yorkshiregodscountry my GD is terrible when putting her coat on and her shoes and actually sometimes any clothes at all, but neither I nor my DD have ever considered shouting and swearing in her face, as frustrating and annoying as it is. This is not normal behaviour and ai am not surprised you were upset OP. I'm not sure what you could have done though other than maybe offer to help.

I see why it felt awful to do nothing, but realistically no one who behaves like that is going to have a road to Damascus moment and change their ways just because you stood up for their daughter.

I think sadly the more likely outcome of you having said anything is a) you getting a mouthful back or possibly violence b) the child getting something much worse in private because of her Mother taking a 'you embarrassed me' stance.

@furrymulesandPJs I've asked MN to add a warning

I didn't even think of offering to help, she had someone else with her (a friend, or maybe sister I assume) but I still absolutely could have still offered. I'm not a mum so I don't know offering to help with someone else's DC is acceptable (I'd always assumed not, apart from "I'll get that door for you" sort of assistance), so that's really helpful to know. Thanks for the replies.

If she’s happy to do that in public god knows how angry she is behind closed doors, that’s brazen

I wouldn’t have known what to do either OP, I’ve had to wrestle my DS into a pram physically (as he lashed out violently due to asd) but I would never dream of shouting or saying those things... just horrible

I’d have been tempted to take a photo of her on the sly but without a name to report what can you do

Hmmm

Why do people say offer to help, help with what? Putting a childs coat on? . That would make someone really defensive and make things worse. Its not like helping someone on to the bus

You saw something horrible in a snap shot of someone’s life. Watch the news, do something to help others if you want, there are charity’s crying out for help. I don’t want appear to be cold hearted but you say yourself you have no children, so how do you know what is going in people’s life? You don’t. I’m not condoning it however context is everything.

I wouldn't have done anything to be honest. Shes not going to say, thanks for the help and oh I've suddenly realised its not acceptable to speak to my child like that, I'm going to be a better parent going forward. Abusive people blame their victim - shed probably act even worse to the child later on for 'embarrassing her' eg 'see you're so awful that strangers have to come and speak to me about you' type thing.

If she had been in her garden or something and you knew where she lived then I'd report to SS

Why would you offer to help someone calling their three year old a fucking bitch?! I'd have said "you really can't talk to a child like that. I know you're stressed but you really can't" but then I'm not known for biting my tongue.