AIBU to think she should just take the hint and fuck off?

[Asdaortescos]

Ex and I separated two months ago, everything’s still raw and I’m trying to come to terms with it. Not that many people know, just our immediate family and we still care about each other, everything’s just all over the place and who knows if we will reconcile.

Anyway on my way to buy a few things in Asda before dropping DS off at nursery, I meet this mum from the school, we’re not friends friends but we do speak and she lives on the same road as me.

Conversation went as follows...

Her: Hi Asdaortescos, how are you?
Me: I’m good thanks, how are you?
Her: I’m fine thanks, are you sure you’re ok?
Me: Yes why?
Her: I don’t really see Ex anymore? Is he ok? Is everything ok with you guys?
Me: Yes, he’s just really busy with work and gym
Her: I always see him come from x road, does he live there now?
Me: no, he’s just really busy with work tbh nothing to worry about.
Her: Are you sure? You’d think he had another secret family laughs. I’ve also seen him on x coffee shop, he was just sat there looking down. Are you sure he’s ok? I saw him on x train station and he didn’t say hi, are you sure he’s ok?

The thing is, it’s true he does live there now. We just need space so he’s moved out, and I just wanted her to leave me alone. I’m not ready to talk about it. AIBU to think she should just let it go and take the hint? Or am I being sensitive?

Sometimes you just have to walk run away with a frantic "Oh, look at the time!! I'm going to be so late!!!".

Or when someone starts getting nosy tilt your head as if it's odd they're asking and say " XXX is fine. Why do you ask?". Turn the tables on them.

Above all, remember that NO ONE has to answer ANY question if they don't want to. It's not rude to avoid answering a personal question, the rude thing is someone asking it in the first place.

From the first lot of questions/comments I suspect she thinks he's having an affair and you might not now. Follow ups sound pushy though.

*know

She is dirt digging for gossip. Try and give her a wide berth if you can.

She sounds like a nosy cow. I would be tempted to ask her if she's OK because it sounds like she has spent the last few weeks doing nothing but peering out of her window spying on her neighbours.

Look her in the eye next time and state loud and clear "Back. Off."

You owe her nothing more than that, not even that, her life is not your business.

Ffs that is just so rude. And it is not out of concern, she wants gossip. Horrible woman.

Practice responding to her rather than cutting her off. 'Why do you keep asking the same questions? I've already answered you. Stop asking me the same question over and over.' No 'sorry' or evasiveness.

A while ago I was asking my neighbour whether she was still planning to sell her house as it had been on the market and she said back to me ' I don't want to talk about that now'. Why can't you just say that? It's non of her business.

I agree with bridgetreilly

She is either well meaning and has information that she can’t share with you but is making her concerned about you. Or she is nosey digging for gossip.

You would know which is true based on history with her..

I had a similar situation recently. And I feel like a right nosey cow.

Someone divorced their partner and I knew both of them but not much the wife. However I was quite surprised that the husband told my DH that he is looking to date and was discussing personal plans with him and was interested in one of my friends which made me concerned for the children and the ex wife. Divorce only took place a month before and my DH asked me if I could arrange a casual way for him to bump into my friend and date her and I felt huge guilt and said I didn’t feel capable of doing that so early into the divorce.

The ex and the kids know nothing about this. according to the father his kids and wife has moved on already and so be didn’t need to worry about them. But I found that hard to believe due to the short time lapse and health condition of the ex wife. The friend he was interested in has a lifestyle that completely would clash with him being able to parent his children fairly and would mean he lives very far from them.. but according to him that wasn’t a problem.

I happened to bump into one of his kids (teens) and I couldn’t help myself but ask a very nosey question about her parents - despite feeling so horrible.. I regretted it after. It was the pressure of not knowing whether I’m doing the right thing by declining to help and completely concerned for the ex wife and kids..

I just asked casually how her mother was and when conversations went on I asked leading questions until she slipped and I then outright let her know that I know her parents are divorced.. hoping she would say something about it. And I was right, I felt horrible, and the divorce is messy enough for the kids to be sensitive about it and looked miserable about to cry and didn’t want to discuss it.

I feel like a cow. But deep down this is what I needed to insist on DH that he should tell his friend to man up and be a good dad and stop looking out for his own interest.

It is my business because he has involved me and DH, before anyone says.

Having said that it took one expression of discomfort from her for me to back off and feel like a cow and regret it for few hours.

So you’re friend does sound like she lacks empathy And is tactless . The motive behind her question however is unclear and could be anything.

She may just not have learnt social cues. Not everyone manages to pick up on hints.

And this makes it ok because ...............? It’s about bloody time she learned then isn’t it?

@Asdaortescos

As a load of others have said, she is a nosey cow who is looking for gossip. I would avoid her like the plague. I think we ALL know someone like this!

'Stop asking me the same question. It's rude and intrusive' There.