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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's wrong with me?

16 replies

LostBacon · 19/12/2019 14:30

Posting for traffic as I know my thinking is unreasonable.

I don't like sharing news with anyone I am close to about anything. Be it personal, work related or otherwise. I hate it.

Two glaring examples

When I got engaged I didn't want to tell anyone or talk about it I was thrilled and we are now happily married but I just didn't want to share it.

When I fell pregnant, I don't want to tell anyone I am so excited I am pregnant but I don't want to share it with anyone other than my husband.

I don't want peoples opinions on my big life decisions I don't want advice I don't want to answer questions about my wedding/ pregnancy whatever...

My parents are really kind and supportive but I don't even like telling them anything.

I am fine talking practically with health care professionals or my line manager if nessassary I just feel so uncomfortable sharing good news with friends and family.

What is wrong with me? Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2019 14:34

I do to a certain degree, probably much more than most. I'm just not interested in sharing personal details about my life. I tell my husband everything, but as for anyone else, they get very limited information. There's not a thing wrong with you. You have every right to live your way that makes you the most comfortable. You're not hurting anyone by being private.

NoSauce · 19/12/2019 14:37

What happens when people find out about big things like weddings and babies? What do you do then?

Baileyscheesecake · 19/12/2019 14:39

Nothing wrong with you. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. We’re all different. Is anyone putting pressure on you to be otherwise? If so just explain to them calmly that it’s your choice whether to share personal details and you’ll do it in your own good time or even not at all. I assume your parents understand this about you but if they don’t maybe it’s time to explain to them how you feel about this.

Yummymummy2020 · 19/12/2019 14:45

Nope I’m exactly the same because I have some members of family that love a gossip and can be very judgemental, so I’d rather not be topic of the day or given advice on why I shouldn’t be doing things when it’s simply a case that said relatives are controlling and annoyed they had no say In the matter! Nothing wrong with being private at all even if you have the least judgemental family ever!!!

Original poster

LostBacon · 19/12/2019 14:48

Literally nothing @NoSauce I just feel really anxious and almost nauseous giving news of any kind. The second I say oh we got engaged or we are having a baby or whatever nothing happens I just feel so tense in the build up to it.

No-one has put me under pressure but sometimes I have to share news if I didn't no-one would have gone to our wedding, and at some point people will be able to see I am pregnant.

I almost have a phobia of giving news but when I have given it nothing has ever happened. I felt tense about telling my parents I got a promotion - it literally meant nothing in my life changed I was just being paid slightly more and I still felt like I was going to throw up before I said it.

OP posts:

Original poster

LostBacon · 19/12/2019 14:50

FWIW I planned our reasonably big wedding and enjoyed it I wasn't bothered about being "center of attention" for the day or anything like that.

I found the wedding enjoyable I just didn't want to tell people about it in the first place.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 19/12/2019 14:59

You poor thing, it’s funny how certain things make us feel. I wonder what it stems from?

Original poster

LostBacon · 19/12/2019 15:05

I feel like a such a weirdo I want to enjoy the good things in my life, and share them with the people I love.
When people announce they are expecting on SM or that they have bought a house I think awh how lovely. I'd love to be able to do that but instead I tie myself up in knots - with my engagement I told my parents and then got them to tell my wider family because it felt so overwhelming for me.

My DH is really kind about it and he only goes at my pace - when we are telling people who are not my immediate family news I get him to physically say whatever it is, new car, new job whatever and I find that easier.

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 19/12/2019 15:05

Well knowledge is power isn't it? So I totally get how you feel. You're allowed to approach news re your life however you feel. Also, I hate attention & fuss, it brings me out in a stress rash all over my neck so Im the same re big stuff etc.

Shesalittlemadam · 19/12/2019 15:14

Is it because you love knowing something nobody else knows?!

bluebella4 · 19/12/2019 15:24

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Maybe you just don't want to tell people things or Are you afraid something may happen if you do?

NoSauce · 19/12/2019 15:28

Is it the fuss you don’t like or being the centre of attention OP? Does it stem from being a child and having to speak up about something and you were put in the limelight?

It sounds like something from your past has triggered this.

Squirrelblanket · 19/12/2019 15:30

Does it make any difference if you tell people face to face or by text or email?

I really don't like a fuss and if I have to tell people things face to face it feels very uncomfortable for me. Especially if it's the sort of news where people are likely to gasp or ask a load of questions that I might not want to answer. I find doing things over text or email much easier.

Original poster

LostBacon · 19/12/2019 16:24

It's better if I text or email.

I love my birthday and being fussed over in that respect - as a child I was a "performer" and very look at me look at me.

I always feel like I am going to get in trouble when I am about to give news - the feeling you get when you walk through the airport sweating even though you have done nothing wrong.

I do feel very worried and afraid of peoples reactions even though no-one has ever reacted badly.

OP posts:

Cherry4weans · 19/12/2019 16:55

It could be rejection sensitive dysphoria or pda if it comes with some other symptoms. I have rsd and it feels like what you describe. Like if you have got someone a gift and it's obvious they don't like it. To others they might feel a bit put out, but to me it's like the world has come to an end and I'm the worse person ever. I panic about making food incase someone doesn't eat it - even though its really not that big a deal if they don't. It's like an intense fear of not getting the expected reaction, or being judged, even though the rational you knows you can handle it. Ring any bells?

Spanneroo · 19/12/2019 16:57

I'm like this too, OP. People who are sharers don't understand, and many find it rude. I've found people can feel entitled to know this stuff, which I personally just find weird.

We didn't tell anyone I was pregnant with DD1 until 20 weeks, and then it was only our parents. Close friends found out at 30 weeks when I felt I was starting to show.

When we got pregnant with twins, we didn't tell anyone it was a twin pregnancy except immediate family and a couple of very close friends, and let everyone else just find out through the grapevine, or once they were born.

We got married in a statutory ceremony just me, DH, DD2, and a couple of witnesses. We told our parents a couple of days beforehand and went to McDonald's to celebrate.

I just don't feel it's important to share these things, and neither does DH. It's our business and nobody else's. I can understand that some might feel left out when we don't tell them, but I don't think this trumps our desire to not make a big deal of it via an announcement.

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