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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas bliss...?

66 replies

astralweaks · 19/12/2019 11:01

www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

There's nothing like child-free, selfish festivities... and secretly, says ELLEN MANNING, I think all you parents are jealous!

I realise this is from the much revered Daily Mail but do you think this woman has a point? Do you envy the freedom afforded by a child free Christmas?

OP posts:
AnxietyDream · 19/12/2019 12:28

You are entitled to think Christmas without kids is better, but I definitely disagree.

I love Christmas, but before we had kids it always felt a bit flat. Now it's amazing (my kids are toddlers though, so I don't now how I'll feel with older kids!).

There are lots of times I cast envious glances at the childfree - but Christmas is definitely not one of them.

Squirrelblanket · 19/12/2019 12:28

We are childfree and absolutely love Christmas! It's a really decadent time for us with lots of traditions we've built for ourselves. Full of fun, laughs and good food and drink. I wouldn't have it any other way!

We've never wanted children and don't feel any different at Christmas. In fact I probably appreciate not having them more at Christmas. Crown Grin

Squirrelblanket · 19/12/2019 12:31

Just to add, I'm not saying I think Christmas generally is better without children. I think it's really silly to make that kind of statement, it depends on the individual and what kind of lifestyle they want.

Your Christmas might be better with children but MINE is better without.

riotlady · 19/12/2019 12:32

I love Christmas with or without kids tbh! It’s just a lovely time of yesr

caperplips · 19/12/2019 12:36

Dd was not born till I was 35 so I had had a lot of child free Christmases before her and I loved them all. My family made traditions as myself and siblings grew up that probably could only be done in a child free house - visiting friends on Christmas Eve night for wine and nibbles, sometimes midnight mass AT midnight, home to eat some of the ham my mother had cooked. My parents had family friends who always called in for a few drinks with them.

Once everyone was gone and the house was just back to the immediate family we then had a glass of bubbles together and opened our presents - it was after midnight so technically Christmas Day! My parents replaced stockings with Christmas sacks and we had lots of small and thoughtful presents and it was so lovely to have that hour or so, just us - parents and grown up kids in our 20's. Christmas Day we hosted wider family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and it was busy and loud with lots of wine and champagne.

Then I met dh and he spent a couple of Christmases in my family home and loved it , it was totally different to christmas in his family.

Once dd was born I took over the hosting and Christmas became more focused on her and my parents loved it all, reliving memories of us as children. My siblings did not have children at that stage and some years came to join us, other years travelled, and then they met their other halves they went to inlaws etc but there was always an open door to ours.

Now dd is a teen and we're slowly moving back to the more adult style Christmas. We in a sort of half way stage at the moment. 'Santa' still comes and fills stockings and leaves presents and surprises and we all keep up that tradition. For now. My parents still come to us, siblings are away this year and have small kids of their own.

I can see us coming out the other side of kids christmas in the next year or so and am looking forward to that very much. I intend to travel if and when financially viable - Christmas in New York with dh and mid-teen dd - happy days. And my parents get to enjoy Christmas with siblings and santa and young children again Grin

LaMarschallin · 19/12/2019 12:36

So, if some people only like Christmas with children, what happens when they grow up?
Presumably they won't always want to be with you for the "big day".

Worse, you may become the dread not-so-DPs or MiLs they're trying to avoid.

Camomila · 19/12/2019 12:38

I prefer Christmas with DC - Christmas from mid teens until I had DS wasn't as much fun as it is now.
The only bit I miss was going to the pub on Christmas eve with my friends.
Midnight mass is still doable though as DS is fast asleep and can usually be left with DM.

I think the best Christmasses are probably when there are older primary school DC - old enough to stay up for everything but not moody yet!

isseywith4vampirecats · 19/12/2019 13:23

I have tried to get out of hosting my sons on christmas day as they are both in their thirties, both single and both have said oh mom we love your Christmas dinner, and partner is in cahoots with them he wont go anywhere either. don't get me wrong it is still a nice day OH and I have a cooked breakfast, I have prepped the veg the day before so all I have to do is bung it all in the oven at the right time I don't play the martyr or get stressed and the men in the house polish off the washing up between them and put it all away

MintyMabel · 19/12/2019 13:26

No intention of clicking on any DM links. Do you work for them?

I hated Christmas until I had a daughter. I'll probably hate it again when she is too old for it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/12/2019 13:29

So, if some people only like Christmas with children, what happens when they grow up? I presume I will either impose myself on their family xmas or I'll be on a cruise round the Caribbean

BacktoMA · 19/12/2019 13:30

This article makes no sense....of course for someone who doesn't want children Christmas is better without them....because they think everything is better without children if they've chosen not to have them?! I can't imagine there's many parents who don't enjoy seeing Christmas through a child's eyes and would wish for anything different, as others have said it's one of the highlights with having children.

It's a shame she obviously feels compelled to write this because people have made comments to her, she's on the defence but I suppose I can understand that if she's had a lot of criticism. You do you etc etc.

Original poster
astralweaks · 19/12/2019 13:33

I do not “work for” The Daily Mail. Confused
What an odd thing to think or say.

OP posts:
AllergicToAMop · 19/12/2019 13:57

I am not only childfree, but as a bonus non religious. The amount of "Why do you bother with Christmas?", "Oh. You do Christmas? But...", "It's not it without kids" Etc is so so so so unbelievable. I get why she went on offensive.
I LOVE Christmas. Always did and always will. The lights, the garlands, the candles, the tree, the food, the relax and fun... Self employed so time off guaranteed. We surprise each other with presents, have different foods sinful budget for it tbh , plentiful of drinks, play board games if just us (every second year), watch movies, nap. It's a wonderful life for 3 days😁

Someone likes them with children, someone without. Both is perfectly fine. What's not fine is telling people that their way is not as good as yours🤷

Borisdaspide · 19/12/2019 14:10

Rather a million early mornings than a single Rod Stewart concert Xmas Grin

Sundancer77 · 19/12/2019 14:22

I don’t understand why people would assume that there’s no point in bothering with Christmas if you don’t have kids? It can still be a lovely time of the year. We waited years to have our Dd, so I had many adult christnasses and enjoyed them also. I loved the Christmas Eve at the pub with friends, travelling to Christmas markets in Europe, lots of nights out, more shopping for myself etc..I enjoyed it then, but in a different way. Now we have Dd it’s incredible and a time when for us, it’s extra special, so I don’t miss my ‘Old life’ but in other circumstances I also sometimes have envious moments towards those who are child free, just that Christmas isn’t one of them. It’s what you make of it.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 19/12/2019 14:35

Its be nice to be able to go out all the time and have a lie in on Christmas morning. But the magic and joy about Santa with kids just about makes up for it for me

happymrsc · 19/12/2019 14:37

This will be my first Christmas away from my family (spending with in laws) and therefore first without children about and it doesn't feel the same... I haven't got the same excitement I normally would , just feels like it'll be like any other day. But I am due a baby in spring so I should probably enjoy it while I can!

MoreSexPleaseImBritish · 19/12/2019 15:00

I'll start off by saying I am a mother, but I see why she would want to write this piece.

The whole christmas industry tells us that Christmas is about children, society tells us a woman isn't complete if she isn't a mother.

You will find thousands of articles on why Children make christmas- shock horror someone write an alternative that reflects them and many others.

They love their christmas and they love their freedom. Good for them.

Had I not had my daughter I'd probably go all out like this couple and have a proper booze fest with my friends.
I'm looking forward to those christmases too in a few years when my daughter is an adult and I can take a trip to the markets in Tallin and have boozy all night parties.

formerbabe · 19/12/2019 15:07

Lots of things that people are describing as enjoyable during their childfree Christmas are to do with seeing friends and dependent on having a partner.

I'm sure single and childfree wouldn't be much fun and once all your friends are busy having families of their own, it would be even worse.

Crystal87 · 19/12/2019 16:50

I'd still celebrate Christmas if I didn't have kids. But all the joy for me is seeing the kids' excitement and enjoying themselves, without children I think it would fall a bit flat. I do sometimes envy other people's freedom, but the happiness I get from my kids outweighs it. At the end of the day, having a family of my own wins against date nights or freedom to do what I like when I like, in my opinion.

Snaga · 20/12/2019 19:51

So, if some people only like Christmas with children, what happens when they grow up? Presumably they won't always want to be with you for the "big day".

Unless my grown up children expect me to participate in Christmas I'll just treat it the same as any other bank holiday. An opportunity for time off work. If they do require my participation then I'll fake my way through it like I have done for the last 13 years.

Bananabeak · 20/12/2019 22:13

Actually never mind Christmas should we even bother trying to enjoy life without children... I mean I’m obviously living a pretty pointless existence without them... seriously, Christmas is what you make it just like life. If you want/have children then of course you’re going to want a child centric one! If not, you do it your way. Funnily enough our child free selves even participate in family gatherings and everything! Christmas is a gorgeous, fun, gluttonous, traditional, sociable, happy time of year. It’s for everyone who wants it, not just kids Xmas Wink

Ragwort · 20/12/2019 22:23

I loved Christmas before having a child, and I enjoy it now I am a parent, in a different way. But being brutally honest I did find some parts of Christmas with a young child utterly tedious (memories of putting Mousetrap together or watching dreary kids films Grin) & prefer it now that our DS is a teenager and we have a more ‘adult’ focused Christmas.
Hate the view that ‘Christmas is just for children’.

BrieAndChilli · 20/12/2019 22:42

It’s not the Christmas isn’t worth anything without children but we are responding to the woman in the article who is saying Christmas is better without children and parents are all jealous! I think Christmas with children, whether your own or grandkids or Neices and Newphews or friends kids etc is the best out of all Christmas’s. But if you have Christmas without kids then yes you make it nice etc.

Bananabeak · 20/12/2019 23:19

Sorry I am really just responding to a couple of posters such as Nowaypose who ask why even bother without kids. Celebrate life when you can! Christmas is a perfect time to cheer up. The whole what’s the point without children is a sore point for me as some people don’t see the point of a life without children. It’s hurtful.