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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go and see the teacher about this?

14 replies

GoodMPreply · 19/12/2019 09:27

DS is 8 in year 3. He has a male teacher who does a bit of banter with the class from what I can gather. DS is a kind gentle boy, very popular, sweet, tries 100% all the time and gets rave reviews from this teacher and others. He’s sensitive and takes things to heart and hero worships his teacher.

Anyway yesterday he came home and we a bit withdrawn. About an hour after school he started crying and said “I’m a wimp aren’t I, even my teacher thinks so”. He was really crying and upset. From what I can gather her and his teacher were reading/discussing DOAWK and the teacher said “that’s you isn’t it J? You’re a wimp aren’t you?”.

As the evening went on he told me more bits and started to convince himself (with my help) that it was silly banter and ofc his teacher doesn’t think he’s a wimp. He went to bed OK.

His teacher is a strutting sporty alpha male type and it really hurt DS to think this guy thinks he’s a wimp.....

Anyway sorry this is so long. I want to go in and speak to teacher to let him know his words affected DS but equally don’t want to upset things or cause a problem for DS.
I am feeling very protective of my little boy too so not sure what the best thing to do is.....

OP posts:

Comefromaway · 19/12/2019 09:34

Banter that upsets someone is bullying.

A teacher at ds's school told him as banter (when ds pointed out that the long jump measuring tape was bent) that the only thing bent was ds. It really upset him.

KittenVsXmastree · 19/12/2019 09:42

Not sure what DOAWK is, but I think I'd drop the teacher a line saying DS was upset yesterday after comments regarding who in the class were wimps, and could the teacher clarify what had gone on. No accusations, but let the teacher know it had upset him and hopefully think about his words a bit more.

ChristmasCroissant · 19/12/2019 09:43

I think it would be worth speaking to the teacher - he probably meant it as your DS being like the character in the book but it hasn't come across well. The teacher might be able to reassure him before the Christmas break by giving him a special task or something. Good to hear that he feels a bit better about it now.

Comeaway that's horrendous!

I spoke to my DD's teacher about the Cheese Touch game from DOAWK which was driving her mad in lessons - his eyes nearly rolled out of his head and he said he was banning it because it was driving him mad too! Today I wrote a polite but pointed comment in my (now secondary school) DD's planner because I thought a teacher had got it wrong with their comment. It never ends!

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 19/12/2019 09:45

FWIW I would definitely go and see the teacher about this. The teacher needs to understand that his words carry a lot of weight, and your DS is not one of his mates.

It's probably a sign that he likes your DS, but I think he needs your ds's feelings fed back to him.

I'd want to know if something I said upset a child that much!

wowfudge · 19/12/2019 09:47

It's Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Definitely tell the teacher he was upset by the comment. What a horrible thing to say to anyone quite frankly, what was the teacher thinking?

MonChatEstMagnifique · 19/12/2019 09:47

Your poor son. The teacher was absolutely wrong on this. I’d definitely mention it so that the teacher doesn’t do it again. I hope your son is ok.

echt · 19/12/2019 09:56

Calling someone a name is always wrong, e.g. you're a bully is unhelpful as so what is a reasonable response. Your behaviour is bullying is different, it can change. This is elementary training for teachers.

The particular context you describe is beyond awful: leading question and giving your DS a name. Worth contacting the teacher, but don't tell him the particular context, i.e. DOAWK . Say he mustn't speak to your DS about this contact. Meet him face to face and then tell him. It is possible something was lost in translation.

Sneezeandooops · 19/12/2019 09:56

Speak to the teacher, and depending on his reaction an email to the school. Verbal words get lost, emailed ones do not especially when you cc the head and governors too. Glad you calmed him down ok for bed time

QueenofmyPrinces · 19/12/2019 09:58

What’s DOAWK????

ladygracie · 19/12/2019 09:59

DIAWK is the book Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

NormHonal · 19/12/2019 10:01

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

GlitchStitch · 19/12/2019 10:02

Yes I would absolutely speak to him. I've come across a few teachers like this over the years. They are always male, always show offs and happy to pick on an easy target to get an ego boost from a bunch of kids. Hate them.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 19/12/2019 10:04

What’s DOAWK????

Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Popular series of children's books by Jeff Kinney.

OP, I'd ask for the teacher's side of this. It is possible he was comparing your child to the character and intended it in a complimentary manner.

Which isn't to say your son has no right to be upset, but it may be a case of crossed wires rather than banter. If so the teacher would probably wish to know so he doesn't make the same mistake in future.

neverdoingthatagain100 · 19/12/2019 10:15

I think the teacher was trying to be 'matey' with your son.
As your son is 8, I think it's worth having a quiet word with the teacher and explaining that it upset him, but stress he loves his class etc.
You don't want it escalating.
I'm a teacher of this age group and would want to know if I had upset someone!! Sometimes children act much tougher in class than they are.
Be clear it is just about this one incident.

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