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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or thnking of baby 1st

28 replies

Sausagerols · 19/12/2019 07:32

Sister ill with sickness diarrhea . Cant lift her head off pillow. She has 3 kids. One of school age, one 3 yrs and one 5 mnths.

I have a child 2.5 years

Got a phone call this morning asking me to go round and help with kids. With child in tow.

She has refused help from her mil who offerd to come round and help.

She also is very close to her cousin who is god mother to her kids, lives around the corner, has no children and is off work.

Aibu to tell her she will have to accept the help offerd by her mil or ask her cousin.

On the grounds that if i can help it i dont want my son catching bug.

Aibu

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/12/2019 07:34

I think as she has other offers of help then that is fair enough.

If there was really no alternative then I would suggest collecting the children and bringing them to yours

Freshnewus · 19/12/2019 08:20

Why has she refused help for her MIL.
She should accept. If there was noone else then I think it would be your responsibility to go and help her out.

PotteringAlong · 19/12/2019 08:22

Just because the cousin has no children and is off work doesn’t mean you can designate her to catch an illness you don’t want. But you can say no, you need to accept MiL’s offer of help.

christma5 · 19/12/2019 08:30

I personally wouldn't take a child into that situation, they're far more likely to pick up the bug than her MIL who has offered.

cadburyegg · 19/12/2019 08:31

Where is the children’s father?

ColaFreezePop · 19/12/2019 08:32

The paternal grandmother has offered and this should be accepted.

Neither your or the friend need to help her.

In your case say "No" and give your reasons. Leave the childless friend out if it as she can say "No" herself.

ColaFreezePop · 19/12/2019 08:34

@cadburyegg it doesn't matter. She has a offer of help from another relative.

ThunderboltandLightning · 19/12/2019 08:44

Where's the father is a perfectly fair question. Why is scrambling to help women's work? The father should want to ensure his kids are being cared for. Given that the kids and the dad (assuming co-habiting) are probably incubating, it also minimises the risk of spread to another household.

NomNomNomNom · 19/12/2019 08:45

I think YANBU since there are other people who could help if she had no one else I think you should go round.

minisoksmakehardwork · 19/12/2019 08:48

Given mil has offered to help,yanbu. I assume your bil is working and has potentially asked his mum to help, hence the offer, which is perfectly reasonable of him to do - making arrangements for his children to be cared for when his wife is sick. No different to a mother making arrangements for their sick child to be cared for so they can work.

Original poster
Sausagerols · 19/12/2019 09:07

Father at work

OP posts:
SubordinateThatClause · 19/12/2019 09:09

YANBU in the slightest. There are other offered of help - should be the father anyway. It's Christmas next week ffs, and the last think you want is a puking toddler!

SubordinateThatClause · 19/12/2019 09:09

*offers

BlueEyedFloozy · 19/12/2019 09:17

Their Dad should be taking responsibility for his kids.

Sister shouldn't have refused help from MIL.

You shouldn't assume cousin can help just because she's off work and childless.

She has 2 people on hand, one of whom shouldn't need to be asked, to help though so YANBU to refuse and protect your son from it.

Pilot12 · 19/12/2019 09:19

I wouldn't risk my child or family getting sick, not with Christmas coming up. It's selfish of her to ask you to go round with your child when her MIL is able to help her.

CakeandCustard28 · 19/12/2019 09:27

I wouldn’t risk catching it so close to Christmas it’s not fair on you or your child and extremely selfish of her if she’s already had offers of help. Just tell her no and to get her MIL over like she offered too. I wouldn’t even risk taking her kids to yours as chances are they’ve probably already picked it up.

Slightlysurviving · 19/12/2019 09:36

Ok, so dad goes to work while everyone else risks spreading a bug just before Christmas..... Dad should be taking responsibility for his kids as he has already been exposed to the bug

Hugtheduggee · 19/12/2019 09:41

Dad needs to be taking time off here. You don't risk spreading it to another family unless you are out of options. He's likely to get it anyway, and he's already been exposed. He doesn't get to hide from family responsibilities and put other families at risk.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/12/2019 09:47

Dad should be off looking after everybody. I'd keep my young children away too. He rarely catches anything but I catch all the sickness bugs, no matter how much I clean.

onalongsabbatical · 19/12/2019 09:50

WTF -MIL has offered - unless she's going to spend the time poking their eyes out and feeding them on cat food there's your answer.

cadburyegg · 19/12/2019 09:52

I asked where the dad was because it’s his responsibility, if the mum is bed bound. It’s selfish to expose other people to a very contagious bug unless absolutely essential. That’s what emergency leave is for.

Myself and DS2 have been struck down with the sickness bug this week. My mum usually helps us a lot with childcare but I have told her not to this week because I don’t want her to get ill.

Sirzy · 19/12/2019 09:54

I do love how easy some people think it is for people to take a day off work! Someone has offered to look after them so why does he need to take a day off?

Nifflernancy · 19/12/2019 09:54

What is the history with MIL? Is there a decent relationship there or is there a reason she wouldn’t want her help?

Newcottage20 · 19/12/2019 09:57

Yanbu

Just say no. I wouldn’t do it in your situation. And I wouldn’t expect you to help if I was her.

I would only help if I was child free myself.

PureAlchemy · 19/12/2019 09:59

Surely accepting MIL’s help is the obvious thing to do?

Is there some reason why MIL isn’t suitable to help?