Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To ask about the mum who was upset to find she was pregnant with DC2 at first and was considering abortion, then saw her DD on scan and felt differently?

12 replies

Wherethestableis · 18/12/2019 21:52

I'm probably not pregnant, and it's too early to test, but there's a possibility I am/will be. I have one wonderful DD who is nearly 2 and to discuss the circumstances would be outing although I can say the timing of next baby is especially complicated (I know there's never a good time)

Although the timing if I am is in some ways sensible, I am utterly regretting deciding to try even though it was thought through and discussed at length. I absolutely wish I'd waited another year as originally planned as I think that would actually be better for DD and she'd be more ready.

I don't mean to be dramatic but I feel heartbroken about what this means if I am - and I'm being particularly daft considering it took us a year to conceive DD and we might struggle next time.

I remember reading about another mum who bedshared her toddler son (not that this detail is especially relevant but I do with DD which made me think of it) who was really upset to find herself pregnant and prepared for an abortion, then saw her DD on scan and felt happy for them all and that she'd complete that family.

Please could I speak to that mum if she's there? How are you and your DC?

I can't use Levonelle because it's too late as I'm pretty sure I ovulated that day, and I can't use EllaOne as I'm breastfeeding DD. I can't find anywhere that could fit a copper coil - unless there's somewhere privately? I have searched but couldn't find anywhere

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Wherethestableis · 18/12/2019 21:54

I've realised I keep saying "we" when it's obviously a decision between DH and me - but he said he will leave the timings to me to decide and is happy with what I think best so I do feel like the responsibility is mine

I'm so, so upset for DD and worried

OP posts:

Shahlalala · 18/12/2019 21:56

So you deliberately got a pregnant, is that right?


Wherethestableis · 18/12/2019 22:02

Yes, we had that intention, because the timing is in some ways more sensible than waiting

But now that it's a possibility, I feel very upset and guilty that it will disrupt my DD's life and that she's too young. I know another mother posted on here feeling this way and so wondered what happened to her, or if others have felt like that

I wouldn't have an abortion if I were, I just wondered how she felt as her pregnancy progressed

OP posts:

Shahlalala · 18/12/2019 22:02

I think if I’m reading it right it sounds like you planned this but now it’s happening you are worried?
I felt slightly similar feelings with DC2, especially as I got very sick and it was hard going, but I chose to have him and never considered an abortion.
It is of course your choice, but it doesn’t really sound like you want an abortion, just that you want reassurance.
Also my DD was still sleeping in and my bed sometimes and still does now sometimes and she is 5! I just don’t let her sleep next to the babe.


Wherethestableis · 18/12/2019 22:04

Thank you - that's right, I wouldn't have an abortion in these circumstances personally but was using the description to refer to the OP of the thread I've mentioned

OP posts:

Shahlalala · 18/12/2019 22:05

Sorry! Posted before your reply!
You’ll be fine and DD will love having a sibling. I actually wish I had had mine closer with hindsight.
Maybe wait and see, if you aren’t sure you are pregnant than no need worrying now.
If you’re not you could always rethink the timescales.
Finding out I was pregnant first tine prompted some odd feeling that I was doing the wrong thing. We tried for two weeks then stopped to wait a while longer, but too late!


Summercamping · 18/12/2019 22:11

There are two years between my first two and I was worried sick about my eldest and very anxious that I would ruin his life by having my second.

My eldest is 9 now and loves his little brother, they share a room and are great pals.

Oh, and my eldest was a terrible sleeper and came into our bed every night. it was tough going for a while, but no regrets


pumpandthump · 18/12/2019 22:15

Whilst I'm pretty sure I never wrote about the situation on here, the story you've just described is me!

I had DC1, we bedshared. DC1 was a nightmare baby but God do I love him! I'd always planned 2 kids but following DC1 I figured no more! I stopped breastfeeding him and got pregnant by accident. I was devastated but about a week after we found I ended up miscarrying. In the haze of emotions and hormones we decided that actually DC2 was a good idea. I stopped my pill and we got to TTC. I got pregnant immediately. And I immediately regretted it. I was absolutely devastated, I tried to get over it, tried to be happy but got more and more upset about it and felt it was a mistake. I told DH I wanted an abortion. He was so upset but ultimately told me it was decision and he'd support me.

My scan was later that week. I agreed I'd make a final decision after the scan. Once I saw DC2 wriggling on the screen I knew I couldn't go through with an abortion. I wasn't excited or even happy, just resigned to having her. It was a turbulent 9 months seating from emotion to emotion.

But oh my God! Is she the absolute best thing that ever happened to me! She's amazing, light of my life. My son made me a mother, but she made me a mum. To both of them! I'm a much better mum to them both than I was before. I enjoy them, enjoy bring a mum. They are my pride and joy. And DD did this to me. She's amazing. They both are!


MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 18/12/2019 22:21

I think it’s probably very natural to feel guilty about how a new sibling will affect your eldest. I fell pregnant when my DD was 18 months and felt much the same way, it was planned but I was full of self-doubt and worried we’d made the wrong decision. Unfortunately we lost that baby, and the devastation I felt told me that I did really want another baby. I fell pregnant again when DD was 23 months (so a similar age to yours) and am excited about the age gap we’ll have when no.2 joins us in spring. It’s not too small at all (imo) but small enough that hopefully they will play together sometimes.


Smellbellina · 18/12/2019 22:26

In my experience children deal best with a new sibling when they are younger and don’t have the sense of having their parents attention ‘taken away’ by a new sibling. I honestly think you are worrying unnecessarily.


Poetryinaction · 18/12/2019 22:52

I never worried about my kids having siblings. They adore their siblings. There is 21 months between my 1st 2, planned.


Wherethestableis · 19/12/2019 11:04

Thank you. These are reassuring! I'd love my DD to have a sibling so I am thinking of her, and I would love another baby, I just feel longer might be better for emotionally

Anyway it took us ages last time so it's very unlikely I'm pregnant

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?