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Is this a selfish reason for wanting children?

31 replies

Mightilyconfused · 18/12/2019 21:52

NC for this in case it’s outing.

I’m 30 (just turned) and have always said I was never really bothered about having children. I was a young career due to both my parents being unwell and so felt like I’d done my fair share of caring as a child.

Recently, however, something has changed and I feel totally unfulfilled. I have a good job that’s plodding along nicely. I love my DH and we plod along nicely. We have just bought our first home and done it up. Now I just feel lost and like I have no purpose. I do a lot for other people and charities just to feel like I have a purpose. I’ve realised that maybe what I’m missing is a little person that I can devote my time and love to.

However I can’t help but feel like that’s a selfish reason to want a child?

YANBU - that’s a reason to have children
YABU - that’s not a reason to have kids

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

211 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Juliette20 · 19/12/2019 06:24

Sounds like you are at a good stage to have children, as long as you both feel the same about it.

I felt exactly the same, OP at your phase of life, OP. We always talked about having two children but I was thinking we would try when I was 31 or 32 and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have children in my early or mid twenties. But when we got to your phase in life and I was 28 it suddenly just seemed the right time. I'd done everything I wanted to do that you can't do as easily once you have children. Then DH's friends had a baby and I suddenly felt broody for the first time in my life. I got pregnant straight away and we had DD1 about 16 months after getting married, I was 29, nearly 30 and DD2 when I was 33. No regrets whatsoever, it was the right time and absolutely the right thing to do.

After I had DD2 I was diagnosed with endometriosis, so who knows what fertility problems I might have had if I had left it a few more years.

ANewUsername321 · 19/12/2019 06:56

I'm a few years older than you OP and feel similar, just pretty underwhelmed
by life and feel like there's something missing. Just not sure that the missing thing is a baby!

Squashpocket · 19/12/2019 06:59

Surely this is the reason most people have children?

Having children has turned out to be 'the meaning of (my) life'. Before that, I was fairly aimless and by the time I reached 30, completely fucking bored of myself. I understand lots of people don't feel that way at all, but that's how it's been for me.

Tumbleweed101 · 19/12/2019 07:27

Wanting a child is one of the most basic desires of all. It’s one of our main biological purposes.

Whether to have one or not is up for you and your Dh to weigh up and decide :).

LauraMacArthur · 19/12/2019 10:20

I think it's more important to consider whether you could meet a childs needs (physical, emotional, etc) than to analyse the reason why you want children.

formerbabe · 19/12/2019 10:26

Yes it's a very valid reason. You want to mother. The way to do that is to have a child.

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