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Friend being strung along?

5 replies

Jadefeather7 · 18/12/2019 13:18

One of my closest friends has been with her boyfriend for about 9/10 years now. They come from a culture/religion where marriage is very important and long term relationships where people don’t get married are pretty much unheard off. Her boyfriend knows that she really wants to get married and her family put her under quite a bit of pressure to settle down. They are approaching their mid 30s and I know she would like to have children (which without marriage is not a possibility for them). He usually has excuses for why they aren’t yet married eg sometimes it’s to do with the state of their relationship (she says not being married causes resentment, tension and fights) and at other times he will say that they will get married next year and when that times comes he says that he struggling with work/money so it’s not the right time. I’ve been hearing this for about 5 years. My friend is convinced that they are totally in love and she believes whatever he says. I can see though that it makes her really miserable. Any time that I try to subtly suggest that maybe it’s time to move on she seems determined to convince me that he’s totally in love and committed to her. This is the love of her life, so I can see why she’s so keen to cling on to this. Am I being too skeptical? Should I let her carry on hoping? Do I try to convince her that this isn’t going anywhere? I’ve been there for her for the past few years and I’m always around to listen. I just feel bad as she’s been depressed about this situation for so long and nothing ever changes.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

DrManhattan · 18/12/2019 13:55

Leave them to it. You will be the villain no matter what you say or do.


WorraLiberty · 18/12/2019 13:58

YABU, she's an adult. How long she stays in the relationship is up to her.


FabulouslyFab · 18/12/2019 13:59

I agree with DrManhattan, you won’t persuade her. Just be there for her when she needs you.


OceanSunFish · 18/12/2019 14:01

YANBU to feel sad for her. I’m not sure what you can do about it though. Maybe suggest she posts about it on here? She’ll get plenty of home truths then!


Jadefeather7 · 18/12/2019 14:05

Of course I can’t make her do anything that she doesn’t want. I just sometimes feel like it’s wrong to encourage her in her hope that he will marry her when I don’t think he will.

OP posts:
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