Wibu to not go?

[outherealone]

I’m a witness in an upcoming court case. I’m very traumatised by the event to the point where I’m having therapy, on medication and having to change my job (indirectly work related trauma)
I was called as a witness late and because I wasn’t included on the original witness list I thought I wouldn’t have to go . Now I do and apparently am an important part of the trial.
My mental health has suffered massively because of this and my whole life is affected. I am not the actual victim.
My gp has offered to sign me off so I don’t have to attend and just provide statement instead. Police have advised that if I don’t attend I could be summonsed. I have this hanging over me for a few weeks and ptsd means every time I think about it or talk about it I cry. Not conducive to job interviews!
I feel that my attendance could have an impact on sentencing. And that I should attend. It might not be as bad as I’ve played it out in my mind...
My aibu is would I be unreasonable to get a doctor letter?

Thanks @christmasVag , nice name
It starts in January for a week, doubtful I’ll be needed more than one day, two at a stretch.
I have visited alto, thought it would make me feel better but it actually didn’t.
The witness support team are really lovely and talked me through every step of the process and said I’m welcome to contact them anytime to go through anything else.
I think it’s more my mental health I need to battle with rather than the court case.
I wish I was more resilient, I don’t deal with stuff very well. I’m working really hard not to let it impact on my kids and I feel I can’t tell them about what has happened because they are so young and beautiful they’re starting to gain awareness of some of the badness in the world but I don’t feel they’re emotionally capable of grasping the story so I’m trying to act like it’s business as usual but I’m so sluggish and preoccupied, I have no energy to do anything or achieve anything (despite doing it all anyway!)
I think I’d like some eternal sunshine of the spotless mind treatment, or lobotomising

Thank you @Howlovely people on here are so kind, I agree, I really need recovery time and space, hopefully the festive break could help.

Why don't you get signed off from work rather than from the court case? You are clearly under a lot of stress. If you can reduce other stresses in your life the court might seem a bit more manageable.

I doubt many of us would deal with this very week. It’s also something outside the norm, so IRL many wouldn’t have the ability to fully understand your viewpoint.

It’s difficult. Struggling is going to be part of that process. Don’t see it as a failure.

@HotPenguin , I have been so tempted to go sick but we’re so under pressure at work (I get the irony) that I feel I can’t leave the rest of the team to pick up the slack. Praying Christmas holiday gives me the space and time i need to try and recuperate.

@greentulip I really feel like I’m failing. I know that on a logical level I am dealing with a lot, even without this going on. I am very good at beating myself up!
My brain is so full I’m forgetful and struggling hard to keep on top of it!

I witnessed an awful crime too. Police took a statement. I am fkn determined to go to court as a witness although it will not be easy.

I am partially deaf and my biggest concern is not hearing the proceedings or the cross examination. That fkd me goodo.

Anyway I contacted the courts and they have been more than helpful in helping me in any way they can. Their accessibility policy will make sure I can hear and that is all I was worried about. Time to fight back and not be intimidated in any way.

It is very tough OP, and I am terrified that the accused will find me, but I am determined to give my witness statement in court.

@kinsss thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s really helpful to hear from someone else who is in a similar situation. I’m really sorry for what you went through and yes I can imagine that being partially def would add to the anxiety . That’s fab that they are giving you accessibility support.
I hate considering the cross examination, I’ve been assured it’s not how it appears on the telly!
I do believe they have our best interests at heart. I understand how you feel frightened of being found by the accused, this is partly why I’m behind a screen,
I really hope your court experience is not traumatic and I really admire your attitude.
Take care x

Thanks @outherealone.

We are not alone, remember that. Best wishes.

I am prepping myself for responding to the Barristers on cross examination. But I will do it if necessary. They are no better than I am end of day.

If one of them says "I put it to you kinsss, that x y or z, I will say where did you put it. LOL.

Sorry it is just a defence mechanism.

Haha! That’s exactly how my mind works. Police have advised that I say as little as possible and not to deviate from my original statement and give yes and no , and I don’t know answers. Apparently when you try to fill in gaps that’s when they can start becoming difficult.
Urgh. Well at least we can tick this unique experience off our bucket list! (Bad joke alert)

OP, did you know the victim in any way or are you a complete stranger who witnessed this?

I did jury service, and the witnesses who spoke were all kinds, some incredibly nervous, some looked like they just popped in for a quick chat on the way home.

The way the barristers dealt with them was completely different to the way they dealt with the accused and associates. There is water there, you can sit down if you need, you can ask to repeat the question, I think one had a quick court break as they weren't coping. They know that witnesses have not asked to be there, they aren't on trial (so haven't 'brought it on themselves' etc) and are just ordinary people having their lives temporarily hijacked. They are trained to ask clear questions and to tease out the clear answer from you. If you don't answer clearly or fully they will just ask the question in a way to get that final bit of info from you. And it seemed to me that they all (both sides) know what your statement says, they know which bits they want to clarify, they know what they will ask you etc, it's almost like a script pre-written.

And all the staff there will be used to, and trained for, people falling to pieces. So please try not to worry, you will be looked after.

I was in a similar position. Very pregnant and having to be a witness in a case against someone who assaulted someone extremely violently in front of me and was also accused of murder separately. They needed my testimony because they needed to prove an MO for the murder trial. I was terrified. And traumatised. And pregnant.

I got to one day before and he pleaded guilty. Had I refused to testify, he wouldn't have pleaded.

It's not easy. But I couldn't have slept at night if he'd got off.

Hi OP. I can see how difficult this is for you. Well done on organising things at the court to make it easier for you.
Can you maybe also look into breathing techniques etc to help you calm yourself. There are studies that show doing a superman pose for 2 minutes actually does make you feel more powerful and confident. See what works for you

Buy some extravagant bubble bath or hand cream or chocolate or whatever appeals as a well done treat when it is all over. You are doing an amazing thing. Keep talking we are all here supporting you

I agree with the poster saying to get signed off work until after you have given evidence, esp as you are now breaking down and crying in the workplace

Just wanted to say well done, OP. It sounds like a horribly difficult thing for you and you're doing it anyway because it's the right thing and to keep the rest of us safer. Thank you, I think you're very brave.

You’re being incredibly brave, but going is the right thing to do, not just to get closure, but also so that hopefully so that you can protect other people from the same thing happening to them. All you have to do is be honest, and stick to the point, only answer what you have been asked to answer, and keep it factual. Use us and those around you in real life for support. It’s a horrible thing to have to go through, but you’ll be doing the right thing.

I don't know if this will help you or not but my son is disabled and this year was assaulted by his class teacher. He wouldn't have been able to tell me this had happened. I feel indebted to the witnesses that came forward, I owe them my sanity and the safety of my child. They've had to go through gruelling statements, spend 4 hours sitting in court only for it not to go ahead and felt ostracised in the school they work in.

I think you're doing fantastically and your support will ALWAYS be so appreciated by the victim and their family. Thank you for being amazing

Dig deep and find that extra bit of resilience to get you through then hopefully attending will offer some closure for you. Can you take someone as support?

Can’t say much but being in a similar situation, I can confirm I felt extremely elated and so powerful after I did it. I felt a combination of “I mattered” and “ready to take on the world”. In a weird way, it had a positive effect on my healing. Maybe closure?
Like you I was in a bad state but not doing it was far far worst.
Good luck OP. I wish you all the strength in the world to fight.

This sounds so hard but from experience I think being part of the process of getting justice will bring more positive than negative in the longer run in terms of your mental health.
I know you said you are seeing someone for professional help. Have you had any trauma therapy from someone qualified to do that? EMDR or trauma focused CBT? Once the court case is over I would definitely advise seeking some specialist help from someone trained in one or both of the above.

Hi all thanks so much for messages. I am having trauma therapy right now including emdr which is why I’m surprised why I’m stil reacting in such an emotional way. The therapist is very skilled in this area and has a great reputation for trauma work.
Great to have input from people who’ve been through the court process too.

@HereForTheHelp really sorry for what your son has experienced and how you’ve managed to get justice through witnesses.
When I hear this tories like yours it breaks my heart how voiceless people can be abused and really puts my situation into perspective.

The best way to recover from this is to attend. If you don't go you could well be left with feelings you should have attended, let people down etc. Go, then put some support in place. Do you have a friend you can be with you on the day?