To wonder how you mother if you’re tactical avoidant?

[Breckenridged]

I was just listening to a really interesting segment on Woman’s Hour about pregnancy and autism. One of the speakers is pregnant with her first and, being tactile avoidant, she mentioned that her partner will have skin to skin with the baby when it’s born. That’s fine then but her partner won’t always be around. I have 3 kids and they seem to want to touch me ALL the time - I’m a very tactile person but still get a bit touched out by the end of the day. I suppose I’m just curious as to how you make it work if you’re in this situation?

I hope this doesn’t come across as rude - I’m not trying to disparage her at all, just genuinely curious.

My sister was tactile avoidant - she would freeze if anyone went near her and God Forbid anyone tried to put an arm around her. She just couldn’t bear it - she still can’t.

However, when her children came along all she wanted to do was hold them and cuddle them.

They are now 9 and 12 and they are still the only people she will let cuddle her or touch her affectionately.

Maybe that woman will respond in exactly the same way?

There’s no way of knowing how she will feel until the baby actually arrives.

Thanks, yes, let’s hope it works out for her whatever may be.

I'm tactile avoidant and I didn't struggle at all when my kids were babies. It's just different with them. I'm sure she'll be fine

I'm not autistic but I'm not very tactile, there are a handful of people I will hug and generally don't really like being touched or being very close to anyone.

When I had DD I loved snuggling up with her and I'm still extremely tactile with her and now my son too.
Still don't like touch from others very much!

I agree with PP. A lot of the time your kids are the exception. I'm not really a touchy feely person, cant cuddle for long at night, hated it when exs tried to hold my hand etc. But I could carry my DD all day long and stroke her hands etc, the first time she grabbed my face to give me kisses I had a grinch moment. "Help me, I'm feeeeeeling" 😂 I still get touched out and enjoy my quiet time, but it's not as bad as I thought.

That's not always the case though, My GM wasnt very affectionate with anyone and her children still comment on it.

It's different with your own DCs and no one knows how they will feel about their baby until theory becomes reality. I'm thinking that autism would have not survived the gene pool if autistic mums couldn't bear having their children touch them. Being a mum has felt very natural and easy for me from day 1 and despite being hands-off generally, I do love hugs and cuddles from my kids.

I'm a very tactile avoidant aspie, but I not only love hugging my children but also attachment .parented my youngest (breastfed beyond 2 and did babywearing beyond one, until he could walk)

Yes there are days where I am hyperstimulated and can hardly bare being touched at all, but I push those feelings down where my children are concerned

I'm puzzled how anyone who is tactile avoidant can get pregnant !

Oxytocin (the cuddle/love hormone) helps overide the avoidance. in fact there are ongoing experiements with oxytocin nasal sprays as a treatment to help people with autism engage socially.

I'm just being assessed for autism (most probably actually diagnosed next month)

I hate hugs. I hate people touching me.

Except if I'm in a relationship or with my children. Well, they're all teens now so pretty hug avoidant themselves. But as babies I tended towards the attachment parenting side, because that's what felt right for us (didn't even realise it had a name back when I had my first)

There were times I got touched out, but actually talking to others (online) helped me see that lots of mums went through it and I wasn't some hideous monster who suddenly hated her kids!

I'm puzzled how anyone who is tactile avoidant can get pregnant

Sex is completely different. There are things during sex I like having done to me that I wouldn't like, for example done to me in a supermarket or when I'm eating dinner. If I'm trying to eat my dinner and DP is trying to undo my bra he would be told to piss off aswell I find it interesting watching people hold hands over a candle lit dinner etc where as I dont like that, nor do I like holding hands walking down the road.

I'm not exactly tactile avoidant but I get very easily 'touched out' to the point where I could scream if someone tries to touch me in the wrong moment. I also have misophonia (lol..)

It works out. It's not always easy but when it's your own kids it is a little different and they get all the touching they need without me getting overwhelmed too often. It's helpful to have a supportive partner so one can leave the room when one needs to in order to recover BEFORE losing one's shit.

I'm tactile avoidant - though it has eased somewhat as I've got older. I grew up in a household where my mother didn't hold me, and sometimes visibly winced when I tried to reach out to her - so it's just what I'm used to.

However, I am a very 'huggy' mother; and also quite huggy with partners, but for short periods (have to sleep in my own space, for example).

handbags obviously it doesn’t apply to PP on this thread but the lady on the show used a kit to conceive. I suppose it was this plus her assertion that her partner would do the skin to skin after birth that specifically made me wonder how she was going to cope with all the touch that is required when bringing up kids.

There are things during sex I like having done to me that I wouldn't like, for example done to me in a supermarket or when I'm eating dinner. If I'm trying to eat my dinner and DP is trying to undo my bra he would be told to piss off aswell

...true of most people I’d have thought...