To want to cancel it all?

[amaryl]

Christmas, bought nothing yet and obviously running out of days
Significant birthday in January, every option is just too hard
I just want to cry all the time
I have pain everywhere it seems, nothing can be done, nothing helps
I’m hormonal, no hrt seems to help

YANBU

I would make a list of things that absolutely have to be done - decide what actually matters, and pare it down to the minimum. Then look at the easiest possible ways of getting those things ticked off. Pre-prepared food that can be delivered? Next-day delivery on presents etc? Is there anyone you can delegate jobs to?

It sounds like you're having a difficult time. Are there any investigations to your pain, other than hormonal?

As for Christmas, it depends if there are children and how old they are. Older ones can be made to put up a few decorations if needed, food doesn't need to be anything fancy. Amazon can deliver next day on Prime, so no need to fight through the shops. Do as much as you feel you can, or get others to do it this year if you can't manage.

What's causing the pain, is it fibromyalgia or similar? It sounds horrendous.

it sounds really tough.

Have you seen your gp recently? You might need a little help at the moment.

Pain is back pain mostly, which can only be fixed with major spinal fusion. It’s usually under control except when I have to do physical stuff. Then back seizes and pain radiates through entire pelvic area. Also hrt has messed up cycle so I’ve been feeling like period due for a month now.
Decorations are done, cleaner is coming tomorrow.
I have online shop booked in for 23rd
We have every big occasion at my house
And the last couple I’ve been in too much pain to enjoy properly

I think I’m just so sick of knowing that when I have to do stuff, shopping, lifting bags, walking for too long I’m going to suffer afterwards
The prep for Xmas dinner I’m dreading. Even though my mum does most of it

It sounds like you’ve got all the major stuff done. Your family will understand if presents don’t happen.

Is there any extra pain relief you could try? Tens machine, oramorph etc? It might be worth getting a medication review just in case.

Do you have a good relationship with your mum? Rather than doing most of it, could she do all the Christmas dinner (maybe with help from other family)?

That's really rough, constant pain is exhausting and demoralising. And the hormonal cloud on top of it must be horrible. You must let others do as much of the physical stuff as possible, you can't be hefting heavy bags around. You wouldn't expect anyone else to cause themselves pain and injury for you, would you, so you shouldn't be doing it for others. Get as much delivered as possible and be really frank with those around you about how bad you're feeling - they need to step up and take the strain.

Just managed to order all kids stuff
I just need a couple of hours for the rest I think
Problem is I need inspiration,

Is there anything specific you need help with? I’m sure people on here would have ideas.

Sympathise. I've only started mine today. But feel like saying fuck it all this year