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AIBU?

To feel like I don’t belong anywhere?

9 replies

Laila747 · 18/12/2019 09:31

NC for this.

I feel lost. Like I don’t really belong to any of the families I’m linked to.

My dad left my mum when I was 8. He left her for one of her best friends. My relationship with him had never really been close, I don’t really have any memories of doing anything with him when I was younger. Barely see him now. He might pop in once a year to drop off my kids bday/Xmas presents. He only lives 5 mins away.
My mum re married when I was 16 and I kind of became part of that family. I had 2 step brothers and 2 step sisters. Went to all their family ‘do’s’ with the mass of cousins/aunts/uncles etc...but was never really one of ‘them’ it was clear I was on the outside as such.
When I had my DD at 19, her dads family never really liked me. I wasn’t included in anything his mum/sisters did. I tried my hardest to involve myself and suggest things but no, I wasn’t welcome.
Years later I married and had 2 DC with my now exh. To start with his family were great, it was like the big happy family I always wanted. But after 9 years of marriage, we split (joint decision) and NONE of his family have spoken to me or my DD since. Obviously they see my other children (their grandchildren) but would walk past me and my DD in the street.
I met my DP 5 years ago and we are very happy. He’s a wonderful man and I’m so lucky to have him. Because his sisters were so close to my DPs Exw they will have nothing to do with me, still. His brothers and mum and dad are lovely and have welcomed me with open arms but because of his sisters I am not welcome at family parties etc if they are there. My DP has cut all contact with them because of this.
So consequently, I feel like I’m floating around in the middle of everyone else’s families. I know I have my children and my DP and his children but I don’t feel like I ‘belong’ to a family as such.
I realised the other day, that now I’ve changed my last name back to my maiden name, I will never share a last name with my children/grandchildren. Ever.

I know i may sound selfish, because I have a lot of family around me. I just don’t feel that I’m truly part of any it.

OP posts:
Laila747 · 18/12/2019 11:16

Looks like I don’t belong here either! Confused

OP posts:
sadwithkiddies · 18/12/2019 11:21

I don't either Laila.
My own family are useless...I last heard from my mother in September. She lives 10 mins away.
Since ex left I've heard nothing from his family - despite our children remaining home with me 😤.
My friends are great- but out of school times they are busy with their families.
I have never been so aware of just how alone I am in the world.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 18/12/2019 11:22

So sorry you are feeling like this. Relationships failing do make life very messy and people take sides. Hope you can have relationships with good friends. As for the others, thay may come round

Paythosebitchesnomind269 · 18/12/2019 11:25

Same, I don't fit into our family. Hugs

Milsplus3 · 18/12/2019 11:59

Same for me too, I’ve always been the black sheep and now as a single mum my family still don’t care or pay my children attention, I’m completely alone and have to watch my children play happy families with new step mum and her family.
Remember you have your children and that will always be what counts Flowers

JohnLewisIain · 18/12/2019 12:10

Flowers. I have similar family dynamics. It isn’t you, it’s them. Not that that helps.

CakeandCustard28 · 18/12/2019 12:40

I feel the same. I don’t fit into my own family, I don’t speak to my dads side of the family as they’re quite frankly arseholes (my cousin announced her pregnancy to me and the family on the day of my children’s funeral to be a spiteful cow)
I don’t fit in my mums side either. I’m not close to my brother and only get on with two of the in laws. I don’t even have the same last name as my children.. I’ve chalked it up to it just being part of life. My friends have eventually ended up as a family. Big hugs OP.

thesuninsagittarius · 18/12/2019 12:45

wanted to send hugs to everyone. It's horrible to feel that you're always on the outside of things. I'm one of three siblings and I was always the one left out. Now I'm divorced and ex has remarried, our children are all in their 20s and I'm, well, alone. I'm no one's priority and no one thinks of me unless they want something. I've recently started having CBT and I think it's really going to help me find 'me' again and help me regain my sense of place in the world.
I spent my birthday alone, and it's things like this that have made me realise I need to be more selfish.
I'm tired of making other people a priority when all I am to them is an option.

Laila747 · 18/12/2019 14:51

I’m sorry to read that other people are made to feel like this too. It’s really horrible to feel like you’re on the outside all the time. I feel guilty that my DP has lost contact with certain family members because of me. Although he says it’s their fault, not mine, it still hurts.
Hugs to everyone 💐

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