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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas Lunch

25 replies

mcmen05 · 17/12/2019 22:51

The past 2 weeks myself and a colleague half my age where to go for lunch but the day before she has cancelled. I treat her like one off my daughters so we get on very well know everything about each other.
Last week she said I like your jumper and I just replied I had it set out ready for our lunch but was let down she roared at me in front off 2 other colleagues right then we wont go for lunch next week either.
I said fair enough and went back to my own office.
Monday came and she came into me your very quite today. I said I'm just busy.
She said are we going for lunch Friday
I replied thought you didn't want to she replied j was just joking.
This girl knows I am very sensitive and do not like plans changing
I really do not want to go for lunch Friday but don't want a bad atmosphere at work.
How can I say no nicely when I am so annoyed.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2019 22:54

Why did she cancel?

You sound a bit like a drama queen, to be totally honest.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 17/12/2019 23:16

I wouldn’t go with her any more. She sounds like the drama queen here.

Original poster
mcmen05 · 17/12/2019 23:26

@blacks thanks she sure is a drama queen. Likes an audience and been every ones friend.
She had no reason not to go other than wanting to keep her money for drink at the weekend.
I am so mad.
I am just overly nice to her always there to listen.
She had left work for a couple off months as wasn't getting her own way asked me to try and help her get job back when she didn't like her new job and I did .

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/12/2019 23:27

You both sound pretty immature, tbh.
She told you the day before she couldn't make lunch - what's the big deal ? Why did you need to be so rude about it afterwards ? Confused

PurpleDaisies · 18/12/2019 07:59

I would be really interested to hear her side of this story.

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/12/2019 08:01

Treat her like a daughter? You both sound 15

Rose789 · 18/12/2019 08:05

Yabu.
A work colleague had to cancel lunch for the following day. You were passive aggressive about the jumper.
You say she just wanted to spend her money on drink at the weekend. It’s Christmas! If I have nights out planned I probably wouldn’t want to spend money on a lunch with colleague just because they had laid out a nice jumper.
Go on Friday and a have a lovely time

Glitteryone · 18/12/2019 08:09

Exactly what Rose789 said!!!!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/12/2019 08:11

You sound ... difficult. She gave you a day's notice, didn't just dump you without warning! And "I am very sensitive, don't like plans changing" rings alarm bells! Does that mean no-one is allowed to cancel anything, ever, for fear of upsetting you? I wouldn't ever make plans with you under those conditions!

BalsamicVin · 18/12/2019 08:11

Bloody hell! What drama over nothing.

She cancelled but your reaction was very childish

You sound like a teenager

OldEvilOwl · 18/12/2019 08:42

Sounds like you need to take a step back. She's not your daughter, she's a colleague, and can do what she likes

DeathStare · 18/12/2019 09:01

Last week she said I like your jumper and I just replied I had it set out ready for our lunch but was let down

Wow. What a bitchy thing to say. You are being a complete drama-queen.

DeathStare · 18/12/2019 09:03

This girl knows I am very sensitive and do not like plans changing

Tough shit. Other people's lives do not revolve around your sensitivities. Stop being so self-involved. And the fact you have then punished her for this is petty and nasty

foodiefil · 18/12/2019 09:08

Sounds like you rely on her more than she relies on you.

Doubt she'd be starting a thread about it. She probably hasn't given it another thought.

I'd maybe back away from this one. And maybe think about why you grew to rely on her as much. What's your relationship like with your own daughters? #armchairpsychologist

AllergicToAMop · 18/12/2019 09:10

What type of office job do you work in?

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 18/12/2019 09:14

Oh my god, get a grip. This is a total non-issue.

BalsamicVin · 18/12/2019 09:15

"She had no reason not to go other than wanting to keep her money for drink at the weekend."

Excuse me but who on earth are you to be policing what she spends her money on?!

Get over yourself

Dixiechickonhols · 18/12/2019 09:20

Why did you say that about being let down?! So odd. She’d cancelled day before not left you sitting in cafe as a no show. Not sure what roared means in an office but I can imagine she was cross with you. Plans change especially at this busy time of year.

Teachermaths · 18/12/2019 09:23

Drama llama alert. (you not her).

loobyloo1234 · 18/12/2019 09:23

Dear oh dear OP. You're definitely the drama queen here

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2019 09:24

Why were you so passive aggressive/bitchy about the jumper. She cancelled and re arranged. And then she paid you a compliment and uou had a go.

Honestly your behavuour is quite unpleasant

Arthritica · 18/12/2019 09:26

You’ve made a huge fuss over nothing.

dottiedodah · 18/12/2019 09:27

I think you are possibly crossing a boundary here TBH. She is a colleague of yours NOT a daughter Im afraid! I think maybe sometimes a big age gap doesnt matter ,but here you seem to have become over invested in this young woman .How old are your daughters ?Are they able to meet up with you at all? I have a friend quite a bit older ,whose daughter works and so its nice to go out ,however if she /I cancel its no big deal .

jellycatspyjamas · 18/12/2019 09:29

She’s not a girl, or your daughter - you both work together, I’ve no idea why her being half your age is relevant. If you don’t want to go for lunch, just say you can’t make it. If you’re playing games because she didn’t buy into your passive aggressive nonsense, get over yourself.

She cancelled lunch plans, it’s not a hanging offence - either go with her next week or not.

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2019 09:40

Are you under the impression she owes you in some way, so she's not allowed to cancel on you, she has to do exactly as you wish? Not just because you've helped her, but because you're older?

Because your attitude is all kinds of wrong.

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