mcmen05 · 17/12/2019 22:51
The past 2 weeks myself and a colleague half my age where to go for lunch but the day before she has cancelled. I treat her like one off my daughters so we get on very well know everything about each other.
Last week she said I like your jumper and I just replied I had it set out ready for our lunch but was let down she roared at me in front off 2 other colleagues right then we wont go for lunch next week either.
I said fair enough and went back to my own office.
Monday came and she came into me your very quite today. I said I'm just busy.
She said are we going for lunch Friday
I replied thought you didn't want to she replied j was just joking.
This girl knows I am very sensitive and do not like plans changing
I really do not want to go for lunch Friday but don't want a bad atmosphere at work.
How can I say no nicely when I am so annoyed.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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mcmen05 · 17/12/2019 23:26
@blacks thanks she sure is a drama queen. Likes an audience and been every ones friend.
She had no reason not to go other than wanting to keep her money for drink at the weekend.
I am so mad.
I am just overly nice to her always there to listen.
She had left work for a couple off months as wasn't getting her own way asked me to try and help her get job back when she didn't like her new job and I did .
Rose789 · 18/12/2019 08:05
A work colleague had to cancel lunch for the following day. You were passive aggressive about the jumper.
You say she just wanted to spend her money on drink at the weekend. It’s Christmas! If I have nights out planned I probably wouldn’t want to spend money on a lunch with colleague just because they had laid out a nice jumper.
Go on Friday and a have a lovely time
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/12/2019 08:11
You sound ... difficult. She gave you a day's notice, didn't just dump you without warning! And "I am very sensitive, don't like plans changing" rings alarm bells! Does that mean no-one is allowed to cancel anything, ever, for fear of upsetting you? I wouldn't ever make plans with you under those conditions!
foodiefil · 18/12/2019 09:08
Sounds like you rely on her more than she relies on you.
Doubt she'd be starting a thread about it. She probably hasn't given it another thought.
I'd maybe back away from this one. And maybe think about why you grew to rely on her as much. What's your relationship like with your own daughters? #armchairpsychologist
Dixiechickonhols · 18/12/2019 09:20
Why did you say that about being let down?! So odd. She’d cancelled day before not left you sitting in cafe as a no show. Not sure what roared means in an office but I can imagine she was cross with you. Plans change especially at this busy time of year.
dottiedodah · 18/12/2019 09:27
I think you are possibly crossing a boundary here TBH. She is a colleague of yours NOT a daughter Im afraid! I think maybe sometimes a big age gap doesnt matter ,but here you seem to have become over invested in this young woman .How old are your daughters ?Are they able to meet up with you at all? I have a friend quite a bit older ,whose daughter works and so its nice to go out ,however if she /I cancel its no big deal .
jellycatspyjamas · 18/12/2019 09:29
She’s not a girl, or your daughter - you both work together, I’ve no idea why her being half your age is relevant. If you don’t want to go for lunch, just say you can’t make it. If you’re playing games because she didn’t buy into your passive aggressive nonsense, get over yourself.
She cancelled lunch plans, it’s not a hanging offence - either go with her next week or not.
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