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To worry about my parents

19 replies

Foxes157 · 17/12/2019 22:24

I saw my dad today, I stopped and waved to him. He asked me if I had a new car, I've had it 4 years and is very distinctive.

My mum has just rang me twice in the last 30 minutes in about the same thing

Im not ready for offering them this level of care. They are only both circa 70.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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malfoylovespotter · 17/12/2019 22:28

What exactly do you mean by 'this level of care'?

Clearly they are having some memory issues. How about supporting them through that? Unless there's more to this story then YABU.


Foxes157 · 17/12/2019 22:31

I'm prepared to help them,of course But they are so young to be both suffering with this.

I'm not ready for my parents to get old when they are nowhere near elderly in today's ages

OP posts:

pumpandthump · 17/12/2019 22:33

So young to be suffering from what? Do they have a diagnosis?


ssd · 17/12/2019 22:34

No one's ready to see their parents get old. But we get no choice.


MarilynMorose · 17/12/2019 22:35

Xmas Hmm YABU Gin


Foxes157 · 17/12/2019 22:37

But they aren't elderly, my mum isn't even 70

They haven't any diagnosis yet and probably not at the stage but it's distressing to realise you're dad didn't recognise you. And my mum is anxious about something very minor

OP posts:

Horsepants · 17/12/2019 22:38

My friend who is in her late 30s asked me on more than 2 occasions if I had a new car. I've had it 2 years! It doesn't mean anything. Did you clean it? Grin


DeathStare · 17/12/2019 22:44

OP ignore everyone suggesting this is meaningless. You know YOUR parents. You know if this is unusual for them. It might be worth talking to the GP. Please do bear in mind though that even if this is what you are fearing they may still be able to live independently for a long time yet. I feel for you


OneTooManyBathtimes · 17/12/2019 22:44

For me, I had an idea my nan had Dementia when she phoned me up 3 days in a row and had the exact same conversation with me, word for word. That was 2 years ago, she died in September (not from dementia I might add, but from cancer they found after her dementia diagnosis)
I would maybe try and see a Dr just in case. The quicker something like this gets spotted, the easier it is to help put into place the help they need. Sadly, by the time it really started to show in my nan (when she phoned me up) it was too late. She had been dealing with it for at least 4 years, but just passed it off as being forgetful. I don't think my dad or his siblings had much of an idea as she was so independent.


Hoghgyni · 17/12/2019 22:48

18 years ago my MIL was diagnosed with leukaemia. Last month we had to find a care home for her due to her multiple health needs including dementia. We have tried so hard to keep her in her own home, but it's impossible. She is 72.

10 years ago my FIL had a cardiac arrest which has left him unable to walk unaided,. He has been fighting chronic leukaemia for the past 3 or 4 years. He is 71.

Both of my own parents had major heart surgery in their late 60s/early 70s. Meanwhile my nephew was born with life threatening health issues and every day we have with him is a bonus.

I'm sorry that your parents appear to be developing health issues. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to watch the people you love deteriorating. YANBU to rage against the unfairness of it all. Please try to get them to seek help sooner rather than later as there are things you can do to maintain or improve their quality of life.


Foxes157 · 17/12/2019 22:55

Thanks for those with kind words. It's so hard. I'll get them to speak to the doctor.

I'm more worried about my Dad. It was totally like he didn't recognise me, I'm waving madly. I actually questioned at first whether I'd honked a random person. Despite he was walking up his road and had his mannerisms and gait.

OP posts:

Papergirl1968 · 17/12/2019 22:59

It’s not that your dad didn’t recognise you, he didn’t recognise your car.
It may be something or nothing but it would be a big coincidence if both of them suddenly started showing signs of dementia at a relatively young age.
It’s christmas, they probably have a lot on their minds - cards, presents, food shopping etc. Or perhaps they’ve had a little tipple.
The other possibility is that one or both of them have something like a urine infection, again it would be surprising if both have.
Or is there any possibility they’ve been exposed to carbon monoxide from a faulty appliance?
My Dm is 86 and has dementia, and I understand that feeling of not being able to cope, but you do because you have to. We’re several years in, she’s ok, lives independently with support from family, a cleaner and a someone who helps with meals.
I hope it turns out to be nothing.
I’d just be vigilant for a few days and see how they go.


Papergirl1968 · 17/12/2019 23:00

Sorry, just saw your update re the car.


LissJas · 17/12/2019 23:01

It's odd to be happening to both at the same time. It might be worth checking out their gas safety in the house. Leaking gas can cause dementia-like symptoms.


moanyhole · 17/12/2019 23:02

Could it be his sight?


WorldEndingFire · 17/12/2019 23:22

Hope everything turns out to be okay with your parents. Just a caution that dementia doesn't wait until you're very old, a friend lost her other to it who was only in her late 40s.


Craftycorvid · 17/12/2019 23:28

Sorry it’s so worrying for you. Do you think they might both have something preying on their minds you don’t know about? That can make people distracted. (I’ve just spent this afternoon convinced today is Thursday and I’m nowhere near 70, I’m just currently a bit distracted and out of my routine). Were these isolated incidents or are your folks giving you other cause for concern?


Segrey · 18/12/2019 15:58

Hard to say if YABU or not. Is this an isolated incident?


HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 18/12/2019 16:01

It could indeed be the start of dementia or normal age related memory problems. But I always say to people when there are sudden things like this; encourage them to be checked for water infections; they can cause older people to become very confused in a similar way to early dementia.

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