I honestly don’t know if I’ve been unreasonable.
I’m an expat right now and I put a semi-funny thread on an expat site, saying I’d like to meet new people. Quite a few people responded and we all got together for a cup of coffee yesterday (Monday). It went well; hoorah. So many kind people. Here’s the problem.
One person WhatsApped me outside the group (we had planned this outing through a WhatsApp group, which I organized) last week. I thought that was fine; a few people had texted me to get added to the group and some sent follow-up messages, so not odd. We exchanged a few messages, he said he was lonely and needed new friends too, and I said I’d see him with the group on Monday. But then, this man phoned me on Friday night (I was eating dinner and didn’t pick up). I asked if it had been an accidental dial and he said yes. Then on Sunday, he sent a text saying, “Can you call me?” I felt uncomfortable calling someone I’ve never met before, and have no history even talking to (I don’t know this man, have never met him, only heard from him the first time a week ago), so I asked if he was all right and said I’d see him with the group on Monday. Then he didn’t come on Monday because he said he was too shy.
So I offered to get coffee with him on Tuesday (today). By this morning, however, I was feeling too ill (I have a chronic illness). I texted, cancelling and apologizing, saying I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to reschedule. He responded asking if we could reschedule for Wednesday (the next day). I said that was unlikely. He texted again asking how I was while I was sleeping and when I didn’t respond again, he tried phoning me again (I didn’t pick up as I was asleep).
At this point, I was feeling very uncomfortable, and told him he was being a bit intrusive, I felt maybe I wasn’t the best new friend for him, especially as I’m not feeling well now. I felt guilty after that, and then offered to message the men in our expat group to see if one of them could maybe text him and meet him for coffee. He said, “Yes, thank you,” I’ve messaged them, and that’s it. Done.
But AIBU? Was he being intrusive? Would you have felt strange about it? Or is he just a normal lonely person and I overreacted as I’ve had a few bad experiences (stalker in the past)?
I feel horribly guilty as it’s awful being lonely, but I also felt quite uncomfortable. I just don’t know.
YABU - His behavior was fine. You should have just let him phone you.
YANBU - It sounds like he was crossing the line, and you handled it correctly.