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Knickers for Secret Santa?!

23 replies

getmeouttahere2019 · 17/12/2019 19:36

Name changed for this as my be outing.
In short, my otherwise lovely DP has bought for his Secret Santa a pair of knickers.
I haven't seen these knickers, I saw the delivery note in the kitchen bin. The were described on the note and apparently have some phrase on them with the word 'lick' in.
So clearly they are not sexy knickers and a bit of a joke but AIBU to find this so upsetting?
The recipient is someone I know, we work for the same company but not in the same dept but I do know her to say to. DP has also known her for some time but she's new to his dept.
He always says she's sex mad, a bit highly strung and regularly speaks of her sex life etc so certainly isnt shy.
I am so gutted that he's done this!
I feel embarrassed that my boyfriend thinks this is ok ( he totally can't see my issue ) says he wouldn't touch her with a barge pole blah blah but honestly what would possess him to sit and think of secret Santa ideas and head to an underwear website ffs?!?
Am I over reacting here? I've told him I think it's disrespectful and I'm not happy.
He said 'he's sorry that I think the secret Santa gift is out of order' and that he won't give them but as they are exchanging gifts tomorrow she'll have nothing. Apparently the mug he ordered hasn't arrived?! Fuck knows what he's had printed on that!

OP posts:
myself2020 · 17/12/2019 19:40

Depends what the norm in the office is. would be perfectly normal here

reginafelangee · 17/12/2019 19:43

Phenomenally inappropriate for the workplace and your relationship.

SquashedOrange · 17/12/2019 19:45

I bloody hate Secret Santa! Awful gift, I'd be pissed off too.

TidyDancer · 17/12/2019 19:46

This wouldn't be inappropriate in my workplace tbh but it really does depend on the office dynamic. Incidentally, one of the women in the office bought a pair of pants for one of the men in this years secret Santa.

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/12/2019 19:46

As myself2020 said, it depends on the office. I've worked in places where the limit was a fiver, and "edible" and jokey underwear was fine.

getmeouttahere2019 · 17/12/2019 19:47

@myself2020 I dare say it would be normal in my office but im here as the partner of the buyer and I just don't feel it's very respectful towards our relationship. Especially when there a fair chance everyone will suss out who got who what?!

OP posts:
TheClausSeason · 17/12/2019 19:51

He can't give her nothing! Send him out to the shops, OP. ASDA and the like have reasonable gift ranges.

getmeouttahere2019 · 17/12/2019 19:52

I think if it was a different recipient I'd see the joke, old Maggie with the wonky glasses and coffee breath but no, it just happens to be office sex siren ffs.

OP posts:
OneDay10 · 17/12/2019 19:58

absolutely bloody disrespectful of him. I would feel sorry for you that he humiliates you in this way. He is clearly into her even though he says he isnt. if he respected you this would not have even entered his mind. even worse, is that you work there!

Strongmummy · 17/12/2019 20:00

YANBU, it’s inappropriate and disrespectful to both her and you. He’s a prat

MrsMozartMkII · 17/12/2019 20:05

Yikes. He could very likely get hauled up for that one.

Floogle · 17/12/2019 20:05

Sounds normal for my office too. I think you need to work out wether your issue is with the actual gift itself or just because it's for that woman in particular. I think YABU to say it would be okay if it was 'old Maggie' but not somebody you think he might fancy.

HellonHeels · 17/12/2019 20:05

So he says she's 'sex mad, ... wouldn't touch her with a barge pole' etc.

Well, 1. he clearly does fancy her and 2. he is disrespectful, to you and to her.

DameSylvieKrin · 17/12/2019 20:07

In many offices that would be sexual harassment.

StinkyWizleteets · 17/12/2019 20:07

He’d have to be careful it wasn’t construed as sexual harassment. I get that lots of offices have sexual banter but I’d say that had the potential to cross the line.

Northernsoullover · 17/12/2019 20:08

Bloody hell are you sure he won't end up on a disciplinary? That is so inappropriate. I got a pair of Totes Toasties from a Male colleague many moons ago. Much more acceptable

Lulualla · 17/12/2019 20:09

Someone bought me liquid latex for a secret Santa once because I had an "artistic" bandage photograph in my flat. On a other occasion o was given a fire extinguisher because there was a long running joke of how best to get rid of one night stands, and we all decided that using a fire extinguisher to extinguish them out the door was the way to go.
So underwear would be totally normal in that workplace.

But in other places I've worked, nice candles were the standard gift. Sex-joke knickers would not have gone down well there.

Lulualla · 17/12/2019 20:10


ANiceLuxury · 17/12/2019 20:12

I would not be happy with this.

In fact i cant think of anyone who would think this was appropriate

hazeydays14 · 17/12/2019 20:14

If it’s edible underwear I’d roll my eyes but not be too mad
If it’s actual sexy underwear I wouldn’t see the joke

Sexual gifts are fairly common in my work. Apparently I was going to receive something sexual as my (not so secret Santa) but luckily a friend talked him out of it by suggesting my being in a relationship was inappropriate. I never talk about my sex life or anything so not sure where the idea came from.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 17/12/2019 20:14

Inapproriate and disrespectful to you (if not her), YNBU Confused Would count as sexual harassment where I work.

getmeouttahere2019 · 17/12/2019 20:15

It's not the work place ethic I'm bothered about, I could see the same sort of thing happening in my office and I doubt there will be repercussions tbh, I just don't like the fact that my DP is the buyer in this case. It's pissed me off no end

OP posts:
Yetanotherwinter · 17/12/2019 20:22

@GoodDogBellaBoo it’s the same where I work. He would be in trouble for doing something so inappropriate.

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