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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being paranoid?

14 replies

Foxglove85 · 17/12/2019 11:12

NC because I’m paranoid about outing!

I think I keep reading threads on here about cheating husbands and it’s making me paranoid, but wanted to get other people’s opinion on this.

Been with DH for 11 years. Have had ups and downs but generally happy. Sex life is good from my point of view and sex drives pretty equally matched. I caught DH lying a couple of times early on in our relationship, nothing big, but for example he didn’t tell me that he’d played strip poker at a house party with friends on a night when he’d been ignoring my calls. It came out years later when his friends were reminiscing about it in front of me.

So skip to the last few months. We had an argument and I left to drive to my parents with our DC. We were all meant to go on this trip, but because of the argument my DH stayed home. When I got back home (and me and DH had made up) I was having a bath with DC and noticed a bar of DH’s soap in the bath rack. Now he never gets baths. I can think of maybe 4 times he has had baths and it’s been with me.

I asked him about it and he said he just wanted to treat himself/was bored/why not. He didn’t appear panicked by the questioning and his behaviour when I got back and everything else in the house seemed normal.

I’ll be honest - I have slight form for being paranoid. He doesn’t have form for lying (apart from those blips when he was about 21!) or cheating. But would that make anyone else think something was up?

OP posts:

Krazynights34 · 17/12/2019 11:15

Erm... not by itself.
If it’s literally just that, then no.
I’d probably do different things if DH was away - like stay up listening to music for instance (or take a bath if I had one).

HowlsMovingBungalow · 17/12/2019 11:15

He had a bath.

The end.

ohwheniknow · 17/12/2019 11:17

Considering you started your post by telling us you're paranoid about being outed, I'm inclined to say the issue is your paranoia.

HanginWithMyGnomies · 17/12/2019 11:19

He had a bath... do you think he managed to hook up with someone magically after you flounced, lured them round to the marital home and into the bath to share his soap? Oh the romance.

Marleyisme · 17/12/2019 11:20

OP I am sorry, but I think you need to seek some support.

You remembered years later a night where he was with friends and didnt answer your calls and consider it bad that he didnt tell you he played strip poker with his friends?

Now questioning why he had a bath and putting these thing together and thinking he is cheating.

You sound paranoid and this wont get better on it's own.

Original poster

Foxglove85 · 17/12/2019 11:21

Ok this is a good start and I’m laughing reading these responses. I think I need to steer clear of the MN affair threads...! Hadn’t given it a thought since I asked him about it and now I’ve been thinking about it all morning - poor man!

OP posts:

HanginWithMyGnomies · 17/12/2019 11:25

At least you can laugh at yourself @Foxglove85. Well taken on the chin 😂

Original poster

Foxglove85 · 17/12/2019 11:38

@hangin your response is a personal favourite!

@Marleyisme the night was only remembered because his friends were reminiscing and we unpicked it together and realised it was when he was on holiday and we had nearly broken up a few days before.

But yes, I’m ready to accept that I’m letting paranoia get the better of me in this scenario! Rest assured I haven’t packed his bags for his bathtime antics just yet

OP posts:

BlueJava · 17/12/2019 11:59

He had a bath, perhaps he was a bit bored or wanted to relax. That sounds the extent of it.

CakeandCustard28 · 17/12/2019 12:04

You’re paranoid because he had a bath? What? Sounds like the problems lie with you and not him. You sound extremely insecure.

Marleyisme · 17/12/2019 12:42

the night was only remembered because his friends were reminiscing and we unpicked it together and realised it was when he was on holiday and we had nearly broken up a few days before.

And what? Who remembers every argument and exact timing of it, and still bothered by this years later? It obviously does bother you have used it an example of his lying.

He was on holiday with friends and having a laugh and yet you seemed annoyed he ignored your phone calls. Unless it was an emergency, I dont see the issue. I wouldn't even call that a lie.

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2019 12:46

Original poster

Foxglove85 · 17/12/2019 13:08

...I’m not bothered by it? I was using it as an example of the fact he doesn’t have a strong history of lying?! Even referring to it as ‘nothing big’. And yes, when there was the awkward occasion with his friends I did feel hurt because the knowledge that he hadn’t been getting back to me but had been getting naked in a house with 15 men and women was hurtful. He knew this would cross the boundaries of our relationship, which is why he wouldn’t tell me. Anyway, this is very irrelevant because that isn’t even what this was about! It’s not something that’s been spoken about for years and I only thought about it today as an example of him NOT being a regular and big liar!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2019 13:44

Op, honestly this isn't normal. You've clearly got some issues, and may need to seek help to over come them.

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