Narcissistic mother

[Pixxie7]

To cut a long story short. Although I was slow on the uptake I have decided to withdraw from my narcissistic mother for my own sanity.

Every year she expects to go to my both of my daughters one on Xmas day and one on Boxing Day. She also goes to my brothers one day.
My eldest is married and laid back and is ok with it. However my other daughter is single and obviously has a life of her own.
Apparently she has decided this year that she where she will be going and when. My younger daughter has contacted me asking me to go to hers the same day as she is finding her difficult to cope with.
For the record I am happy to spend Xmas on my own. However I am annoyed that my mother has essentially made it so I can’t see either of my daughters over Xmas unless she is there.
I have felt so much better since withdrawing from her but should I go to my daughters anyway. Please help.

Go to your daughters if you want, but also tell your daughter it’s okay to tell toxic grandma to GTF. If you don’t want to be around her, don’t go. Explain to daughter that you can’t for your own mental health. You would love to help out, but it may make toxic grandma’s behaviour worse.

I think you need to go for your daughters sake. She's asking for help because she's struggling and I think you need to listen to that.

Also agree she should tell her to GTF though!

Oh, I am so in sympathy with you pixxie7. I have just returned home from a family lunch having been punished for not inviting my narcissistic mother to me this Xmas. I've had the usual humiliation, criticism, and put-downs today with an obvious intent to make me look failure and inept. It happens more so when I have a happy story to tell, or I am feeling positive about life. My close relationship with my two adult children cripples her. It's heartbreaking to come away feeling so hurt and unloved. I know its a mental illness she had yet this doesn't stop me feeling wounded. I get by with it all by doing things to suit myself, putting my needs first and feeling sympathy for her bitter twisted mind. I take comfort knowing that I have an A1 relationship with my own children. The damage its done over the years to me is hard to swallow but research into this helps a lot. I think daughters of narcissistic mothers have a hole in their soul that lingers despite everything. Its about switching focus and looking for good things. I wish I had the strength to disconnect totally from her as you have, she has not good health so I am torn on what to do

Is your daughter brave enough to tell granny to not come? Or could you invite your dd to yours so granny can’t impose herself?

Ithaca26@ I have only taken the decision this year I know about being torn but decided that at that the end of the day we all only have one shot at life and your life is just as important.

Cherrysoup@ if it was only that easy I don’t think my mother has realised yet she is self obsessed. However my other daughter has suggested that she has her and for my other daughter to come if she wants or just do her own thing.

Thank you both.