Ex's other woman coming into my house while I'm away

[notjustamother]

AIBU - ex (split 5 months ago) had the kids for a few days while I went away, he also had our family dog (all at other woman's house with whom he had an affair)

I left him with everything kids needed but a key to the house for dog to let her in during day when she was left when he worked.

AIBU that other woman came into my house alone to get dog and went upstairs with my child to 'see' bedroom. I have since noticed that an item of my babies clothing is missing that she brought right after the split and then had sent back to me - her clothing is kept in my wardrobe. I really feel uncomfortable about this but not sure if it's just me being over sensitive. There have been a few things this other woman has done that i feel is to get my attention and to wind me up. So far it's been petty so I've ignored it but I don't like the idea now of them having a key as they often know when I'm out however ex is the only person I can rely on to have dog and Im meant to be going away over Xmas and need him to watch dog again.

Make it an urgent priority to find good alternative care for the dog, even if you have to pay.

Take back the key.

Change the lock barrels in case they've had them copied.

This situation is intolerable.

You have to get someone else to help with the dog. Is there anyone?

You are definitely NOT being over-sensitive; it is a horrible feeling thinking someone has been looking through your stuff.

Change the locks.
Put your dog in kennels/day care, or ask Ex to look after the dog at his house, and you deliver.

If theres no one else to look after the dog and/or you cant afford to change locks then put a lock on your bedroom door, short term fix but better then nothing.

I have also noticed a couple of other things missing - a car cleaner liquid that to be fair was exs but just seems petty to take. Also the kids advent calendars were taken since he hadn't bothered to buy kids one and only one has come back (her dog ate two) so I've had to replace those, muddy footprints on the rug where they haven't bothered to dry dogs feet etc just no respect. I left the house immaculate (had a child free day before flight so put it to good use!) hence why I have noticed these things.

I am not sure who I could get to have dog - my close friends have their own dogs and my normal dog sitter (brother) is coming with me! I refuse to put her in kennels she wouldn't cope she likes her home comforts and is used to company and me being home a lot. I also don't have loads of money since he's not paid maintenance and I will need money to go away with and with Xmas etc I'm already on a tight budget.

So if your Ex moved away or passed away what would you do.

I wouldn't have my Ex who cheated on me I
my house once we were over and done...never mind his AP (affair partner)

@SandyY2K in those situations I would have booked a pet sitter in advance and had the money put aside, when I went away this time I would never of dreamt he would of let the other woman drop the dog let alone go upstairs. It was to literally let the dog in and pick her up again, he wouldn't even need to come into the house he could call her from the porch and she would run over. He has refused to have the kids at mine when we first split (before I knew about affair) because he feels so uncomfortable in the house so I didn't think he would come in.

Why can’t the dog stay at hers when he’s at work so your house is out of bounds whilst you’re away.

She already had a dog - don't want to leave them both alone whilst out

It was probably his shame preventing him from being in the house.

It seems like, the OW is jointly looking after the dog with him when you're away.

Yes and I don't mind that - she is also jointly looking after the kids. What I do mind is her coming into my house and going through my stuff... imagine if I waked into their bedroom and started rifling through the wardrobe....

Can you lock the bedroom doors and any other rooms the dog doesnt need access to?

my close friends have their own dogs

Do your dog & theirs know each other?
If there are no aggression or acceptance problems, would this not be ideal?

My chum & I take each other's dogs regularly. It's a great mutual arrangement - the dogs are happy & have constant company & walks, & the humans know there is a reliable chum who will reciprocate at the drop of a hat.

Oh & btw YANBU.
Change the locks, & never give Ex or OW cause to enter your house without you in it again. You shouldn't have to live with that discomfort - & if OW IS trying to bait you, best to get the opportunities to do so closed down.

Use Rover.com they do pet sitters

You need a lock on your bedroom door. Take a photo of the shut door/frame and go to your DIY store. You need something small you can padlock shut. Show the photo to an assistant if you can't see what you need. Or if you are good with DIY fit a lock and key.