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AIBU?

To want to refrain from sexual contact while dh has a coldsore?

13 replies

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2019 23:01

Ive had coldsores myself in the past so have the virus anyways.

But I absoloutley do not want an outbreak, nor do I want to risk the virus spreading elsewhere on my body.

Dh seems to think that as I have the virus I won't actually catch a cold sore. But urgh the thought of it.

It's scabbed over now, but honestly the thought of doing anything remotely sexually is just not appealing.

He has been run down for weeks - bad cold and chest and now this so we are both feeling a little tetchy at the length of time it's been since we've had sex but I'm adamant it will not be happening yet.

What s a few more days if it saves my fanny from this curse!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

56 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
21%
You are NOT being unreasonable
79%
justasking111 · 16/12/2019 23:11

missionary position and no kissing anywhere?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2019 23:14

missionary position and no kissing anywhere?

I'd rather not bother.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 16/12/2019 23:19

You can choose whether or not to have sex for any reason, so YANBU.

I've no idea if a 'live' outbreak is likely to result in an outbreak for you though- hopefully more knowledgeable posters can tell you.

Rombocious · 16/12/2019 23:19

That's enough then. You don't want to so don't.

Skyecat · 16/12/2019 23:29

If you already have an established oral hsv1 infection then the virus will only travel within dermatones above the waist. You don't need to worry about having a genital outbreak, unless, when you were initially infected both orally and genitally simultaneously. It's possible his oral outbreak could trigger an oral outbreak for you.

I would only be cautious about sex with your dh if he had oral hsv2 (very uncommon), rather than oral hsv1.

Hope that makes sense and puts your mind at rest.

diamondsandrose · 16/12/2019 23:36

So do you mean if he has a mouth cold sore, this cannot transfer to you "below the waist" if ( in theory) it was to go down there ?

DancingPyjamas · 16/12/2019 23:51

Yes, it can transfer from mouth to down there.

Rumplestrumpet · 17/12/2019 00:02

I don't understand why you'd not let your genitals touch if he has a coldsore on his mouth?

Make sure his mouth doesn't touch anywhere you could catch it (so no kissing your mouth or face, no kissing your genitals and avoid other soft tissue areas.) To be on the safe side, just tell him not to kiss you anywhere.
But I don't understand why that would prevent you having sex?

LiquoricePickle · 17/12/2019 00:12

Do not let him go down on you. You can catch hsv2 that way. Personally, I'd just wait.

Skyecat · 17/12/2019 00:15

OK, there are some (US) studies which suggest that the virus can appear on another part of the body, but that this is very unlikely (perhaps with people with a compromised immune system for example).

It is, however, quite common for hsv to appear in a slightly different location to the usual outbreak site. If you usually have outbreaks on your lip, one may appear on your nose.

@DancingPyjamas To be clear, if someone has an oral hsv1 infection and performs oral sex on someone without a prior oral or genital hsv1 infection, then there is a risk of the virus being transmitted with or without symptoms. In fact, NHS stars show the majority of genital herpes infections are now caused by hsv1, in other words oral sex.

Skyecat · 17/12/2019 00:21

@LiquoricePickle the op's dh cannot transmit hsv2 if he does not already have it.

If used to be thought that hsv1 only appeared on the face, and hsv2 only on the genitals, but this is widely acknowledged not to be the case anymore. Hsv1 and hsv2 can both occur anywhere on the body and hsv1 is the most common type for oral infections, and genital infections.

justilou1 · 17/12/2019 00:46

I wouldn’t be interested either.... Having said that, I’m menopausal, and I’d rather have a cup of tea and read a book.

aurynne · 17/12/2019 01:33

Both my DH and I get cold sores occassionally. I get them less often but take longer than his to heal, he gets them more frequently but his heal in 2-3 days. I generally feel so anxious of getting an ourbreak mysself (mine take about 2 weeks to disappear!) that there is no way I could even think about sex while either I or he have one.

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