Feel low in her priority

[TheOrigFV45]

Been trying to arrange getting together with MIL over Xmas. Last msg from her says "things are tight as I'm doing [her volunteer work] but am free for a couple of hours on 21st or 22nd".

I feel like replying "don't bother".
My son is her grandson. They live 20 mins away.

Do you really expect her to cancel all her plans - and as she is volunteering her actual commitments - to be available to suit your mood?

Do you not believe she’s actually busy?

Isn't it up to your OH to make these arrangements with his mother and child?

Imagine your OH feeling it is his job to facilitate meetings with your mother and your son.

Faintly ridiculous.

What's wrong with that? How long did you want to see her for?
Christmas is a busy time for everyone, you know.
Also, you chose to be a parent. She did not choose to be a grandmother. You have no right to expect her to put your child above everything else in her life,.just because you think that's what grandparents should do

So she is willing to make time and you are cross?

Why are people so fucking entitled these days?

@speakout judgy much! You don't know the background to this set up at all.

FYI, I am the sole point of contact between my son and his paternal grandmother and if it wasn't for me they wouldn't have a relationship as DS' dad and his mother are not on speaking terms. That would be a crying shame as DS' grandmother is a very much loved person in his life.

consider yourself lucky

She's busy. She suggested a day. What's the problem with that?

Fair enough, IABU.
I prioritise seeing my family over the Christmas period, but obv that's not the case for most. I just thought "arrange to see grandson" would have been something she would like to do. I feel squeezed in among things of higher priority.

If she can’t do that day then she won’t see her grandson, I don’t see what the problem is

Her son (my ex, Ds dad) is estranged from all his family.
My parents are dead.

I guess that's clouding my judgement.

She's busy. Surely her life does not revolve around you and her grandchild? You're being precious. YABU.

I prioritise seeing my family over the Christmas period

then you don't wait until mid December to trying to get together...

Ok - I have said IABU.

Ducking out now.

@Pfefferkuchen
I have bern trying for weeks.

Sorry to hear about your circumstances OP. I do think it is clouding your judgement a little.
Why not see her for one of the times she is available and arrange more time when you're both next free?

I’m not sure what your problem is.
She’s busy volunteering and has offered you a couple of dates around Christmas.

I’m sure she adores her grandchild but it doesn’t mean that she has to drop everything for you.

That is annoying and I can see why you are upset.

However friend and I were talking last week and it transpired that both her DM and my MIL had been unsure when they would see us due to prioritising hair appointments. At least it's not that! My volunteering work has always been very important to me - a proper commitment, the same as a paid job.

I can see why you're upset. What I've had to accept over the years is that people won't always be what/how you want them to be. Stop expecting anything from her then you won't be disappointed. I w done exactly the same with various family members and after a while it stops hurting so much.

Why are people so rude to other on such threads? I get you, OP.

others

Yanbu op! My ex SIL is the same, we traipse half way across the country so dc can see the cousins and she allocates us an hour at her whim. She’s not even with bil anymore!

I'm surprised at the responses you've had OP. To me it comes across as though she's somewhat reluctantly 'fitting you in' rather than making any effort to see her grandson. Almost like she's thinking 'hmm I guess I could see him at a push but it'll have to be quick'. Maybe she just could've worded it better, or show a bit of enthusiasm.

I can see why you'd feel a bit fed up.

Hi OP

How often does she see your son?