Can I change my mind? Will I be unreasonable to do so?

[Lollipopslife17]

Hi all, I need a quick reply to this pls. A few weeks ago, I saw an afro Carribean girl (let's call her A) in my daughter class. I saw & observed the MUm seems to be struggling with maintaining her hair as the mum is not of the same race. Another day, A came with extensions in her hair and she didn't want to go into sch as was uncomfortable with her hair with the extension in and very shy and self-conscious. Being afro Carribean myself, I offered the mum some advice on how to manage her little girl's hair a little better it makes things easy for them both as afro hair can be hard to manage. We exchange numbers (the exchanging number was my idea)

She listened and thanked me. As my daughter and A are in the same class and play together, I asked this lady if she wouldn't mind bringing A to my place at the weekend as I booked a hairdresser to come to my house to do my daughter's hair and that A can come over too.i thought the girls would love that and seat to have hair done. She said she won't be able to as A is spending the weekend with her dad and said some other time and I said sure.

Out of the blue few days later, she sends me a text msg asking if I could write her a letter about how I saw that A’s hair was untidy and offered advice (that the hair was so because A had spent the weekend at her dads that weekend) as she's got a case in court with A’s father. I replied saying yes I would write the letter but I am now thinking and questioning myself if I should write the letter or not because I offered her advice on how to manage the hair better - I didn't know where A had spent the weekend or anything at the time I advise her on A’s hair.

I Dont want to be used to manipulate things and the situation. I don't want any trouble maybe the ex finding out I wrote a letter and then start to harass me etc

bear in mind I Dont know this lady at all and the 1st time I ever spoke to her was when I gave advice on how to manager A’s hair.

Shall I write a letter to her or not. Would I unreasonable to say no now after saying yes at 1st?

Hmmm. I’d just say you’ve had a think about it & you’d rather not get involved & you only offered advice because you are knowledgeable about Afro hair.

She must be desperate for support in dealing with her ex. Giving a factual statement would be very kind. Remember you and her have common ground and you and dd may have great new friends. Her ex won't know who you are so doubt any comeback would be an issue.
One day you may need such a friend.

You would be fine to back out or equally you could write a letter saying you offered to assist her with the hair. You don't need to say anything about how untidy it was etc, just that you offered advice as you are of the same race

I wouldn't no, anyway it sounds as though you have observed this regularly, not just on this occasion.

I would write a short factual statement.

Write a short factual statement. Don't put blame anywhere. Please do still have A over as her hair needs attention and don't make the child suffer because of whatever issues her parents have.

Unlikely the court would be interested in it. Just write 'on x day I noticed 'name's' hair looked out of place and I offered some help as Afro Caribbean hair can be difficult to manage'. She's probably hoping you'll write something more inflammatory and won't use it anyway

@MoreSparrowThanHawk thanks & oh yes, I will still have her over any time I am having the hairdresser come over to my home for my dd’s hair if she brings A along.

There are so many ways in which a letter from you could be a help or a hindrance, that in your shoes is prefer to stay out of it. A court case between two adults is really nothing for you to get mixed up in. But it’s decent and nice that you’ve offered to help with A’s hair (hopefully her mum will come to watch and learn), and I’d certainly follow through with that.

“On reflection, I’d rather not write that letter you asked me about. I think it’s best for me to not get involved. But I’m still very happy to have A round any time our hairdresser is over, and you’d be very welcome to come watch if you think that would be helpful”.