AIBU to ask about this situation...dp wanting to read my phone

[crossroadsmum]

So, I am in the process of looking to ask my DP to leave. There is a lot going on but I just wondered about a situation that happened last Christmas.

I had a workmate, who I will call Bob, who I got on well with. About 10 years younger than me, not my type at all, didn't like a lot of his opinions but we worked on the same bank of desks and as a group we got on well. If I was ever telling a work story at home his name would occasionally be mentioned, but no more often than any one else's.

Last Christmas I left work early for a booked half day to go Christmas shopping, and an Amazon package I needed for the weekend arrived after I had gone. Bob lives reasonably local to me so he took it home and I collected it from his house. I didn't even know his address until then and I had my daughter with me. I collected it and then told DP when I got home.

He was furious with me, I shouldn't have been going to another mans house, I certainly should have checked with him first so he knew. He insisted on checking my phone messages to see if there was anything else on there that he needed to worry about. Which there wasn't!

At the time I was worried about losing him, so let him look, but I was really cross about it.

So, would any of you have done the same? Even if you had nothing to hide would you have said no? I would say no now (and he would leave / threaten to leave as he would think I was hiding something) but at the time it was important to me that he saw he was being stupid.

I certainly should have checked with him first so he knew.

THIS is what gives away that he's out of order. Show someone your phone to allay their suspicions? Maybe, people have given different answers. But you are an adult and you don't have to 'check' with anyone, man, woman or wildebeest, before going to another adult's house. That makes him a jealous arse.

Hi thank you all so much for your replies.

For those of you asking if he has a history of being controlling and jealous, the answer is yes. I don't go out with any friends any more because I would have to text him constantly to let him know where I was and if I didn't reply he would get cross. I was really busy at the time with work and home and my kids so didn't really notice. Or at least that's what I told myself at the time.

I have never given him any cause to not trust me, he is incredibly insecure. I am silly for having stayed so long, the last few years have been so busy and difficult that I just haven't had the emotional energy to deal with it.

I totally get that there are times, when it might be ok to ask to look at someones phone. But to me that would be if I knew something had happened. I read some posts and they say...nope he or she is being controlling...and I read others that say...yep you were ok to ask because the signs were there. I just didnt know how to feel about this one and so it has been really useful to read all of the replies.

Thank you!

it's great he's not on the tenancy. does he pay towards the bills.