DM reading phone

[CupidIsFired]

DM and I had a little argument the other day, just over stupid things, I was on my period so tend to be a bit snappy then (so does she though). Anyway it escalated a little and I said how I really felt and she didn't like that (as nice as possible when angry) . She decided to tell me that she read a conversation on my phone where I had said to a friend that she was being annoying. So I got really angry. It's not the first time she has gone through my phone, I really don't know how she finds out my passwords as my phone is password protected. The conversation was from a few months ago when we had argued, so I don't know if she did it then or shes looked recently and gone through the whole chat. I have no friends up here, and said friend lives about an hour and a half away on the train so I don't see her often.
Shes also told a few people stuff from my personal life that I told her in confidence and actually asked her not to tell anyone. It wasn't even like she told people who care about me. She told 2 people who are just people I know, so have no obligation to keep it a secret, and someone who's a known 2 faced gossip.

I forgave her before but now I just feel let down. I explained how much it hurt me and now shes admitted to doing it again I'm furious.
I feel I cant trust anyone. And I have no one as it is. She was the only person i relied on to be able to talk to in confidence.

When I said what gives you the right to go through my phone, she said well if she didn't she wouldn't see these messages and know what I think of her. Thing is, I don't think of her like that. I just rant when I'm angry because I need to let it out and that friend is the only one I talk to, and she rants to me too.

I'm 29 years old btw and I assume she goes through my phone when I'm preoccupied, like bathing DD or making food etc.
I've changed my passwords again and I'm not leaving my phone around anymore incase.

Is this normal behaviour considering I'm an adult. I feel uncomfortable at the thought of her reading my conversations. But she thinks because shes my mum that this is fine.

There's nothing normal about that. If you live together, I would be working to change that as soon as possible.

No boundaries no respect for you and the telling randoms private stuff about you is simply toxic.

Absolutely not normal at all for your mother to go through your phone. Huge invasion of your privacy.

Is she normally so controlling?

You need to put firm boundaries in place with her.

At your age you should have an adult to adult relationship, not an adult to child - which is sounds like you have.

I genuinely thought before you said your age you were 15 or something. But no, this is absolutely not normal. Do you live with her? How is she getting so much opportunity to look through your stuff?

Have you checked to make sure she hasn’t sneakily added one of her fingerprints to your phone when it was unlocked for a couple minutes?

I did this to dp once as a joke and then unlocked his phone using my fingerprint right in front of him and he still didn’t realise!

I did then tell him!

@NorthernSpirit shes not controlling in any other way, actually. It surprised me that she would do this kind of thing. I thought it was a one off as the first time she did it she said it was because she was worried about me and my ex partner. Even though it was still angry about it, I forgave it.

@FlashingLights101 yes, we live together, my ex got cold feet and left when I was pregnant. So my mum offered me to love in with her as she wanted to help. And I am extremely grateful for the help and that's another reason why I feel like I have to forgive her. I was planning on moving out in the new year anyway, but I think I'll make sure it happens sooner rather than later as I don't feel I have any privacy here now

@Batqueen I didn't think of that. I'll have to figure out how to check that.

Yes I think you do need to move out ASAP. I'd be beyond annoyed at her going into my phone!

@CupidIsFired
Settings and I think Accessibility
I have Face ID now and that’s where that is so I presume fingerprints will be the same place.

Is it linked to any other devices that she may be seeing stuff on?

Which app was it that she read the messages on - whatsapp, Facebook messenger? I'd definitely be changing your passwords again! Then change your login for your phone.

Oh I would flip if my mother went through my phone.. I'm around your age and this is definitely not normal. Its also worrying that your mother feels like she can just invade your privacy like this. Hopefully things will change once you move out, in the mean time maybe get a diary and write down what you would usually tell her and keep it in you car or work locker/drawer if you have one. Just so you can get stuff off your chest, sounds a bit silly but it worked for my friend who had a similar issue with privacy at home.