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Original poster

DH and Christmas fuss.

15 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 14:24

I feel stressed every year as DH makes a huge mountain out of Christmas and expect me to join in with it.

I have already sent a few presents and cards to my family and friends. He chooses to make Christmas stockings up for his parents. Big fuss over presents for his cousins / cards etc and gets stressed and cross I am not joining in with it all. At the same time as not changing things.

I helped putting up the tree and decorating but now he wants us to do handmade chocs etc for people which is fine, (our two boys enjoy doing this with him) but I get this feeling that he expects me to be doing the same and other stuff.

he sometimes says things like his sisters and mum 'do this stuff naturally' making me feel I am somehow lesser. It is odd.

I mean it is fine for him to enjoy his Christmas stuff, I don't criticise but I find it all a bit OTT

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 16/12/2019 14:30

Does he expect you to go shopping for the gifts for his family? If so then tell him to sod off. If not then let him off to behave like an overexcited 5 year old Xmas Grin

Winterdaysarehere · 16/12/2019 14:32

I would insist on starting your own traditions that he must join in with.
Lunch out wearing a festive hat.
Coffee at a posh cafe wearing a Xmas hat.
Night away at classy Hotel.
He can't just do everything he wants!!

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 14:43

He ends up leaving it all to the last week when the kids are off and then goes panic shopping. It's annoying as it could be family time to do nice things like relax and maybe go ice skating or see a film. But then if I did that just me and the kids he'd be sad he missed out. It's very annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 14:44

He makes us put on all the Christmas videos on a loop

OP posts:
Sprinklemetinsel · 16/12/2019 14:50

Next year could you plan together at the start of Christmas?
Plan some family activities out, and dates when the shopping/wrapping will all be done.
That way he'd see you do Christmas as well, and perhaps make an effort to fit in a bit better.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/12/2019 14:54

Sounds like he's just annoyed that you haven't taken on all that shite on for his family as your dutiful "wife work" good for you

flouncyfanny · 16/12/2019 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 15:04

It us hard work. His whole family can be like it. I don't get it

OP posts:
nowayhose · 16/12/2019 15:11

Makes a nice change to hear of a DH who gets into the swing of Xmas and is keen to make and organise presents and cards etc !

Look at the amount of 'my DH thinks Xmas just magically happens!' threads , i.e threads where the DW is expected to organise all presents/ wrapping/ shopping/ cooking/ decorating etc and DH and DC do nothing !

I think you should count your lucky stars that your DH and DC are involved and expect to contribute to making Xmas happen !

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 16/12/2019 15:14

Sit him down tonight, tell him you are sick of him sucking the fun out of Christmas by his obsession with doing it right. His home made drama and stockings etc mean it's not fun for you and the dcs.

Tell him right now he has to pick, Christmas can look perfect to other people or be perfect for his kids.

If he wants to get gifts for all the cousins etc, you'll get amazon up now, you'll sit and help him come up with ideas, order stuff for everyone, but you dont want him to spend time on them at the expense of time with his children.

Show him what youd like to book as a family, wouldnt he rather do that and send shop bought gifts to everyone else?

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 17:42

I suppose it is nice he gets into it but it almost seems a bit compulsive / anxious at times, 'getting it all right'- the right presents etc. A bit like that Dad on Motherland who goes OTT over halloween. Although Dh would say he is nothing like that. I wish we could just relax a bit.

OP posts:
Booberella9 · 16/12/2019 17:51

Well it sounds like you already know what you want to do this year e.g. ice skating. There has to be a compromise e.g. the family spends 1 day doing choc making and shopping like he wants and then 1 day doing ice skating like you want.

Ideally depending on age of DC they should also get a say!

Maybe sit down together and write a list out of everything you both want to do and then put a time estimate e.g. half a day against each one and then divvy it up across all the days you have free. Bit longwinded for your style maybe but seeing it all written down might help. Especially sounds like he needs to prioritise better and accept he cant do it all. I bet he can prioritise and compromise at work so he can do it at home.

IHateBlueLights · 16/12/2019 17:59

I think that if we loved Christmas as children we sometimes try to recreate them for our DCs.

My happy childhood Christmases were with my grandparents by the sea and we had several traditions I have carried on, even now the DCs are now adults. They expect it!

We live a long way from the sea but we always tried to have a day at the seaside over Christmas when they were young and now DH and I do on our own.

Maybe he's trying to relive happy times.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 16/12/2019 18:02

Maybe that's it- I am NC with my parents and it gives me bad memories so it makes it hard for me to enjoy it really. I just want to keep it simple really. yes DC are a bit older so good plan to ask them.

OP posts:
sandragreen · 16/12/2019 18:03

Christ! YANBU

Is this your DH?

DH and Christmas fuss.
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